


Raging Sunshine

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-02-14
Updated: 2005-05-29
Packaged: 2018-12-27 04:58:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 53,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: In the aftermath of tragedy Justin finds out just how strong he can be. Sequel toHazy Sunshine. Final story in the Sunshine series.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

At first everything was completely black. Not a hint of light anywhere.

All at once the black was replaced by a black, grey and white particled snow that was created when a VCR had been left idle for too long and shut itself off while the TV remained on.

Then a face. Tear-stained and puffy with a hint of copper-coloured hair framing watery dark eyes.

“When I woke up this morning,” Sally murmured somberly, her gaze shifting downwards. “I’d been unconsciously hoping that it had all been a dream... a nightmare. Even going downstairs for breakfast, I had myself convinced that there was nothing out of the ordinary. That it was just a normal Saturday.”

Sally let out a shuddering breath and squared her shoulders, her eyes flickering back up to the camera. “Then there it was, sitting innocently on the kitchen table just like it is every Saturday. The newspaper....”

Once again Sally’s attention was diverted downwards, but when she looked back up she was holding a copy of that morning’s paper in front of her face. Right in the center is a coloured photograph of Brian and Justin walking arm in arm, both of them dressed to the nines, Brian's head turned slightly to the side to whisper something to Justin who's laughing silently. It stays there momentarily before Sally lowered it back to her lap.

“It’s right there on the front page. A picture of the two of them taken three weeks ago at some advertising awards thing. Brian was named ad man of the year.... They look beautiful, of course. When don’t they? Just by looking at them you can tell how happy they are. How in love.... And now Brian’s in a coma....

“Gawd. Even saying that word sounds so wrong. Brian should _not_ be in a coma. He’s too.... I don’t know... too Brian Kinney to be in a coma. He’s this larger than life god and now he’s in a coma.... I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable saying that which means that Brian has to wake up. Now. Before Justin completely loses his mind....”

Sally lets out a bitter laugh, wiping at her cheeks with a kleenex.

“I know I should feel for Brian-- and I do --but Justin... I don’t think he’ll ever be able to take losing Brian. Brian’s his entire world. Literally. He loves Brian so much and after everything he’s already been through with Damian... Justin can’t lose Brian. Not to violence.”

Trembling momentarily, Sally let out a shuddering breath. “Even right after it happened Justin was kinda losing it. I mean _really_ losing it. The paramedics were having a hard time coaxing him away from Brian. He just couldn’t let go of him. I wasn’t there in the ambulance with them, but I’m sure they had an equally difficult time trying to get Brian into an exam room without Justin. I came after. It was my job to call everyone and tell them about what had happened. That is not something I ever want to do again. I don’t even know how I managed to get a single word out. I can’t even remember if I did talk to everyone or if I just called Emmett. Whoever I called, they all showed up not long after I got there....

“It took me a while to find Justin. He just wasn’t there. Not in the waiting room or any of the nearby hallways like I would have thought him to be. Not even hovering right outside the exam room. I looked everywhere. The ER, the OR, the cafeteria... I even checked the maternity ward and every guys washroom I could find with no sign of Justin. I can just imagine what people were thinking. Seeing me running around in my prom dress, hair a complete mess and raccoon eyes from all the crying I’d done. I’m not even sure I’ve really stopped crying yet. At least not going by what I can see in the mirror.

“I found him, though. It took a good hour, but I found him up on the roof. At first I was a little freaked out ‘cause he was sitting on the ledge. He wasn’t even holding onto the brick overhang or anything and for a moment I thought he was just going to tumble forward into the night. As soon as I found him, I didn’t know what to say. I’d had this whole speech planned about how things happened for a reason. That Brian would be fine. When I saw him, though, his back to me, staring out at nothing... I realized that there was nothing I could say to him. Honestly, what was there I could say to him after what he had just seen? Brian was attacked-- nearly killed --right in front of him. When I’d gotten to the garage, Brian was still clutching at the cheesy crown Justin had been given when he was crowned king. I have it now, but on the roof Justin was the one who had it. I didn’t see it at first, not until I got up to him. Then I saw it. Justin was holding it in his left hand, tracing the edges with the index finger of his right. He didn’t even seem to notice the blood smeared on it.”

Sally’s head moved out of frame for a moment and when she sat back, she was pulling her hair into a ponytail. Once it was tied back, she scrubbed at her face and let out a frustrated noise that closely resembled a muted scream.

“This shouldn’t be happening! Last night was perfect. Brian showed up out of nowhere like a knight from a fairy tale. He was just there and then they danced so beautifully together.... It was almost choreographed except I knew that it wasn’t. They just kinda moved together with the music I’d picked out. Technically Justin picked it out. He’s been in love with that song since he and Brian went to New York for Thanksgiving.... I almost wish that Brian hadn’t come back last night even though at the time I could have kissed him. But if he hadn’t come home then he wouldn’t have been hurt. Justin still would have had a good prom. Knowing Brian, though, when he wakes up, he’ll say that it was worth it because he made Justin really and truly happy. And he _will_ wake up. He’s Brian Kinney for fuck’s sake! It just might take a little while....

“Anyway, Justin.... Last night he was kinda broken. He probably still is. I’ll find out for sure when I go back to the hospital once I’m done with this. I can’t even begin to fathom what he’s going through. Last night he was just kinda staring off into space and it wasn’t until I was sitting next to him on the ledge that I noticed that he was crying. Big fat tears just rolling down his cheeks. And the blood.... There was just so much blood on him. His clothes, his hands, his neck, his lips. It was frightening and more than a little grotesque because the rest of his face was completely white. The blood stood out in too much, kinda like painting on the Joker’s face. Talking was pointless. There was absolutely nothing I could say then that would make it better. So I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him from the side. I just sat there with him. I’m not even sure if Justin really even knew that I was there. He was just kinda in full out zombie mode.

“After a while, I made the mistake of coaxing him down to the waiting room where everyone else was. Not bad in the sense that everyone ganged up on him, but the media people we ran into along the way. News casters, reporters and radio personalities wanting the scoop and a first hand account of what had happened....”

Sally snorted bitterly, her gaze angry. “Justin kinda broke then. I mean really broken. In an insane way. His eyes went wild and he glared at the gathered reporters. What he said caught even me off guard. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t forget what he said to them. Not in that voice. It was like a cross between a hiss and a growl.... Why should I tell you anything? None of you really give a shit about what happens to Brian. He could die and it wouldn’t mean shit to you. So go earn your paychecks somewhere else and leave us the hell alone....If I hadn’t been so upset I probably would have started to laugh. Instead it was all that I could do not to burst into tears.

“Justin stalked off and it was another two hours before I saw him again. Standing outside the OR. What I don’t get is why they put windows in the OR. No one should have to see someone they love being cut open. Fighting for their lives in some cases.... In Brian’s case. There was something very disturbing about seeing the great Brian Kinney looking so helpless and vulnerable. It wasn’t right. Brian is a living god. He’s a larger than life person and to see him brought so low by a single person.

“Which brings us to the most disturbing part of this whole tale....”

Disappearing once again, Sally came back up with a CD.

“This is a copy of the video I made of the prom last night. My copy. The police have another. And why do you ask? Because on here is an image of the person who attacked Brian. It didn’t happen intentionally. I um... when they told me about what had happened, I just ran to the parking garage still holding onto the camera. I didn’t put it down until I saw them. I’m surprised that it still works because I actually dropped it. I think I was screaming. I had to have been.... All the blood. Brian’s blood. It was all over the floor and Brian and Justin. Some of it even ended up on my dress. Not much, but some.... But that’s besides the point. One of the officers got a hold of my camera and started going through it right there. I didn’t really care because I was too worried about Brian and Justin. Then the idiots made the mistake of asking Justin to look at the video. Like he would have willingly left Brian’s side. They tried to insist that they needed him to see the video so that he could ID who had tried to kill Brian. Justin didn’t need to, though. He’d seen the whole thing and knew exactly who it had been. But it’s probably better not to focus on the asshole that did this to Brian. That person can rot in hell for all I care. My concern is keeping Justin sane until Brian wakes up. Which is why I need to get to the hospital.”

With a loud sigh, Sally reached over and shut off the camcorder. As she sat back her eyes wandered over to the picture of Brian and Justin on the front page of the paper. It seemed like it had been taken a life time ago instead of three weeks. Before Brian’s thirtieth birthday, before his trip to Chicago, before the prom....

“Quit moping, Sal. You’ve got to stay sane for Justin,” Sally told herself as she slid off her bed.

Sally showered and dressed mechanically, not really thinking about what she was doing. Simply going through the motions. If she stopped to think Sally knew that she would start crying again. After all the crying she had done the night before it was a miracle that her tear ducts were still capable of producing tears. But somehow they still kept coming. On and on without fail.

“I’m going back to the hospital, mom!” she called as she trudged down the stairs, pulling her wet hair back into a ponytail. “I don’t know when I’ll be back so give Grandma a kiss for me.”

“Sally, wait!” her mother shouted from the kitchen.

In the process of lacing up her sneakers, Sally only looked up momentarily as her mother approached. “I’m kind of in a hurry, mom, so can you make it quick.”

“Honey, are you sure that you should be going to the hospital?” her mother prodded, grey hairs hidden behind layers of blonde hair dye. “There will be all those reporters there and I’m sure that Brian’s family won’t want hangers on crowding in there with them. It’s really more of a family crisis.”

“I am a part of Brian’s family, mom. I have been for months. Since back when I met Justin in September and I got introduced to everyone. And right now Justin really needs me so I’m going to be there,” Sally insisted, her voice bordering on hysterical. “Now I really need to go, mom. I have to go talk Justin into going home for a little while to get some sleep because he’s probably been awake all night. And I want to find out how Brian’s doing.”

“Well you could just call the hospital and I’m sure they’d let you know,” her mother suggested.

To which Sally rolled her eyes. “I’m going, mom. End of discussion.”

“Sally Ann Davis, I forbid you to go to the hospital!”

“Doesn’t matter, I’m going,” Sally informed her, grabbing her keys and purse off the hallway table. “Justin’s my best friend and I’m going to be there for him. Brian too.”

“What happens if they get a picture of you or if someone tries to interview you?” her mother protested, wringing her hands together nervously.

“Then they talk to me or get my picture. Who cares?” Sally demanded, throwing her arms out. “They’re my friends and I love them. So I’m going to be there for them no matter what.”

Her mother appeared even more flustered. “But, sweety, they might think that you’re... you know.”

“Gay? Well guess what, mom, I am. Half anyway,” Sally amended as she slipped on a pair of blue lensed sunglasses. “I’m bisexual, mother. I’ve had a girlfriend since October. Not that I don’t still lust after guys. It’s been my life’s goal since I met him to see Brian’s dick and I’ve slept with Justin. So, don’t worry, I’m not a full muncher. Only half.”

That being said, Sally stormed out the front door and made a beeline for her car. She knew that she could have broken the news a lot milder to her mother, but at the moment she couldn’t be bothered. In Sally’s mind, at least, it didn’t matter whether she was gay or straight. She still loved the same. The logistics of it might have been a little different, but it hardly mattered.

Sally just wished that she had the guts Justin did to actually ask Brian to go to the prom with him. It hadn’t even crossed her mind to ask Irina even though the other woman had helped to pick out her dress. There was something incredibly taboo about bringing a same sex partner to a high school prom and Sally hadn’t been about to cross that line. Justin had vaulted across it without even a second thought and now many would blame him for Brian having to pay the price.

Only it wasn’t Justin’s fault. It was the asshole that had attacked Brian that was to blame. The one who had taken the baseball bat and slammed Brian upside the head with it.

It didn’t surprise Sally in the least when she saw that everyone was still gathered in the private ICU waiting room that they had been ushered to sometime around one in the morning. A few of them had obviously been home because they were wearing different clothes, but they were all there.

“Hey, sweety,” Emmett greeted as she came to stand next to him, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Teddy and I were about to go pick everyone up some breakfast. Do you want anything?”

Sally returned the lop-sided embrace and shook her head. “That’s all right. I managed to force down some cereal when I was at home.... How’s Brian doing?”

“His doctor says that his vitals are stronger than they were last night, but they still don’t know when he’s going to wake up,” Mel told her, her arms around Lindsay who still seemed as shocked as she had the night before. Sally wasn't surprised to see the other woman there. Melanie had always been around on some level because of Gus and for Lindsay to call her in a crisis wasn't a stretch.

“That’s good news. It means he’s getting better,” Sally declared, offering the group a slight smile at the worried looks. “I know it’s not the greatest news, but I need to perk myself up for Justin. He’s still with Brian, right?”

Emmett smile sadly. “Where else would he be, sweety? You just remind him that all his family is out here and that we care about him.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure he remembers,” Sally promised him as she made her way towards the door.

On her way she passed by Deb who was probably taking it the hardest, next to Justin of course. Brian was as much a son to her as Michael was and for him to be hurt like that was killing her. And while it was okay to offer false words of comfort among themselves, Sally couldn’t find anything to say to Deb.

“You keep Sunshine sane, you hear me,” Deb ordered just as Sally was about to walk out of the room.

The former cheerleader turned and smiled at their family’s matriarch. “Don’t worry, Deb. I won’t let him break.”

“Good. Sunshine needs someone he can count on right now.”

If Justin was still in the same state he’d been the night before, Sally knew just how serious Deb’s warning was. It had been some time around three when Brian had finally been brought down from recovery and put in the ICU room. Since then Justin had not left his side. Even without having been there for nearly six hours Sally knew that he hadn’t left Brian alone for a second.

As she reached the room that Brian had been assigned to, Sally paused at the viewing window to watch over the two of them momentarily. Justin was seated in a chair next to Brian’s head, still dressed in his black slacks and dress shirt from the night before, both articles of clothing equally blood splattered. Justin had his fingers twined with Brian’s, his thumb continually caressing the side of his boyfriend’s index finger, each time stopping just short of the monitoring device clipped to the tip of the digit. Justin’s other hand rested on the pillow above Brian’s head while he was leaning his upper body against the bed, his face right next to his lover’s which was turned to the side to avoid putting pressure on the wound to the back of his head.

After focusing on her best friend, Sally turned her attention to Brian. Originally she had thought that nothing could be as shocking as seeing Brian bleeding on the dirty floor of the parking garage. In the setting of the drab hospital room, Brian looked infinitely more vulnerable. His skin was pale, nearly as white as the bandage wrapped around his head. In fact, the only colour in Brian’s face was the dark bruises under his eyes and the eyebrows above. Even his lips, which Sally had always associated with raspberries, were nearly white.

“Hope I’m not interrupting,” Sally murmured as she poked her head into the room. “I can come back later.”

Justin lifted his head from the bed and turned towards her, his hand remaining locked with Brian’s. “Hey, Sally. I thought you went home.”

“I did, hun. It’s been about six hours,” Sally informed him, crossing over to where he sat, pulling up another chair and sitting down next to him. “Have you been sitting here the entire time?”

“Where else would I be? I can’t leave him alone. Something could happen,” Justin insisted, his sad eyes locking on hers for a moment before turning back to Brian. “I’m not gonna let him get hurt again.”

“And he won’t. He’s safe here, Justin. In the hospital. No one can hurt him here,” Sally assured him even though she knew for a fact that he would not find any comfort in her words. He was still very raw, emotionally, and was not thinking rationally at the moment. “So why don’t you go home for a little while. Get some rest, change your clothes. Have a warm shower. You’ll feel a lot better if you do.”

Justin snorted mirthlessly, his hand unconsciously tightening around Brian’s. “That’s what they want. As soon as I’m gone, they’re hurt him again. They’ll kill him.”

In that moment, Sally could feel her heart breaking for her best friend. Sliding off her chair, she knelt down in front of Justin and took his face in her hands so that he was forced to meet her eyes. “Hun, no one is going to hurt Brian. There are all sorts of security guards all over the place. They’ll keep him safe. And I’ll stay right here the entire time and make sure nothing happens to Brian. I won’t leave his side for a moment if you promise me that you’ll at least go home and have a shower and change into something that’s not all messed up. Because when Brian wakes up, he’s going to want to see you looking your best. He’ll want to see his Sunshine.”

Slowly, Justin’s gaze began to focus and for the first time Sally knew that he was actually seeing her. “You won’t let anyone but Dr. Morgan or one of the nurses in here?”

“Not a soul, hun, I promise,” Sally swore to him, nodding her head in time with her words. “It’ll just be me and Brian, no one else. Not until you come back.”

Still Justin hesitated. Not that Sally expected any less. On the contrary. She would have been shocked if Justin had left without any kind of fight whatsoever.

“All right. I’ll go home to shower,” Justin conceded at last. “But that’s it. I’m not staying away any longer than I have to. I’ll sleep in here and I’m bringing back a bunch of clothes so that I don’t have to leave again until Brian gets better.”

“You do whatever you need to, Justin. I’ll keep an eye on Brian while you do it,” Sally said as she rose back to her full height.

“And no taking a peek at Brian’s dick while I’m gone.”

“Twat,” Sally chided affectionately, pulling Justin into her arms and kissing him on the cheek. She was simply too relieved to hear Justin give his normal warning when she and Brian were left alone to say anything else at first. “I’ll go outside so that you can say goodbye to Brian.”

Justin returned her embrace, pressing his face against her throat for a moment. When he lifted his head, he rested his forehead against Sally and kissed her lightly. “Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it, Sunshine. It’s all in the best friend handbook. Now go kiss your man so I can take over as guardian.”

When Justin slipped out of her arms, Sally turned and silently headed back out into the hallway, whispering a silent prayer that nothing would happen to either of her friends while they were apart.


	2. Raging Sunshine

When he was sure that Sally was out of the room, Justin allowed his features to crumple. He wanted to be able to fall apart, but couldn't. He needed to be strong, to protect Brian. Justin couldn't let anything else happen to his lover. He'd already come so close to losing him and there was still a chance that Brian might not wake up.

"I have to go away for a little while," Justin murmured, lightly stroking his fingers through Brian's limp hair. "I don't want to, but I have to. And I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise. Sally's going to stay here with you while I'm gone. She'll make sure that no one hurts you. No one at all."

He waited for a few moments, desperate for an answer, and had to squeeze his eyes shut when Brian simply laid there lifelessly. The raspy sound of Brian's breathing made his heart clench each time he heard it. Whimpering slightly, Justin leaned forward to brush his lips against Brian's forehead just below the bandage.

"I love you, Brian," he whispered, touching their foreheads together lightly before he slowly pulled away from the bed. "I'll be back soon."

Justin kept his eyes trained on Brian as he retreated from the hospital room, terrified that if he took his eyes off his lover that he would disappear from his sight. So focused on the older man, he jumped slightly when Sally placed a hand on his arm. His eyes darted away from Brian momentarily, making sure that it was his best friend standing there, before his eyes shot back to the hospital bed.

"It's okay, Justin. He's not going anywhere," Sally assured him, winding her arms around his middle from behind in a backwards hug. "I'll keep him safe."

Still trembling, Justin nodded his head, still unable to take his eyes off Brian. "Don't let anything happen to him, Sal. Please."

"I swear. I won't let anything happen to him," Sally promised, nodding her head against his shoulder.

Even with her promise it took Justin several long minutes before he was able to turn away from his lover. Then he only got as far as the observation window before he stopped again. Justin watched as Sally made her way over to the chair, slowly lowering herself into it. Sally touched his hair lightly and Justin could see her jaw moving as she spoke to him. Justin watched them for a few moments before he continued on down the corridor towards the exit.

Every time he reached a corner, Justin had to force himself to continue towards the exit and not bolt back to Brian's ICU room. Several times in the elevator he nearly got out his cell phone to call Brian's room and check on how he was doing. He didn't, though, and eventually made it out of the building and began the trek to where he'd been told the jeep was parked. For the life of him he didn't know how his jeep had gotten to the hospital parking lot, but was grateful that he didn't have to go back to that parking garage. He was pretty sure that it was Ted who'd taken the 'vette back home.

Justin purposely left the radio off on the drive back to the loft, not wanting to chance hearing about the previous night on the news. Getting to the loft would be hard enough without having to hear his life blasted over the speakers. Justin was pretty sure that he was operating on auto pilot as he drove back to the loft. He didn't consciously remember any of the trip because his mind was focused almost solely on Brian. Before he'd even left the hospital Justin had been regretting his decision to leave Brian's hospital room. He didn't want to risk anything else happening to Brian and if he wasn't there to protect him....

"Sally will keep him safe," Justin mumbled to himself as he turned onto Tremont. "She won't...."

Justin's voice trailed off as he neared Fuller and saw the news trucks parked around their building. He already knew that there would be more parked around the front. Reacting instantly, Justin pulled into the alley behind the building, intending to park in the underground garage in order to avoid the reporters clogging the street. A code was needed to get the arm to go up on the entrance so they wouldn't be able to follow him inside. He didn't bothering using his turning signal because that would only clue the reporters onto the fact he lived there. Someone must have known that it was his vehicle because he was still a building away when people began to rush in his direction.

"Shit," Justin grumbled as he sped up, hoping to get into the parking garage before the reporters could rush him. The entrance was at the far end of the building so there was still a chance that he could make it.

The garbled shouts of the reporters only became louder as Justin lowered the window so that he could punch in the code.

"Mr. Taylor!"

"How is Brian doing?"

"Has he woken up?"

"Is it true that he's suffered irreparable brain damage?"

"Do you have anything to say about the attacker?"

Justin's fingers fumbled at that last question and he nearly hit the wrong button. Recovering quickly, he punched in the final two numbers and drove through as soon as the arm began to raise up. He still fully believed that none of them actually gave a damn about what happened to Brian. They'd probably prefer it if Brian died because that would make the story that much more sensational. Especially with Damian's trial starting up in only a few months.

As he pulled into his parking spot, Justin turned off the ignition and slumped back against the seat. He knew that he couldn't linger because the reporters would only stay behind the arm for so long when they realized that he wasn't making any move towards the elevator. Justin let out a shuddering his breath, scrubbing his hands over his face, before he slid out of the jeep and sprinted across the distance that separated him from the elevator. He kept his eyes trained forward, not wanting to see any of the parking garage. Even on a bright Saturday morning, the garage was very dim. Just like it had been the night before.

"Mr. Taylor, a few questions please!"

Justin cast a brief glare in their direction while he waited for the elevator doors to open. He would have taken the stairs, but he didn't have the energy it would take to walk up all those flights of stairs. More than anything, Justin simply wanted to collapse. He'd been awake for more than twenty-four hours and hi brain was completely and utterly fried. Once he got back to the hospital and got an update from Dr. Morgan he would take a brief nap, propped up against the side of the bed. He wanted to stay as close to Brian as possible so that he would know whenever someone was getting to close and could possibly hurt him again.

Inside the elevator, though, Justin allowed himself to let go for a moment. He slumped against the wall, scrubbing his hands over his face. He was breathing in and out deeply, doing his utmost not to break down completely.

The elevator jerked to a stop, startling him. Moving sluggishly, Justin crossed over to the grate, forcing it up with a heaving sigh. Justin was relieved, in a way, that Brian had been away for the entire week before because it meant there were no artifacts lying around that spoke of the previous night. At least he hoped that Brian hadn't been home in the time between the airport and the hotel. Justin knew that he would lose it completely if he went up into the bedroom and saw some of Brian's clothes tossed haphazardly on the bed.

The one thing Justin hadn't counted on seeing when he glanced towards the desk was a picture of Brian and Michael posing together with their arms around each other. Slamming the door shut, Justin stalked towards the desk and snatched the picture up.

"Son of a bitch!" Justin screamed as he launched it towards the opposite wall as hard as he could. His body convulsing with heaving sobs, Justin dropped down to his knees. "You didn't have to hurt him just because you hate me. I would have walked away."

It was the truth. Justin would have done anything if it meant that Brian hadn't been hurt. He would have left all those months ago if he'd had an inkling that Michael would have tried to smash Brian's head in with a baseball bat. At first Justin's hadn't been able to figure out how Michael had known that Brian would be at his prom when Justin hadn't even known himself.

_"How did he know?" Justin wondered aloud when he saw Sally's reflection in the window looking into the OR. "How did he know that Brian would be at the prom?"_

_Sally let out a frazzled breath, her fingers tugging at a stray strand of hair that had fallen loose from the mass of braids and curls on the top of her head. "Brian called Deb when he landed at the airport. He wanted to make sure that he was going to the right place. I guess Michael was there to say goodbye to her and Vic and--"_

_"And he decided to take a bat to the back of Brian's head because of it?!"_

_"Brian's strong. He's going to be fine, Justin." Sally tried to assure him, pulling him into a sideways hug._

_Justin stiffened, shaking his head slightly. "You don't know that, Sal. No one does."_

Things were looking better that morning. Brian was stable. There was still some swelling in his brain, but the pressure was no longer at dangerous levels and wouldn't require any more surgery. But he was still in a coma and no one had been able to tell him when Brian was going to wake up. Or even if he was going to wake up.

Screaming in outrage, Justin half crawled, half ran to where the picture lay in the shattered frame. Michael was the one he wanted to hurt, but he couldn't. The comic book freak was locked up in a jail cell downtown where Justin couldn't get to him. Couldn't avenge what had been done to Brian. The courts would be the ones to deal with Michael and for the first time Justin realized just how helpless Brian had to be feeling in the whole situation with Damian.

Justin snatched the picture up off the ground, not noticing that he cut his fingers on the broken glass until he caught sight of the blood dribbling down his hand. Switching the picture over to his other hand, Justin squeezed his fingers into a fist and staggered to his feet. He wavered momentarily, his eyes staring at the trails of blood that were weaving towards the cuff of his sleeve to mix with the already dried stain of Brian's blood. 

All at once, Justin realized that he was standing there covered in Brian's blood. A part of him had been aware of it the previous night, but now it was making him nauseous. Whimpering, but without releasing the picture, Justin struggled out of the dress shirt. When the shirt got stuck over his head, the volume of his cries increased as he fought to free himself from the blood-covered garment.

_“I’ve got you, Justin. Take it easy,” Brian whispered as he carefully helped Justin untangle himself from his orange jersey._

At that memory, Justin dropped to his knees a second time. That night in September, Justin had been able to take comfort in Brian's gentle touch, in his very presence. This time Brian wasn't there and he had to fight his way free of the shirt on his own. And when he finally did work his way free he was left with only a picture and a bloodied hand.

A picture of the man who had saved his life and the one had nearly destroyed it.

Justin allowed the picture to flutter down to the ground and once again stumbled to his feet. He remained there for a moment, not sure what to do. Then he remembered Sally's instruction to have a shower and get himself cleaned up. Justin folded his arms over his chest as he slowly staggered towards the bathroom.

Coming first to the bedroom.

Not ready to deal with that yet, Justin covered his eyes with left, uninjured, hand and made his way towards the bathroom by memory alone. He didn't uncover his eyes until he had the bathroom door closed. Justin leaned against it for a few moments, gathering himself, before he stripped out of the rest of his clothes. He toed off his shoes. Tugged off his socks. Slid his pants and boxers down in a single motion. All of these he kicked to the side before he continued on to the shower stall.

Justin turned the water on as hot as he could stand it then turned the knob a little bit more. He wanted to purge himself of the memory of Brian being struck down by his supposed best friend.

_“Hey, King Sunshine, you forgot your crown!”_

_Grinning at the amusement he could hear in Brian's voice, Justin pivoted around on his heel to face his lover. “But I want you to keep it!”_

_Brian smirked slightly and walked towards the end of the jeep, the crown clutched tightly in his right hand. “I’m not flying back to Chicago with a fake gold crown. Come back here and get it.”_

_The words had barely left Brian's lips when Justin noticed a movement at the front of the jeep. At first he wasn't sure he had seen it, but then he realized that shadows wouldn't move when there was no light to shift them. And they most certainly didn't carry baseball bats._

_“BRIAN!”_

_The older man was moving towards him, but he wasn't fast enough to evade his attacker. Justin was starting to bolt forward himself when the bat was swung at the back of Brian's head and the older man began to tumble to the ground._

_"BRIAN!"_

_Heedless of anything else, Justin dropped to his knees beside his lover's prone body, ready to protect Brian with his own body if need be. What he didn't expect was to see Michael Novotny staring down at him._

Justin shook his head violently to free himself from the image replaying in his mind. Since the night before, whenever he had shut his eyes it was that image that replayed in his mind. Over and over again he watched his lover being struck down and nearly killed.

Reaching past his own shampoo, Justin instead latched onto the top of the bottle of Brian's shampoo. He also used Brian's body wash instead of his own, wanting to envelop himself in the scent of his lover. Even when he went back to the hospital he wouldn't be able to indulge in the scent because Brian had been scrubbed free of any lingering traces of cologne, shampoo, soap, cigarettes... all of the odours that melded together to create Brian's unique scent. In its place was the overpowering stench of disinfectant.

Justin scrubbed himself raw, wanting to rid himself of any remaining traces of Brian's blood. He'd scrubbed his hands free the night before, but even so the rest of his body felt as though he was smeared in it. Coated in it. Justin applied the body wash five times, thoroughly washing himself each time, and even then he still felt dirty. The only reason he got out of the shower was because he wanted to get back to the hospital and, more importantly, to Brian. He trusted Sally to keep Brian safe, but he still wanted to be there in case his lover woke up.

Brian had to wake up.

Justin was still winding a Band-Aid around his middle finger when he exited the bathroom, stopping short as he caught sight of the bed.

_“Feel better?” Brian asked as Justin stepped out of the bathroom. The older man was already sprawled across the bed wearing nothing but the cowry shell bracelet on his right wrist._

Swallowing a sob at the memory, Justin hurried over to the closet. He quickly grabbed a pair of comfortable jeans and a plain black tee. He then snatched up his backpack and began to pack in some other clothes, toiletries, some books and his sketchbook and pencils. He also filled Brian's gym bag with things that he thought his lover would need once he woke up from the coma.

After quickly inhaling some cold pizza from the fridge, Justin scanned the interior of the loft to make sure that he wasn't forgetting anything. Justin didn't want to spend any more time than necessary in the parking garage so he gripped the strap of his back pack and Brian's gym bag in one hand, keys in his other hand, the one for the jeep separated from the rest. He also took the stairs so that he wouldn't alert the reporters hovering near the exit of the parking garage of his return.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, Justin poked his head around the corner to make sure he had enough time to get to the jeep before he was swarmed. Not seeing anyone, Justin stalked towards the vehicle. He was stopped short when someone appeared from between two other cars. There was no sign of a pad of paper or a tape recorder, but Justin was still nervous.

"I'm not a reporter or anything," the black man was quick to assure him. "My name's Stephen and--"

"What is wrong with you people?" Justin demanded, his voice a low hiss so as not to alert any of the others he knew to be lurking just beyond the exit. "My lover is in a coma because his best friend got jealous of our relationship and no one will leave me alone. Doesn't anyone have any compassion?"

"I just wanted to say that I understand what you're going through," the young man whispered, glancing down momentarily. "I nearly lost my own partner five years ago to a violent attack. For weeks I wasn't sure if he was going to live or die. But Dave was fine. He pulled through fine and I know that your Brian will too. We're tougher stock than anyone gives us credit for."

Despite himself, Justin felt a slight smile quirking the corners of his mouth. "Thank you," he murmured, sucking his lips into his mouth.

"You'll probably be wanting to get back to him so I'll let you go," Stephen said with a slight nod. He then smiled slightly, his dark eyes meeting Justin's own. "He'll be fine. I'm sure of it."

Justin watched Stephen retreat for a few moments before hurrying into the jeep. He'd stayed away far too long as it was. Sally hadn't called him, but there was still a chance that something could have happened in the time between then and now. Sally might not have been able to keep the others out. One of the others might have decided to finish what Michael had started. If Brian's supposed best friend could do something like that, there was no telling what the others were capable of.

He had barely turned onto Tremont when his cell phone began to ring. Panicking, Justin nearly swerved onto the sidewalk as he fumbled for his phone on the passenger seat.

"Sally, what's wrong?" Justin demanded as he brought the cell to his ear. "Is Brian all right?"

"Brian's fine but--"

"Justin Taylor you tell me right now why your little friend won't let us in to see Brian?" Deb demanded, her voice shrill and grating on Justin's already frazzled senses.

Heaving a great sigh, Justin turned towards the hospital. "Because right now Brian can't protect himself so I have to do it for him. That means keeping him safe from people who could hurt him."

"We're his family!" the wigged matriarch shouted into the phone.

"And Michael was his best friend," he reminded her in a low, lethal voice.

That gave Debbie pause. She was silent and in the ensuing seconds the phone must have changed hands because Sally was there once again. "Hurry back, Justin. The consort needs his king."

"I'm already on my way," Justin assured her. "Keep him safe for me, Sal."

"You know I will."

Fifteen minutes later, Justin was hurrying to Brian's room. Vic was standing just to the right of the door, leaning against the jamb as he peered inside. The older man's presence was very non-threatening and Justin felt comforted by it. Vic was everything he would have wanted in a father.

"That's some guard dog you have there," Vic said lightly, his heavy lidded eyes meeting Justin's. "You're very lucky to have a best friend like her. She would do anything for you just like I know you'd do anything for Brian. Now I know that you're scared, Justin, but you can't push everyone away right now. We all love Brian and have for many years."

"I know," Justin whispered, frowning. "But I just can't.... I can't get that image out of my head. The look on Michael's face. Brian lying there bleeding. I can't risk anything else happening to him."

Vic reached over and squeezed his shoulder, his tired smile never faltering. "Then you do what you need to. Just know that we're here if you need us."

Justin nodded his head then turned away from the older man, walking into a room where his lover was still fighting for his life.


	3. Raging Sunshine

"So he's getting better, right?" Sally asked once she walked into the room after the doctor left. "He'll be up and about in no time?"

Justin let out a shaky breath, his eyes glued to Brian's slack features. "The swelling's starting to go down so they won't have to do the surgery. But they still don't know when he's going to wake up."

Sally came up behind him and wound her arms around his shoulders in a backwards hug. "At least they won't have to shave his head any more. He'll be enough of a bitch when he finds out about that bald spot on the back of his head."

As she hoped, Justin let out a quick bark of laughter. "He's going to go on a rampage when he finds out about that."

"And I'll be right here with my video recorder to document the whole thing."

"I can't wait for that to happen," Justin murmured as he leaned back against Sally. "I can't wait for any reaction from him."

Sally continued to hold him for a few more minutes then pulled back, pressing a kiss to the top of his head as she did so. Justin was about to drop from exhaustion. He hadn't left the hospital for the past two days and Sally knew that he wasn't really sleeping. All he did was sit in the chair he'd pulled up next to Brian's bed, talking to the unconscious man or sketching.

"Here, time for a pick up," Sally said as she reached into her messenger bag, searching for one of the massive pixie stix she'd bought just for that purpose. "You need some energy, Just, or you're going to pass out on top of him."

Smirking, Justin turned away from Brian for a few seconds-- a huge task in and of itself --to meet her gaze. "You're a brat, Sal. But thanks."

There was a pair of scissors on the army knife Sally had attached to her key chain and she used this to cut open one of the ends of the pixie stix, handing the unopened blue tube to her best friend. "That's what I'm here for. Someone has to make sure that you take care of yourself until you remember to do it yourself. That means pixie stix, pop and pizza 'cause those are what I do best."

Justin tapped the open end of the pixie stix against his lightly smiling lips, his eyes rising once again to meet hers. "Thank you. I really mean it, Sal. I'd be falling apart if it wasn't for you."

"No worries, Justin. It's all in the best friend handbook," Sally told him off-handedly. 

It was the truth. She was doing it all willingly because Justin was her best friend and he was hurting. Hurting probably worse than he ever had been before. He'd been hurt before, true enough, but the pain had always been his own. Damian had hurt him and not anyone that he cared about. Justin could deal with pain inflicted on himself, but on Brian....

"So have you given any thought to what you're going to say for your valedictorian speech?" Sally asked, hoping to distract the trouble artist. "Brian will be on the mend by then and you can't disappoint everyone who voted for you."

"Are you sure that they counted the votes right? You and Billy are more likely to get the job than me," Justin protested half-heartedly. "I'm a nobody."

"That is complete and utter bullshit."

Even Sally was startled by the one of her outburst. She hadn't meant to be quite so loud or to sound quite so angry, but she still meant it.

"Sally--"

"No, you listen to me, Justin Taylor. You are not a nobody," the ex-cheerleader insisted, crouching down next to him. "You are the strongest, bravest, most caring, gentle.... You are an amazing person, Justin, and the fact that you can be the way you are after going through everything you did last year is just fucking amazing."

Justin rolled his eyes. "I'm nothing special, Sal. So just drop it, okay. Please?"

"Then at least tell me whether or not you're gonna give the speech so that Mr. Spinolli can stop worrying about that part of graduation," Sally pleaded, adopting a pitiful expression in hopes of gaining Justin's compliance.

"If Brian's awake I'll give the speech," Justin confirmed on the tail of a shuddering sigh. "That good enough?"

"That's perfect," she murmured, giving his shoulder a quick squeeze as she rose back up to her full height. "Now I'm gonna leave you alone with your consort and go see how everyone else is doing. Make sure they've had the latest updates, okay?"

Justin nodded his head silently, his attention already focusing on Brian once again. She watched them for a few moments, sending up a silent prayer to whatever deity would listen that the two of them would stay safe. That Brian would be all right in the end.

Brian had to be all right. There was no way around it. If he wasn't all right then Justin would never be all right again and that was something Sally refused to let happen.

At the time she couldn't do anything for Brian, but she could make things as stressless for Justin as possible until the older man woke up. That meant dealing with the rest of their extended family so that Justin didn't have to.

Lindsay, Emmett and Vic were the only ones in the waiting room when Sally entered. Gus was there too, happily playing away on the floor in front of his mother. 

"Did Justin tell you what the doctor said?" Lindsay asked the purple-haired teenager. "Is Brian getting any better?"

"The swelling's going down so they won't need to surgically remove the pressure," Sally informed them, managing a solemn smile. "Once it goes down enough he should wake up."

Vic crossed himself and Lindsay let out a relieved sigh as she sunk deeper into her chair. "Oh thank god." Emmett placed a hand over his heart and silently fell back down into the nearest seat.

"He's not out of the woods, but it's looking good," Sally added as she crossed over to the rest of them.

"And how's our little prince doing?" Emmett asked, drawing Sally into a sideways hug once she sat down next to him.

Sally leaned against the eccentric queen and allowed the tension to drain from her body. "I'm worried about him. I know that he's not sleeping. He's not really eating and he barely even takes his eyes off Brian. I'm so scared about what's going to happen if Brian doesn't wake up."

"You said it yourself, Brian's going to wake up," Vic assured her as he came to sit on the coffee table in front of her. "I've known that boy for half his life and I know that he's far too stubborn to simply die. He'll wake up just so he can find out who hit him."

That rendered everyone silent. Even Gus stopped playing with his toys and instead pulled himself to his feet, using his mother's leg as leverage. He stared up at her with huge hazel eyes. Ones identical to Brian's. Sally idly wondered what other traits Gus would inherit from his father.

"Has anyone been to... been to see Michael yet?" Emmett asked a few moments later, his arm slipping from around Sally's shoulders.

"Deb went to his arraignment this morning," Vic spoke up, pursing his lips slightly. "He didn't meet her eyes the entire time, even when she said a few words to him before it started. I think it was finally beginning to set in for him what he'd done."

Scooping her son up into her arms, Lindsay turned to the rest of them. "Has anyone figured out where the baseball bat came from yet?"

"The little boy who lives next door to us," Vic revealed. "Apparently the boy had left it out on the front lawn the other night. Michael must have spotted it on his way to his car."

"I wonder what he would have done if it hadn't been there?" Emmett mused aloud. "This could have just ended up being a loud shouting match and Brian could have gone back to Chicago and Michael to Portland.... Now we'll never know."

Sally shook her head furiously, bolting from the chair and stumbling towards the center of the room where she turned back to the others. "Don't you get it? What if's don't count! You can wish it all you want, but Brian will still have gotten hurt and Justin will still have had to watch it. Justin is going to be stuck with that image for the rest of his life. Even when Brian gets better he's going to remember that."

Gus made a quiet mewling sound and buried his face against Lindsay's chest.

"Sorry," the teenager apologized, offering Lindsay a tight smile. "Look, I'm gonna go home for a bit. Get some homework done then come back with some dinner for Justin."

"Make sure that Justin knows that we'll take over watch if he wants to rest," Vic said to her before she could leave. "We all love Brian."

Sally let out a deep sigh, turning a sympathetic gaze to the older man. "I know that and I know that Justin does, too. He's just really scared right now. I mean if Brian's best friend could do that to him.... Justin just doesn't want him to get hurt any more. Give him a little time."

On her way out of the hospital, Sally swung by Brian's room, not to actually talk to Justin, but to simply check in on him. She needed to make sure that Justin wasn't falling apart on her. Like she had told Justin earlier, she was taking it upon herself to take care of Justin while he was busy taking care of Brian.

As she rounded the corner before Brian's room, Sally was surprised to see a regal looking blonde woman standing outside the room, staring at the couple through the observation window.

"Can I help you?" the ex-cheerleader asked timidly, not sure who the woman was. At least until the blonde turned to her and she saw Justin's eyes looking back at her from the woman's face. "Are you Justin's mother?"

The well-dressed lady looked quite startled, her eyes widening in the same way Justin's did when he was caught off guard. "Are you a friend of Justin's?"

"His best one.... Well, besides Brian, anyway," Sally amended, offering Mrs. Taylor a slight smile. She tried her best to quell any compassionate feelings she had for the older woman. She had abandoned Justin to Damian the year before. Justin would have been spared so much pain if his mother had only stood up to her husband and protected her child.

"Why are you here?"

"Because I'm worried about my son," Mrs. Taylor said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Despite herself, Sally let out a bark of mirthless laughter. She latched onto the older woman's arm and dragged her away from the room so that Justin wouldn't be disturbed.

"You can't expect me to believe that," Sally hissed once the two of them were far enough away from the ICU room. "Justin went through hell last year and you did nothing! He spent six months with some bastard because his parents-- who were supposed to love him no matter what --abandoned him because he didn't live up to your expectations."

"I had no choice."

"The fuck you didn't! Justin was your son. It was your job to protect him from that bastard Damian," Sally hissed, silently hoping that the older woman was up enough on current events to be able to put two and two together. 

Justin's name had been kept out of the papers because he'd been seventeen when it happened, but the events hadn't. Most of the sordid details of what Damian had done to her best friend had been in the local papers for all to see.

Mrs. Taylor's face blanched and she clutched a hand over her heart, staring at the younger woman with wide eyes. "You mean that Justin's the one who...? My little boy...?"

"Your little boy."

As the words sunk in fully, Mrs. Taylor turned and bolted towards the nearest washroom. Sally wanted to feel bad for her and the way that she found out just what Justin had endured the year before, but she couldn't. Justin's mother might be feeling bad about it after the fact, but she hadn't been there when it first happened or even when Justin had been struggling to pull himself together after Damian had abducted him in the fall. In her mind, Mrs. Taylor was just as much to blame as Damian because she had made Justin vulnerable and given the psychotic doctor the opening he'd needed to seduce the homeless artist.

Even so, she followed Mrs. Taylor into the ladies washroom. And as she expected, she was greeted by the sound of retching as she entered. Sally stood leaning against the wall by the door, waiting for the older woman to finish so they could continue their conversation.

"I'm not saying this to shock you," Sally said as the stall door opened. "I'm telling you because it's something you need to know. You need to face the realities of what you did when you kicked Justin out when he was seventeen."

"I thought that it would only be temporary," she murmured, cupping her hand under the running water from the faucet to rinse her mouth out. She swished the water around in her mouth for a moment before spitting it out. "I thought that he would stay with Daphne for a while and that I could try and convince Craig to let him come back home."

"And was Justin just supposed to hang in limbo that whole time?"

The illustrious Mrs. Taylor had nothing to say to that and Sally was quite pleased with that.

"Look, Justin's got a good life now. He's got people who love him and who accept him for who he is. He doesn't need you interfering in his life anymore."

Having said her piece, Sally turned and left the washroom.

"Wait! Please wait!" Mrs. Taylor called after her, rushing out of the bathroom in her wake.

Sally reluctantly stopped, spinning around on her heel to face the older woman. "I have a lot to do, Mrs. Taylor, so could you please just get to--"

"How is Justin? Is he... is he all right?" the fretful woman asked, wringing her hands together as she approached Sally.

Immediately, Sally's jaw dropped and she ran her fingers through her wild purple locks. "You can't be serious? Didn't you notice where Justin was? That was his lover in there. Brian. Those two are practically married for all their denying it and now Brian's lying in a coma because someone tried to kill him. How do you think Justin is?"

"He's just a boy. How can he possibly think that he's in love?" Mrs. Taylor demanded shrilly, catching herself at the last moment and placing her fingertips over her lips.

"Because he is," Sally told her bluntly. "I've seen him and Brian together. I saw what Brian went through when Justin was hurt and I saw how Justin was clinging to Brian. Those two love each other. Totally and completely. That's why Justin's going to do everything he can to take care of Brian and help him get better."

"But he's only eighteen," she tried to protest again as she clutched tightly to her purse.

"Physically, yeah," Sally consented. "But going through what he did last year will age anyone. He knows just how terrible the world can be and how badly a person can be hurt and still survive. Justin's a lot older than eighteen.... Now I really have to go."

Sally took the stairs, not wanting to risk the chance that Mrs. Taylor would corner her in the elevator. She rushed home after that, wanting to get as much of her homework done as possible before she returned with Justin's dinner. Her mother would probably put up a big stink about her spending yet another night at the hospital. She didn't care, though. Justin and Brian were her family so she had to be there.

The first thing that Sally did when she got home, though, was to take out her DVD recorder to make a quick journal entry. Setting it up on its tripod at the foot of her bed, Sally gave the camera a few moments to auto focus before she began speaking.

"It was kinda freaky being back at school today. Everyone knew what happened just like everyone knew that I'm Justin's best friend. So everyone had about a million questions for me from the moment I pulled into the parking lot. How's Brian? Did Justin really see him get hit? Why did Brian's best friend try to kill him? I wanted to scream there were so many questions.

"I refused to answer any of them except to say that Justin was fine." Sally scrunched up her features momentarily and let out a shuddering sigh. "Obviously that's a lie. Justin's not fine and I don't think he will be until Brian opens his eyes and smiles up at him. And even then it won't be a real smile until he knows for sure that Michael is paying for what he did.

"They denied him bail. Michael, that is. It was in the afternoon paper. The bastard won't be setting foot outside of the jail unless he's acquitted. Which he won't be. Justin saw Michael attack Brian and I caught Michael on my camcorder after the fact. He did it. There's no doubt in my mind. Even if I hadn't accidentally taped him, I would have believed Justin. He wouldn't lie about something like that."

Sally's features darkened and she pursed her lips as she let a loud breath out through her nose. "Besides, it's Michael that hates Justin. And I mean _really_ hates him. That bastard let Damian walk away with Justin last October. There's no way he couldn't have noticed that Justin was fucking terrified out of his mind. He just _let_ Damian take Justin away which makes him just as guilty as that asshole doctor. That scar on Justin's arm is always going to be there. He'll never be able to really forget what Damian did to him. How he...."

This time Sally let out a muted scream, making fists in her purple hair and tugging at it in an attempt to vent her frustration. "A few months ago, Justin and I got really drunk one Friday night and he told me everything. Everything that Damian had done to him. I wish that I had been drunk enough to not remember what Justin had told me, but I do. I remember every single word he said and knowing that Michael helped to make that happen makes me sick to my stomach.

"And now Michael's added Brian to his list of victims. That is what really blows my mind," the ex-cheerleader said with a mirthless chuckle. "I've heard a zillion from Michael's own mouth just how much he loves Brian. How he's his best friend and all that bullshit. So for him to go and do this... it just doesn't make sense. There's the whole 'if I can't have him, no one can' theory fluttering around, but that's pretty childish, even for Michael. He should have been happy that Brian found someone who he loved. After all, he had Dr. Dave, so why shouldn't Brian be allowed to have Justin? It just doesn’t make sense.... Not in the least."

Crawling forward across the mattress, Sally leaned over so that she could shut off her camcorder. Once it was off, she slumped back, sprawling out on her back.

"I wish to God that it did make sense," she murmured, scrubbing her hands over her face. The former cheerleader continued to lie there for a few minutes longer before rolling over and off the bed. She had homework to do before she picked up some dinner for her and Justin and went back to the hospital.

She had to take care of Justin. Keep him functioning and sane so that he could look after Brian.


	4. Raging Sunshine

Brian had squeezed his hand that morning.

The doctors had tried to tell him that it was only a muscle spasm, but Justin knew different. Brian was beginning to wake up. Justin was smart enough to know that it wouldn't be like a movie and that Brian would just suddenly open his eyes and everything would be okay. For Brian to wake up would be an ordeal in and of itself and would probably take a few days. Justin knew that. He was prepared for that because in the end Brian would wake up.

It had been almost a week since the prom. It was Thursday already and aside from his quick trip home the previous Saturday, Justin hadn't left the hospital. He'd barely even left Brian's room for that matter, only going to the cafeteria when Brian was wheeled out to get some tests done so that the doctors could make sure that the swelling around his brain was receding. And even though none of the doctors would say so, Justin knew that they were worried about where Brian had been hit. That area of the skull was softer.

The day before he'd heard one of the neurologists tell one of the other doctors, "By all rights he should be dead. Spinal columns normally get severed in blows like that."

Justin had barely made it to the small bathroom in Brian's room before he vomited up the meager amount of food he'd managed to eat that morning. Until that moment, Justin had managed to convince himself that the blow had simply bounced Brian's brain around in his head a bit too much and that he'd be fine as soon as it was given a chance to heal. It was naive, but it was what he'd wanted to believe. To find out that it was only pure chance that had kept Brian alive at all sent him reeling.

"I should have stayed with you," Justin told Brian as he sat curled up in an uncomfortable hospital chair pulled up as close as possible to the bed. "Demanded to go with you to the airport or stayed until you got in the car. Maybe Michael wouldn't have gone after you then. Or he would have hit me instead. Because that would have been okay. I know that you would have missed me, but you would have got over it. No one else would have really noticed that I was gone."

"That's a lie, Justin, and you know it," Vic hissed, startling the blonde. "This whole family loves you a great deal. You're just as much a part of this family as Brian is."

Drawing his legs up to his chest, Justin rested his chin against his knees. "That's not true, Vic, and we both know it. I'm just the troubled kid that Brian brought home with him and forced everyone else to make nice with. Everyone would be happy if I'd never showed up because then Michael wouldn't have attacked Brian. It's my fault that this happened. I did this! I might as well have given Michael the fucking bat myself."

"Oh, Justin...."

Out of the corner of his eye, Justin could see Vic starting to move towards him and immediately shook his head. He didn't want comfort. He didn't deserve it. He was the one who had started this whole thing, after all. If he had just done what Damian had wanted that night, Brian wouldn't have even noticed that he was there. Brian would have simply gone on with his life and he would have been safe.

Justin himself would have been free by now in any event. If Brian hadn't rescued that night, Justin knew that he would have lasted only a few more months as Damian's plaything before he took a tumble off the balcony that opened up from the doctor's penthouse suite. It would have been so easy for him by that point. He'd had nothing. No reason for anything. Brian was the one who had changed all that and Justin had repaid him by almost getting him killed.

"No matter what you might think, Justin, none of this is your fault," Vic attempted to reassure him. "You didn't give Michael the bat and you certainly didn't tell him to try and kill Brian with it. He did that all on his own."

"Then tell me why?" Justin snuffled, turning his head so that he could meet the older man's worried gaze. "Tell me why Michael did it. Everyone's telling me that it's not my fault, but unless Michael had some other reason for hurting Brian then it is."

Vic was silent for a moment. He opened and closed his mouth several times, mulling over the words he was about to speak. "Something happened between Brian and Michael before Brian went to Chicago. I don't know what it is, Michael won't say, but it's been festering inside of him. And then when Brian came back for your prom.... Something inside of Michael just snapped then."

"But I don't get why he attacked _Brian_. That doesn't make any sense," Justin insisted, feeling the hysteria growing within him. "You guys try to gloss over it, but I know that I'm the reason Michael thinks he and Brian will never be together. That was made perfectly clear to me a long time ago."

"And that's Michael's problem, not yours," Vic informed him. "What Michael does has absolutely nothing to do with you."

Justin snorted mirthlessly, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Those are nice words, but that doesn't mean they're true. You know as well as I do that I had everything to do with what happened."

Vic may have tried to protest more, but Justin wasn't paying any attention to him. Out of the corner of his eye he'd seen Brian's index finger twitch. At first he'd just thought that he was imagining it, but then it happened again. Uncurling his legs, Justin leaned forward and enfolded Brian's hand in both of his. It took another few moments, but there was another twitch, this time of his middle finger.

"Can you hear me in there?" Justin murmured, leaning over so that his lips brushed against Brian's earlobe. "I'm right here, Bri. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. Not until you wake up.... But I'd be really grateful if you woke up soon. You'd save me a few grey hairs."

After that, Brian made no more voluntary movements. There were no more finger twitches or any other type of muscle spasm.

Half an hour later, Justin was expelled from the room so that Dr. Morgan, Brian's main doctor, could wheel him out of the room for yet another CAT scan.

"He's waking up," Justin insisted to the doctor, watching over Brian as the nurses did whatever it was that they did to the machines so that Brian could be moved out of the room. "He's been fidgeting around all day. His hands anyway.... Brian's waking up."

The young doctor pursed his lips, idly scratching at his jaw with the blunt end of his pen. "We've been over this before, Justin. The movements are only reactionary. It doesn't mean--"

"That Brian's waking up, I know," Justin sighed. Brian was transferred to a stretcher then and Justin watched as he was wheeled from the room. "But you don't know how stubborn Brian is. He'll wake up just so he doesn't have to sleep on his back anymore."

"You're the one who knows him best," Dr. Morgan admitted, his smile a genuine one. "Hopefully after this round of tests we'll be able to tell you whether or not Brian is really starting to wake up. If he is then he should start to become coherent by Friday or Saturday."

"Friday or Saturday?" Justin repeated hopefully.

Dr. Morgan was somewhat hesitant, but he nodded his head nonetheless. "I can't promise you anything right now, but if Brian's started the process of waking up then in a few days you should be able to get a decent night's sleep."

Taking the admonishment for what it was, Justin ducked his head sheepishly.

"Now go get something to eat," Dr. Morgan ordered. "You'll have him back in an hour."

Hurrying to catch up with the stretcher that Brian was on, Justin stayed with him until he was put on the elevator. Then he waited for a second one, intending to go down to the cafeteria on the main floor. For the first time in the past week, Justin was feeling calm. Brian was going to wake up. Soon. In a few days Brian would open his eyes and Justin would know that his lover was aware of what was going on around him.

The smile fled his face when the doors opened on the main floor and Justin came face to face with yet another victim of the whole ordeal.

"Dave? Hey. I thought you were in Portland," Justin stammered, not entirely sure how he should react to the chiropractor's presence.

"I was," the older man sighed, moving to the side as Justin exited the elevator. "I've been calling all week to find out what happened to Michael and finally got in touch with Ted yesterday."

For the first time Justin realized just how out of touch he'd been with things. It hadn't even crossed his mind that someone would have to call Dr. Dave for him to find out about what was going on. Or that no one would have made the call. David deserved to know what the man he had been about to spend the rest of his life with was capable of.

"I was about to go get something to eat, did you want to come with me?" Justin offered, feeling incredibly sorry for the older man.

"I could use a cup of coffee," Dr. Dave agreed, falling in step beside Justin who was already moving towards the cafeteria.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, Justin following the path that he'd traveled many times over the past week. He could probably make the trip blindfolded if it wasn't for the fact that gurneys were always in different positions and there were lots of people milling about. Justin shivered as he walked past the exam room that he'd been taken to that first night he met Brian. Two doors down was where he'd had his arm stitched up. Across the hall was where he'd been after Damian had taken him. Every time he walked down this hallway, the same thoughts flitted through Justin's mind. Too much of the early part of their relationship had been spent in a hospital.

Justin shook his head slightly, turning over to David who had obviously just asked him something. "What? I'm sorry, but head is a little frazzled right now."

"I asked how Brian is," David repeated, opening the door to the cafeteria so that Justin could enter.

"It looks like he's finally starting to wake up," Justin told him, his smile genuine. "They're doing some tests to make sure, but it doesn't look like there's going to be some drawn out coma watch. If he really is starting to wake up, Dr. Morgan said he should be _awake_ awake by the weekend."

"I'm glad to hear it," David said as they stepped in line. "For all that we don't get along, Brian's a good man. If I'd known what Michael was going to do...."

"You couldn't have known," Justin was quick to assure him, picking up a tray. He snatched up a premade ham and swiss sandwich and a chocolate pudding cup before moving down further to order a coffee from one of the ladies behind the counter. "Medium, four things of sugar, please.... Brian could have stayed in Chicago. Things happen and you can't wish them away. I've learned that. So now we just have to deal with this and wait for things to sort themselves out. That's what I keep telling myself anyway."

David pushed Justin's hand away as he reached for his wallet. "My treat. I'll also have a medium coffee. Black."

Collecting his tray, Justin moved to the first available table, slumping down in the seat. He toyed with the spoon for his pudding cup, tapping it against the lid of the container as he waited for David to join him. He also wasn't very hungry if he was honest with himself. But he had to eat. He needed to eat so he could stay awake and take care of Brian. Because no one else was going to.

"So how are you holding up, Justin," David asked as he sat down across from him. "I want the truth, not what you've been telling everyone else."

Before he could stop himself, a smile found its way to Justin's lips. It lasted for only a few seconds before it began to waver, the corners of his eyes prickling with tears. "Like everything I know is falling apart. I just... I'm fucking terrified this is only the beginning and that things are just gonna keep getting worse. That Brian's gonna end up with some irreparable brain damage or that Michael will get out of jail and hurt Brian again. Worse this time. And that the others will let him. Michael could make up some excuse about why he did it and they'll believe him and let him go see Brian. That's why I can't leave him. I have to stay with him and make sure that no one else hurts him."

A sudden panic overtaking him, Justin shot up from his seat and bolted from the cafeteria. He was suddenly consumed by the fear that something was going to happen to Brian.

"Justin!"

Ignoring David's shout, Justin sprinted down the corridor towards the staircase. He didn't want to wait for an elevator and they were too slow anyway. He knocked into a few people along the way, shouting apologies over his shoulder, but not slowing down.

Justin was panting when he reached Brian's room. Inside someone was placing clean sheets on the bed and Justin's knees nearly gave way under him. In that moment Justin fully believed that Brian was dead and that the hospital was getting ready to put someone else in the room.

"Are you all right, Mr. Taylor?" the nurse asked when she noticed Justin's presence.

"Bri... Brian...?" 

"Is still with Dr. Morgan," the nurse assured him. "He should be back in an hour. Are you sure you're all right, Mr. Taylor?"

Justin sagged against the door jamb, frightened by the relief he felt. Rationally he had known the whole time that Brian was with the doctor, but he'd allowed his fears to get the better of him. 

"I'm fine," he finally managed to gasp out, staggering out of the doorway so that he could slump into the lumpy chair in the far corner of the room. "I'm just a little lightheaded."

"Which is why you need to eat," David said as he entered the room, sandwich and pudding cup in hand.

Justin offered the older man an exhausted half-smile as he accepted the plastic covered food that was offered. "Sorry if I freaked you out back there. I've been a little out of it lately."

"Don't apologize, just eat," David ordered.

Even though he'd never been exactly friends with Michael's chiropractic boyfriend, Justin felt comfortable around him then. David had been in love with Michael. They'd been getting read to start a life together and in a matter of seconds that life had fallen apart. And while Justin knew that he was going to get Brian back, David's life had been completely torn apart.

"So what are you going to do now?" Justin asked as he swallowed the last bite of his sandwich.

"The only thing I can do. I go back to Portland and go on with my life," David answered honestly as he leaned back against the newly made bed. "I'd like to call in periodically and check up on Brian. If that's okay with you, of course. It may not have always looked like it, but I do care about what happens to him."

"Of course," Justin agreed automatically, setting the lid of his pudding cup on the arm of the chair. "You're still a part of this family. As much as I am anyway."

David pushed himself up off the bed, offering Justin a tight smile. "You're the center of this family. You and Brian. Everything revolves around the two of you. Remember that."

After saying his piece, David left the room and Justin was pretty sure that he was never going to see the older man again.

Justin ate the chocolate pudding slowly, idly flipping through the fuzzy channels on the small TV in Brian's hospital room. It was a miracle that he the old episode of Saved By The Bell was clear enough to watch. He was halfway through the second episode when there was movement in the doorway and Brian was being wheeled back into the room. Justin was on his feet in an instant, shoving his garbage in the dust bin before he began to hover near the bed, waiting for Brian to be transferred back to it.

As soon as he was able to, Justin slipped back into his customary chair, sliding his fingers into Brian's hair. "Hey, babe," Justin murmured, leaning over to brush a kiss to Brian's forehead.

"It looks like your instincts were right," Dr. Morgan said as he entered the room then. "Brian's starting to wake up. In a few days he should be fully conscious."

Having his beliefs confirmed, Justin slumped into the chair. Brian was waking up. His lover wasn't going to spend the rest of his life as a vegetable. And whatever else was wrong with Brian, Justin knew that his lover would recover from once he had the time. Brian was the strongest person he knew. There was no way he would let a bat to the head stop him.

"I'll be back to check on him before I go," Dr. Morgan said as he added a few more scribbles to Brian's chart. "Marie will be his nurse tonight so if you have any problems just call her. Okay."

"I know the routine," Justin murmured, his eyes never straying from Brian. "Oh, could you make sure to tell the others. They'll want to know."

Dr. Morgan disappeared not long after that, going to check up on his other patients. Justin was glad for the chance to be alone with him again. Especially now that he knew Brian was waking up.

Sitting back in his chair, Justin slowly began to trace his fingertips along Brian's. He frowned when he realized just how pronounced the knuckles were. The veins were standing out as well, especially the one that had an IV needle piercing it. The skin was so dry to and Justin made a mental note to ask Sally to bring some hand lotion with her the next time she came.

Brian's fingers felt cold to the touch, so Justin wrapped his hand around them, attempting to rub some warmth into them. He made sure to keep the movements very gentle so that he could feel any movements Brian made on his own.

"The doctor says you're starting to wake up," Justin murmured, reaching his free hand up to play with Brian's hair. "That you'll be awake in a few days. I let you have your week long beauty sleep, but enough is enough so you'd better wake up."

Having expected as much, Justin really wasn't surprised when there was a stampede to the door of Brian's hospital room. It was a relatively small stampede consisting of only Vic, Lindsay carrying Gus and Ted, but it was still a stampede.

"He's really starting to wake up?" Lindsay panted, bouncing Gus against her hip. When the infant started to wiggle, demanding to be put down, Lindsay hesitated. 

Justin gave Brian's hand a quick squeeze before uncurling himself from the chair he was in. "Brian's really starting to wake up," he confirmed as he reached for Gus who was waving his hands in Justin's direction. "Come on, Gus, let's go see your Dadda."

Not really knowing what was going on, the nine-mouth-old with the collar of Justin's t-shirt, tugging it down as far as he could then attempting to pull it over his mouth. Justin carefully sat them down in his chair, watching to make sure that Gus didn't attempt to tug out any of the wires or tubes. It was a few moments before Gus realized the change of scenery and his eyes got wide when he saw who was lying on the bed.

"Da!" the miniature version of Brian Kinney chirped, waving a hand in his father's direction. "Da! Da!"

"That's Dadda," Justin murmured, brushing a kiss against the side of the small head. "And pretty soon Dadda's gonna wake up. Then everything is gonna be all right again. I'll make sure of it."


	5. Raging Sunshine

There was something moving over his fingers. He wasn’t exactly sure what that thing was, only that it was there and that it tickled a bit. Enough for him to notice in any case. Then the soft touches became fingers that were twining with his and Brian knew instantly who it was that was with him.

Justin.

Justin’s touch was one that he knew better than his own. One that he craved more than any other and Brian became frustrated when he tried and failed several times to squeeze Justin’s fingers. He strained and struggled to tighten his hold around Justin and failed with each exhausting attempt.

".... doctor sa-- you're starting to..... up," Justin's voice broke into the darkness, his thumb brushing against his forehead. "That you'll...... awake........... ays. I let....................... beauty sleep, bu..... ough is en................ ter wake up."

Mere seconds later the world slipped out of focus again and Brian could no longer feel Justin’s hand in his. He couldn’t feel or hear anything. Brian couldn’t even feel himself. The only reason he was convinced that he was still a part of reality was a constant pressure, almost like he was underwater and yet somehow also not attached to his body.

“--love you.......................... a lot over the past wee-- but that doesn’t........ ess true,” Justin told him, his thumb still moving over the back of his hand. If it had even stopped during the time he couldn’t remember. “I..... hoping........... say it............... ll ge-- through your..... Mick skull and............. up.................... to wake.... Bri. It’s not negoci-- I need you...............so that I can see those beautiful eyes of yours............. I’d settle......... to just squeeze..... hand.....”

More than anything, Brian wanted to do what Justin was asking. What he assumed he was asking because the words were so jilted that Brian could only guess that he was putting them in the right order. Even if he wasn’t, he wanted to squeeze his hand, open his eyes and say Justin’s name. He wanted to see Justin again. Brian was beyond frustrated with the constant blackness and wanted more than anything to see Justin’s wide smile.

“Brian?”

It was only after the fact that Brian realized he had squeezed Justin’s hand. He focused hard on what he had done and, with no small amount of effort, managed to squeeze Justin’s hand a second time.

“Dusssinnn....”

“Bri?” Justin whimpered, moving his free hand up to smooth his bangs away from his face. “Hey th-- Long......... o see.”

Brian’s confusion only grew at that. His eyes weren’t open. Everything was still black.

“Juss....” he moaned, feeling his eyelids moving but still not seeing anything. “Zit dark?”

“--ark? Bri, why would--”

“Izit dark?” Brian insisted, cutting him off and feeling his panic growing even more. He was awake which meant that the dark should have been gone. He should have been able to see Justin’s face but he still couldn’t see anything. Not a single thing. “Jus-tin...?” he tried again, squeezing Justin’s hand as tight as he was able.

“I’m right here, Brian,” Justin murmured, leaning in close so that their noses brushed against each other. “Right in fr--”

Brian shut his eyes tightly, praying that when he opened them he’d be able to see Justin. Or at least be able to hear all of what Justin was saying. He didn’t want to stay stuck in the nightmare he was in. Something had happened. Something big and for the life of him Brian couldn’t figure out what that thing was. It was why he couldn’t see even when he opened his eyes again. He couldn’t see Justin or anything else. Brian wasn’t aware that he’d started shaking until he felt Justin’s hand steady against his cheek. He concentrated as hard as he was able, hoping to be able to focus on Justin’s voice if not see him.

“Bri, you need to relax now,” Justin whispered against his lips. “You’re making the machines do all............... things. Just breathe deep.... Listen to my voice and breathe.... Deep and even.... That’s it, Bri.........eathe with me. I’m right here with you. Okay...... I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave you. That’s a promise.”

“Jusss.....” Brian whimpered, fumbling a hand towards his lover. His fingers crawled across his stomach, finding Justin’s arm and latching onto it loosely.

And squeezed tightly when he heard a sound coming from somewhere in the room.

“Shhhh.... It’s okay, Bri...... Dr. Morgan. He’s just going to check you out and figure out why you can’t see,” Justin assured him, his voice incredibly calm and soothing which helped ease his frazzled nerves only slightly. There was no way he could calm down completely when he still couldn’t see. “It’s gonna be okay, babe. You woke up. That was the hard part. You’ll..........”

Brian wanted to stay calm, but when he heard Justin’s voice crack he felt his panic increasing and let out a cry when he felt Justin pulling away.

“Wel........... --ciousness, Mr. Kinney,” a strange voice said, startling Brian who held even tighter to Justin’s hand. “My na..............ase Mor--n. I’ve been ................. case since you were .............. week....o.”

“We-ek...?” Brian echoed, his body beginning to shake even more.

“That’s right, Bri,” Justin confirmed, brushing a light kiss against his forehead. “You’ve been ....... ma for a week...... you’re awake now................ important.”

Instead of making him feel better, Justin’s words only increased the fear Brian felt. It had been frightening enough before when he’d just thought that something bad had happened but to know that he’d been in a coma for an entire week....

“Wha ‘appened?” Brian demanded, holding tight to Justin’s hand so that he knew where the blonde was at all times. He didn’t want Justin disappearing into the dark where he couldn’t find him.

Justin lifted his hand, pressing a kiss against his knuckles. “It doesn’t ............ now, Bri. ............ Morgan check..... out..... kay?”

“Stay here?”

In his mind, Brian could almost envision the smile that would have been on Justin’s face then, comforting himself with the imagined vision when he was unable to see the reality.

“Yeah, I’ll stay. I promised, didn’t I?”

“Hold you t’ it,” Brian mumbled, feeling sleep overtake him once again.

Brian held onto consciousness as long as he was able, focusing on the feel of Justin's hand within his own. He was exhausted, though, and before long sleep claimed him. The whole time Brian fought it. He didn't want to sleep. He didn't want to know if he was going to wake up again or if Justin would be there.

"... not permanent?"

"Juss...." Brian groaned, shifting slightly to make sure Justin knew he was awake. His throat felt awful, drier than a desert, and he had to swallow several times to keep from coughing. "Water?"

"Sure. Hold on a sec.... Here you go," Justin murmured as he touched a straw to his lips. Brian managed a few sips which did wonders for his throat and as he took the cup away, Justin's fingers brushed against his temple and he leaned in close, brushing a kiss against his forehead. "Welcome back. How are you feeling?"

"I can't see anything," Brian said slowly, blinking his eyes several times so that he could be sure that his eyes were actually open.

"I was just explaining that to Justin."

Brian jerked when he heard the voice. He didn't know that person and he couldn't tell where the voice was coming from. Then there was the beeping and the other mechanical noises and people and footsteps. _Loud_ echoing footsteps. Too many.

"Brian, breathe," Justin said slowly, framing his face in his hands. "Nice and deep.... That's right. In. Out. In. Out...."

Brian did his best to breathe in time with Justin. He squeezed his eyes shut tight and focused on nothing but Justin's warm breath as it blew against his cheek. With no small amount of effort, Brian forced himself to breathe in time with Justin. Over and again, breathing in and out until he felt himself begin to calm, helped in no small part by Justin's fingers moving lightly over his face.

"Are you okay now?" Justin asked quietly, his lips soft against Brian's.

Brian nodded his head carefully, aware of the throbbing ache at the base of his skull. "Why can't I see anything?"

"I'm going to let Dr. Morgan explain that, okay?" Justin said softly, his face still very close to Brian's own. "He's been your doctor since you came in and he's standing just behind me right now."

"Right behind you?" Brian repeated, tiredly slid his hand upwards so that he could grasp Justin's arm, squeezing to ensure himself that Justin was real.

"Right behind me," Justin confirmed. "Okay?"

"Okay," Brian murmured, steeling himself for the doctor's presence.

There was some shuffling of papers, coming, Brian assumed, from the doctor. When Dr. Morgan finally did speak, it was very softly. "Hello again, Brian. Like Justin said, I'm Doctor Chase Morgan. I've been your treating physician since you were brought in here with a head injury last Friday."

"H-head inj...."

"Yes. You received a blow to the back of the head with a baseball bat," Dr. Morgan informed him rather bluntly. "There was a lot of internal swelling at the sight of the injury, but thankfully not so severe that we needed to perform surgery. However, there are some slight complications as a result of the location of the injury."

"More than slight," Brian grumbled, leaning further into Justin's touch, needing the contact.

"It's our hope that your current blindness is only temporary," Dr. Morgan was quick to assure him. "The swelling is in the area that controls vision so as long as your brain remains bruised and swollen there it will hinder your ability to see. That will change as it heals. As your brain heals your vision will improve. Now I can't guarantee that your vision will be perfect when the injury heals-- you'll likely need corrective lenses --but the fact that you're woken up so quickly is very promising."

"So I'll be able to see again?" Brian prompted, fighting back a yawn that was desperate to get out. He didn't want to sleep again, not when he had spent so little time with Justin.

"In time," Dr. Morgan said, giving him the non-answer that doctors were so well known for. "Now I'll be back to check on you later, Brian. For now you need to rest. Listen to your body, sleep when it tells you to. You need a lot of sleep."

Brian gave a mumbled response, the yawn finally coming out despite his best attempts to swallow it.

"Just sleep, Bri," Justin whispered, leaning forward to brush a soft kiss against his lips. "It's like Dr. Morgan said, you need to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

Brian didn't want to sleep, but it was inevitable. Simply following what Dr. Morgan had been saying took all of his energy and--

"--surprised that you're not celebrating more," Sally chirped, her voice reverberating in Brian's skull.

Groaning, Brian shifted his stiff muscles, attempting to find a comfortable position on the uncomfortable bed. "Juss...."

"Right here," Justin said as his fingers slid through Brian's. "You need some water?"

Brian felt his body relax at Justin's touch and croaked out a quiet, "Please."

"Hey, Mister Big and Bad," Sally cheered, her voice sounding closer than it had before. It was also a lot quieter. "It's nice to see you back among the living. Maybe now Justin will get some descent sleep."

"What're you doing in Chicago?" Brian asked her once he had swallowed the last bit of water.

Justin's fingers which had been smoothing through his hair faltered slightly in their rhythm. "We're not in Chicago, Brian. We're in Pittsburgh."

Brian couldn't wrap his tired mind around that fact. He should have been in Chicago. He'd been on a business trip with five days left before he returned home. Something had obviously happened that he couldn't remember.

"Justin, what....? Why am I...?"

The silence that followed wasn't the least bit comforting. That Justin wasn't saying anything couldn't be a good sign. 

"You came back for our prom," Sally said at last, her usual hyper tone frighteningly subdued. "You and Justin danced one dance then when you were going back to the parking lot so you could catch a flight back to Chicago and you got attacked."

"Are you all right?" Brian demanded, flailing a hand in the direction he assumed Justin's face to be. At that moment Brian hated not being able to see more than before. He wouldn't have put it past Justin to hide an injury no matter how severe. "The truth."

"I'm perfectly fine, Brian," Justin was quick to assure him, caressing his bottom lip with a thumb. "Nothing happened to me because I was too far away.... I couldn't stop it."

There was a painful crack in Justin's voice at the end and Brian wanted nothing more than to pull him into his arms. But he couldn't see where Justin's shoulders were at to grab at them and even if he'd been able too he had barely enough energy to keep his eyes open.

"Not your fault," Brian said around a yawn.

Justin began to brush his thumbs down over his eyelids, forcing his eyes to shut. "Get some sleep, Bri."

"Yeah, I've gotta go take Justin for his daily feeding anyway," Sally spoke up, sounding much closer than she had before. Probably standing just over Justin's shoulder.

"I'm not hungry," Justin protested half-heartedly, his grumbling stomach contradicting his words.

"Go eat," Brian ordered, his exhaustion creeping up even more. "I'm just gonna sleep anyway."

It was several days before Brian was able to remain conscious for more than a few minutes. There were lots of tests and another CAT scan and not being able to see anything during any of it made things even worse. The doctors could talk him through as many procedures as they wanted, but he didn't feel comfortable not knowing exactly what was happening to him. There were always strange noises that would catch him off guard, alarms that would go off, and no one would tell him what it meant. All he heard was that the swelling was going down and that everything seemed fine otherwise.

The thing that frustrated Brian the most, though, was that no one would tell him who had attacked him. Brian had hoped that he would be able to weasel some information about what had happened out of Lindsay, but she was as tight-lipped as the rest.

In the end, it was Sally who told him. The two of them had managed to convince Justin to go home for the night and get some real sleep and Sally was sticking around until Brian dozed off.

"I don't need a baby-sitter," Brian said, turning his head in the direction the pop bottle fizzing open. "I'm perfectly capable of falling asleep without anyone watching."

"I'm humouring Justin," Sally informed him, grin evident in her voice. "He's expecting a phone call from me when you fall asleep."

Brian smirked, but remained silent for a few minutes. The radio that Deb had brought for him was playing quietly from the table beside him and Brian leaned over to turn it off. "Hey, Smurf, I have a proposition for you."

"That sounds dangerous," the ex-cheerleader giggled. "Fire away then I'll decide."

With a great deal of effort, Brian managed to heave himself into a full seated position. He silently cursed his body's frailty. He'd only sit up from his already reclined position and he felt as though he'd run up all the stairs to the loft. "You tell me... who attack... attacked me and I'll let you... see... my dick."

That time around Sally's laughter was strained. "As tempting as that is...."

"Sally, please.... I need to know," Brian pleaded. "No one will tell me, not even the cops."

"Brian...." Sally groaned and there was a thump as she set something down on the table. "There's probably a reason they're not telling you. You can't even remember coming back to the Pitts and it's not like you saw him so--"

"Him?" Brian prompted. "Sally, come on. Just give me a name."

"Boris Karlof."

"Sally," Brian ground out, furrowing his brows in an attempt at a glare.

There was a long pause. One that stretched out longer than Sally simply trying to come up with the name of an old movie great. Brian was just about to ask her again when Sally let out a rumbling sigh.

"It was Michael," the teen mumbled right after. "Michael came up behind you with a baseball bat and...."

Whatever was said after that, Brian didn't hear. It wasn't real. It couldn't be. Michael wouldn't have done that to-- couldn't have done that to him.

"You're wrong," Brian eventually managed to choke out.

"I wish I was, but...."

"No!"


	6. Raging Sunshine

Justin managed to get to the parking lot after the tenth attempt. It was the first time he was leaving the hospital in a week and a half and he didn't want to leave Brian. His lover was awake now, but Brian still couldn't see. That meant Brian was still vulnerable. Even more so after eight when he got his meds and became sleepy. Justin wouldn't have left, but Brian had insisted that he get a good night's sleep in their bed so that he'd be "bright eyed and bushy tailed" when he made his speech at his graduation the next day.

And despite his accomplishment of getting down to the parking lot, it turned out to be moot point when he reached into his pocket for the keys to the jeep and came up empty handed. 

"Damn it," Justin cursed under his breath knowing that he would have to go through the task of leaving the hospital again. He had no problem having the excuse to see Brian again, it was just having to force himself to leave that he wasn't looking forward to because Justin wasn't sure that he could manage it a second time.

Justin jogged back to the hospital entrance quickly and made his way up to Brian's new room. He'd been moved out of the ICU earlier that morning since it was now only a matter of waiting for the swelling around his brain to heal enough for him to be allowed to go home. Doctor Morgan expected Brian to be at the hospital for another few weeks at least. 

Justin was just turning into the hallway where Brian's room was and stopped dead in his tracks. Doctor Morgan was rushing into Brian's room as well as several nurses and Sally was being shoved out. Panicking, Justin ran over to his best friend, desperate to know what was going on. Brian had been fine when he'd left not even ten minutes before.

"Sally, what the fuck is going on?" Justin cried as they neared each other. "What happened to Brian?"

"I'm so sorry, Justin. I didn't know what would happen," Sally whimpered as she came to a stop in front of the blonde.

Justin glanced over her shoulder in the direction of Brian's room, his fear growing even more. "Didn't know what would happen, Sal? What happened?"

"Justin, I suggest you get in here," Dr. Morgan called as he poked his head out into the hallway.

Giving Sally's arm a quick squeeze, Justin moved past her and darted over to the doctor. "Hey, what's going on? Is Brian all right? What's going on?"

"Something upset Brian and he started ripping all of his tubes and wires out," Dr. Morgan explained, guiding Justin a little ways down the corridor. "We were forced to give him a sedative to calm him down before he did any serious damage to himself. He should hopefully sleep for a few hours and in that time you could find out from your friend if she knows what set him off."

"I will," Justin murmured, glancing over at Sally who was standing exactly where Justin had left her, chewing nervously on her red painted thumbnail. "So Brian's all right physically, yeah?"

"Nothing serious," Dr. Morgan confirmed with a nod of his head. "He tore the top of his hand a bit when he yanked out the IV, but that's about it.... Now I'm going to go check on him a final time and I'm off."

"Thanks, Dr. Morgan," Justin said, offering the doctor a tight smile before he walked back into Brian's room. As soon as the doctor was in Brian's room, Justin turned back in his blue-haired friend's direction. She had a few tears trickling down her cheeks as she shuffled towards him.

"I'm sorry, Justin," Sally snuffled, scrubbing at her hands with the heels of her palms. "I don't know why I told him. Brian was asking if he could give me a proposition-- he'd let me see his dick in return for information.... I didn't take him up on it. I wouldn't take advantage of Brian like that. But he wanted to know and he asked me and I tried to stall him, I really did, but.... I told him. I'm so sorry, Justin. I know you haven't told him yet and that you probably wanted to be the one to do it and I'm _so_ sorry. I didn't know that he would react like that and--"

"Sally," Justin barked, interrupting her rant. "What did you tell Brian?"

Chewing nervously on her bottom lip, Sally glanced down at the floor as she answered. "Who hit him."

As soon as the words left her mouth, Justin squeezed his eyes shut tight. He'd known that he would eventually have to tell Brian that it was Michael had attacked him, but he hadn't been able to work up the guts to yet because he hadn't thought Brian was ready to hear it. Brian had only been awake for four days, he was still slightly muddled and was still really jumpy when sounds caught him off guard.

"It's okay," Justin said at last, raking his fingers through his already rumpled hair. "Brian had to find out sometime and I could only keep making excuses to explain Michael's absence for so long."

"I'm sorry," she snuffled once again and Justin pulled her into his arms.

"Don't worry about it, Sal. It'll be okay," he assured her, pressing a kiss to her dyed hair. When he pulled back, the smile was once again in place. "Why don't you go home now. I'm gonna stick around and wait for Brian to wake up. Make sure he's all right."

"'Kay," she murmured, taking a few steps back. "I'll see you tomorrow. Make sure you come over to my place 'cause my dad wants to take some pictures and I have your cap and gown which you kinda need."

"I will," Justin promised, already turning towards Brian's room. "Night, Sally."

"Goodnight, Justin."

Justin watched Sally's retreat out of the corner of his eye, waiting until she turned the corner, before entering Brian's room. Doctor Morgan was just finishing up when Justin entered, giving some last minute instructions to the nurse who was busy reattaching Brian to the machines that surrounded his bed.

"Did your friend happen to tell you what sent Brian off?" Doctor Morgan asked him once he had finished with the nurse.

Justin let out a breath, rubbing his palms over his cheeks. "Brian asked her who attacked him. It's not her fault, though. She didn't want to tell him, but when Brian sets his mind to something there's no changing it."

"What's done is done," the older man agreed, nodding his head slightly. "Anyway, I'm going to send the shrink in tomorrow morning to talk to Brian. Doctor Madyk should be here around nine tomorrow and I'll let her know ahead of time that you can stay with Brian if he wants you there."

"Great. Thanks," Justin stammered as his eyes trailed over to Brian who was lying still in the center of the bed.

A few more pleasantries and then Justin was able to say goodbye to the doctor and nurse. Then he was alone with Brian. The first thing that Justin noticed as he approached the bed was the massive bruise on the back of Brian's left hand where the IV had been ripped out. Just like Doctor Morgan had said, Brian was asleep, aided by a sedative, so Justin took up his seat next to the bed to watch over his lover while he slept.

Justin wished that he could have been the one to tell Brian about what Michael had done. Not that he'd had any idea how he was going to do that so in a sense he owed Sally that. All that he had to do was pick up the pieces and try to help Brian understand something that even he hadn't been able to wrap his mind around yet.

Over the next two hours Justin alternated between watching the small television in Brian's room and reading Brian's well-read copy of The Fountainhead. His lover had read the book so many times that the notes he'd penned into the margins were nearly rubbed off in some places from too much handling. He'd been reading it in bits and pieces since he'd moved in with Brian back in September, in the beginning trying to find out more about Brian by reading what he'd written in the margins. Now he was just reading it because he was fascinated by the story.

There was a quiet moan that announced the sedative wearing off. It was several more minutes before Brian's eyes began to flutter open despite the fact that he couldn't see anything. It was simply a natural reaction to waking up.

"Hey, Brian," Justin murmured, letting Brian know that he was there since he wasn't holding his hand like he often was when his lover awoke. "If you're still feeling a little groggy that's just the sedative they gave you."

"Why?"

Justin knew that he could have easily played off Brian's question and pretend that he thought Brian was asking about the sedative. It wouldn't have worked for long, but it would have given him more of a chance to figure out how he was going to answer Brian's question. A question that he had been expecting, but didn't know how to answer.

"I don't know why," Justin said at last as he slid his hand into Brian's. "I wish I had some explanation to give you, but I really don't know why he did it. Even Deb can't get it out of him. She's tried, but he won't talk to her. He won't talk to anyone."

Brian squeezed Justin's hand tightly. "Michael wouldn't do that."

"Except that he did," Justin sighed, smoothing Brian's bangs away from his face. The dark-haired man looked positively wretched and squeezed his eyes shut tight. Justin moved his fingertips lightly over Brian's closed eyelids then up to his eyebrows, soothing away the deep creases.

"Come 'ere," Brian mumbled, tugging on Justin's hand.

Justin's eyes widened when he realized just what it was Brian was asking for. "Bri, I'm not sure...."

"You won't hurt me," he insisted, his grip becoming more insistent as he scooted backwards.

Being extremely careful, Justin climbed into the now empty space in the bed. He waited for Brian to situate himself and get comfortable before he stretched out alongside his lover. Immediately, Brian pressed up against him, burrowing his head under Justin's chin. Only when he was sure that Brian was settled did Justin drape an arm across his waist. As soon as he had Brian properly enfolded in his arms, Justin's body relaxed and he pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

"I've missed this," Justin admitted a few moments later. "Missed holding you."

Brian gave a grunted response as he relaxed further into Justin's arms, the sedatives obviously not having worn off entirely. Within minutes Brian was sleeping soundly against him, his breath wheezing out at even intervals. The comforting sound lulled Justin into a light doze as well.

He jerked awake what felt like only a moment later, the room now almost completely dark now that the sun had gone down. The reason he woke up became apparent when he heard the panicked moan muffled against his shoulder. Fully awake in an instant, Justin leaned over Brian, coaxing him awake with gentle touches.

"Wake up," Justin cooed as he smoothed his fingers through Brian's hair and along his cheeks. He continued to murmur nonsense words of comfort as he attempted to wake his lover up from whatever nightmare had him in its grips.

Suddenly, with a gasp, Brian's eyes flew open. He lay trembling against Justin, trying to orient himself as his hands clenched at the blonde's arms. It was several long minutes before his breathing slowed and he lay still against Justin's side. Even then Justin didn't speak, knowing from experience that Brian would begin talking only when he was ready.

"You're sure it was Michael?" Brian said at last, his voice so quiet that Justin wasn't entirely sure that he'd heard him.

Justin nodded his head silently, his head close enough to Brian's so that the injured man would be able to feel the motion. “You were... you were shouting at me because you had my prom king crown and wanted me to take it back. So I turned around. Tried to convince you to take it with you to Chicago. And then... then I saw him. Peeping up over your shoulder. For a second I thought he'd come with you. That he had picked you up from the airport and driven you to the hotel.... It doesn't make sense, I know. You'd left the 'vette in long term parking. But I wasn't thinking. I was just so happy that you were at my prom.... But then... then Mi--he.... There was a bat in his hand. You must have... must have seen how panicked I was because you moved towards me. Took a few steps.... And then he swung. It was too late. There was nothing I could do.... And then you just laid there on the cold cement...."

A week and a half after the event, the memory of it still shook Justin to his core. Just as he was sure it would for the rest of his life. There was no he would ever be able to erase that image from his mind. For a little while he'd allowed himself to forget that he wasn't really allowed to be happy. That it could be taken away in the blink of an eye.

"It wasn't your fault," Brian whispered, pulling Justin from thoughts that were becoming darker by the moment. He must have made some kind of noise because Brian's hand slid up his arm then to his cheek, cupping it lightly. "It wasn't your fault."

Justin made a snuffling noise, but didn't say anything.

Neither of them said much after that. The pair simply rested on the narrow bed, Brian stretched out on his back, head tilted to his right, and Justin curled up on his side, pressed up against him. Justin traced idle patterns over Brian's cheeks, neck and arms, mapping out invisible tattoos that he knew would never be marked out in ink and had no real sense to them at all. It simply comforted Justin to be able to hold Brian in his arms once again. And to feel Brian's heart beating against his chest when Brian shuffled onto his side so that they were lying face to face.

"This is nice," Brian murmured as he rested his hand against Justin's hip. "Be better if I could see your face, though."

"You will, though. Once you're better," Justin told him, knowing that to be a truth with everything in him.

"Let's hear you say that when the situation's reversed," Brian ground out. The anger faded immediately when Brian let out a jaw-cracking yawn. Finally giving into the exhaustion that Justin had seen creeping up on him for the last little while, Brian's eyes began to flutter shut.

After that, Justin stayed quiet, hoping that Brian would fall asleep. Less than two minutes later Brian's breathing evened out and Justin knew he was asleep again. He hoped that this time it was for the rest of the night and that Brian would sleep without nightmares. Despite his protests to the contrary, Brian really did need to rest. He couldn't simply will himself better like the ad exec seemed convinced was possible.

Justin managed to stay awake until one of the nurses came in to check Brian's IVs. He spoke softly to her, assuring her that he wouldn't disrupt any of them during the night. Justin didn't even remember the conversation ending. One moment he was awake, the next he was waking up with the sun.

And even though he hadn't slept in his own bed, Justin still felt very rested. He had simply passed out and faded away from the world for a few hours. When he tilted his gaze to see Brian's face, Justin realized that the same couldn't be said for his lover. Brian's features were screwed up, his eyes fluttering madly beneath closed lids. Justin had barely lifted a hand to cup Brian's cheek when his eyes snapped open and Justin found himself looking into incredibly wide hazel eyes.

"You okay?" Justin whispered as he continued to stroke his thumb over Brian's cheek.

"Yeah," Brian breathed out, shutting his eyes momentarily before meeting Justin's gaze. "It was just... just a dream."

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?"

Brian simply gave a grunted response and burrowed his face into the curve of Justin's throat. He stayed that way for most of the morning, answering the questions the nurses had for him, but generally fading in and out of consciousness while Justin did his best to find things on daytime television to entertain himself until he had to leave for Sally's. Not that Justin was even sure he was going. He wanted to say with Brian to make sure that he was all right.

At four o'clock Lindsay appeared in the doorway. "Hey, guys. Sally called me to make sure that you get to her house on time. She thought you might listen to me."

"I'm not going," Justin said, coming to his decision in that moment. He wasn't going to leave Brian alone again. Not when he couldn't be sure that Brian would be safe while he was gone.

"You're going," Brian said, speaking for the first time in over two hours. "You're going to your graduation, Sunshine."

"But--"

"Go," Brian insisted. "I'll be fine here and you'll regret it if you don't go to your graduation."

Justin continued to try and protest, but Brian cut him off each and every time, insisting that he go to the ceremony.

"Don't worry, Justin. I'll stay with him," Lindsay volunteered as she came to sit in the chair Justin normally occupied. "He'll be in good hands. And Vic is going to bring Gus by before he goes to the school so he and Brian can have a visit."

"See, I'll be in good hands," Brian tried to assure him.

And even though he still felt uneasy about leaving Brian, Justin relented. "I'll go. But I'm coming back as soon as it's over."

"I'll see you then," Brian murmured, his hand staying on Justin's arm as the blonde slid out of the bed.

Justin brought his free hand up to cup Brian's cheek, stroking his lower lip with the pad of his thumb before he leaned over to brush his lips lightly over Brian's. "I love you."

"Love you too," Brian sighed against his cheek as Justin then kissed the corner of his mouth.

"Make sure he eats his dinner," Justin said to Lindsay as he slowly moved away from the bed, holding onto Brian's hand as long as possible. "Later."

"Later."

Leaving the hospital was even more difficult for Justin than it had been the night before. He knew that Brian was still hurting after finding out about Michael's involvement in the attack, but wasn't going to talk about it. It was Brian's way. And as much as he wanted to be able to force Brian to talk, that wouldn't work either. Brian would stay silent on principle then. 

So all he could do was wait.

Wait for Brian to process it on his own.

"Justin.... Hey, dude. Go make your speech," Billy said, smacking Justin on the arm to get his attention.

Shooting to his feet, Justin nearly toppled forward when he tripped on the end of his robe. Flushing slightly, Justin made his way over to the podium, his eyes darting momentarily into the crowd where he could hear Debbie cheering madly.

"Once again, here is Justin Taylor to give the student commencement speech," the principal announced before stepping aside.

Justin opened his mouth and suddenly realized that he didn't know what he was going to say. So he simply started talking.

"I guess that I’m supposed to make some kind of profound statement now. At least that’s what always happens when you see these things on TV or in movies. The person on stage says something really important then everyone jumps up and throws their hats.... Except I don’t know anything really profound to say," Justin admitted honestly with a slight shrug.

"I never actually thought I’d be up here getting my diploma let alone being the person who’s supposed to justify what a big event today is," Justin smirked, batting the tassel out of his eyes. "And I don’t just mean because of what happened to Brian at prom two weeks ago. I know that there are other people out there who know, just like I do, that life can be a pretty scary thing. That it can hurt you more than you ever thought possible. But if you’re here tonight that means you survived it. You did what you had to to get through hell and you’re still standing. You were brave up and beyond the call of duty and that makes you a hero. Nobody else may be aware of what you went through, but you do and that’s the important part. 

"And even if you don’t think of yourself as a hero, you probably have another hero that you look up to. An athlete, a celebrity, a civil rights activist, your parents... even Smurfette," Justin grinned, glancing over his shoulder momentarily to meet Sally's grinning gaze. "When I was a kid my heroes were my dad and the person who animated The Yellow Submarine.... And now it’s my lover who would be cheering me on in the front row if he wasn’t stuck in a hospital bed not able to see anything. Brian made me be strong when I didn’t think I could be anymore. He made me fight and he fought for me when I thought no one else ever would. And I know he’ll never admit to it, but he’s the reason that I’m still standing today.... “Justin sucked in a deep breath, willing away the tears he could feel forming in the corners of his eyes. After a moment, he continued once again.

"Sorry I, um... I got way off track there. I haven’t been getting much sleep lately and Sally’s had me living off Pixie Stix, pizza and pop so my brain’s on junk food overload. Anyway, the point I was trying to make was that all of us have it in us to do more than we think we can. We are strong and we are resilient and we could take over the world if we wanted to.... But if it’s all the same to you, I’d like to just get my diploma and go see Brian. I’ll leave the world domination to the rest of you."


	7. Raging Sunshine

".... I'll leave the world domination to the rest of you."

There was the beginning of applause that was immediately cut off with a click as Sally presumably hit the stop button on the DVD recorder. 

"You do realize that you said my name like five times in that little speech of yours?" Brian smirked, doing his best to hide how upset he was that he hadn't been able to be there to see Justin graduate. He couldn't even watch the video Sally's father had made of the speech.

"Don't tell me you're surprised," Sally snorted, hopping off the end of the bed. "I'll give you a copy of it once you're out of the hospital so you can see your boyfriend nearly fall flat on his face when he gets up to make his speech."

"Can't you just edit that part out?" Justin groaned as he snuggled still closer to Brian.

"Just because you don't want to see it--"

Brian was cut off as Justin swooped down to cover his lips with his own. He knew that Justin meant to distract him, but it wasn't going to work.

"Make sure you don't edit out that part," Brian gasped as Justin pulled away again, sucking in deep lungfuls of air in an attempt to regain his breath. "I want to see all of it."

Brian listened with only half an ear as Justin continued to argue with Sally. He had forced himself to stay awake so that he could be there when Justin got back from the ceremony. He'd wanted to be there in person to see Justin get his diploma, or to at least _be_ there if nothing else. Brian had tried convincing his doctor that he was well enough to go to Justin's graduation. Dr. Morgan had been set again it, though, claiming that Brian wasn't as recovered as he'd thought himself to be.

And while he normally would have been uncomfortable with the praise he'd received in Justin's speech, he couldn't be because everything Justin had said had been so heartfelt. Justin had simply said what he was feeling at the time and had somehow managed to pull it into a cohesive speech. One that spoke true not only for the moment, but for everything else Justin had been through in the past year. 

"It looks like Brian's about ready to pass out so I'm going to head home," Sally's voiced edged into Brian's consciousness, rousing him from the edge of sleep. "Toodles, Bri."

"G'night, Smurf," Brian yawned as he forced himself to keep from drifting off again.

"I'll call you tomorrow, Sal," Justin murmured, moving about in a way that made Brian assume he was hugging the ex-cheerleader. She mumbled something back and then was gone, closing the door behind her. Once she was gone, Justin stretched out next to him once again. "Alone at last."

Brian snorted, his body relaxing against the blonde's. No matter how good it had been for him to get to spend time with his son, he was glad to have Justin to himself again. Brian had felt awkward around Lindsay as she pampered him for the few hours she'd been his keeper. Fluffing pillows, helping him with his dinner, fetching him endless glasses of water. Brian had been relieved when Vic had come to drop Gus off because then Lindsay's attention had been focused elsewhere and he could simply rest while he listened to Gus prattle on, stringing together a bunch of nonsense words with all of his eight month's of enthusiasm.

"So how does it feel to be a high school graduate?" Brian asked, fighting back another yawn that was attempting to sneak its way past his lips.

"I'm still in shock," Justin sighed before touching his lips to Brian's forehead. "A year ago I never would have thought it possible. I figured I was going to be stuck with Damian until he killed me or I killed myself.... But then you showed up, rescuing me like a knight out of some fairy tale and now not only am I a high school graduate, but I'm going to be an artist."

Brian fumbled about a bit until he found Justin's hand, twining their fingers together. "A fucking fabulous artist."

"And you're not the least bit biased," Justin chuckled as he brought Brian's hand to his lips to brush a kiss against his knuckles.

The door slammed open suddenly, startling Brian who'd been on the verge of sleep. He instinctively squeezed Justin's hand tighter, needing the familiarity since he couldn't tell who the intruder was. Not that he felt much better when he found out who was there.

"Do you have any idea what you've done, Brian?" Joan Kinney demanded, her voice coming from the foot of the bed. "Your sister is a wreck. She's been blubbering since it happened, moaning on and on about how unfair it is. Your nephews are being teased at school. And, to top it all off, I've been embarrassed in front of the entire church. Everyone knows that my son is a... homosexual."

"Hello, mother," Brian grumbled, turning his head in her direction. He kept his voice casual even though he had Justin's hand in a vice grip. "I was wondering when you'd show up. You remember Justin, right? He was at Pop's funeral."

"Now, Brian, it was one thing to create that spectacle at your father's funeral, but to go to that boy's prom--"

"That boy," Brian cut her off, "is sitting right next to me. His name is Justin."

Brian could hear his mother moving around, but didn't know where she was ending up which made him uneasy. At least when she'd been at the foot of the bed he'd been able to focus on her location.

"I don't care what his name is," Joan said dismissively. "The fact of the matter is that he's corrupting you. You were always such a good boy, Brian."

"That is a load of complete and utter bullshit. If I was such a good boy why was Pops always smacking me around?"

There was a sudden flurry of movement beside him which ended with Justin's angry growl of, "Don't you dare lay one hand on him. If you do I'll get the hospital security in here and have them escort you out of the building."

"How dare you, young man," Joan hissed and in his mind Brian could envision her dark glare.

"How dare I? You're the one who was about to hit your son when he's lying in a hospital bed and can't even see to defend himself," Justin hissed, playing his role of defender to the hilt. "You have no reason to be in here and if I see you come anywhere near Brian again I'll make sure you regret it."

Even though he couldn't see it, Brian could easily envision his mother's shocked expression. She wasn't used to having people stand up to her.

"Are you going to let him talk to me like this, Brian?" Joan demanded, her voice shrill and grating on Brian's nerves. "I am your mother."

"What do you expect me to do?" Brian demanded, scurrying his fingers across the mattress until he found Justin's thigh and gripped the material of his pants. "I suggest that you listen to Justin. He's a bit protective right now and will do exactly what he's telling you."

"You are damned to hell, Brian," Joan hissed, her voice as venomous as Brian imaged her expression to be. "Flaunting yourself at that boy's prom the way you did. It is no wonder that good Christian boy tried to end your heathen ways."

Brian smirked, hoping that he did not look as wretchedly exhausted as he felt. "Certainly you've read the papers so you had to know that it was Michael who attacked me. My supposed best friend and fellow heathen."

"I always knew you spent too much time with that boy and his family," his mother clucked. "I'll bet they are the ones who turned you--"

"I'm gay, mother. Live with it," Brian groaned, wanting to curl himself around Justin but was unable to because the blonde was no longer sitting on the bed. "Now can you please go? You've put the fear of God in me and all I really want to do is sleep."

"Is there any problem in here? I heard some raised voices," one of the nurses said, catching Brian off guard with her sudden appearance.

"Do you think you could escort Mrs. Kinney to the elevator?" Justin asked with all the decorum a man raised in country clubs could possess. "She was just getting ready to leave."

"I hope that you learn the error of your ways, Brian," Joan huffed before the clicking of her heels announced that she was stalking out of the room.

Brian listened to the sound for as long as possible, making sure that his mother was really leaving. As soon as he could no longer hear her, Brian slumped against the uncomfortable pillows. A few seconds later he could feel the mattress moving as Justin crawled in with him. As soon as Justin stopped moving, Brian curled his body around the blonde's. He was exhausted and could feel the beginnings of a headache since his mother's arrival and only wanted to sleep it off.

"You okay?" Justin whispered against his forehead, his fingers playing with the longer hair at his temples.

"I'll live," Brian yawned as he draped his arm across Justin's waist. "I'm actually surprised she didn't show up sooner to tell me I was going to hell. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would. I was expecting her to bring a priest with her."

Justin laughed quietly. "I think I saw one hanging out in the hallway."

"Please tell me you're joking," Brian groaned, squeezing his eyes shut tight.

"Wish that I was."

Brian managed a brief grin, but it lasted for only a few seconds before a yawn split his jaw wide open. At that point he knew that he was fighting a losing battle and succumbed to sleep. He only wished that he could sleep uninterrupted through the night. Every few minutes it seemed a nurse came into the room to check something or fiddle with another and they were quite incapable of being quiet when they did so. He envied Justin who was able to sleep through it all, but then Justin had always been a deep sleeper. Brian had even known the blonde to sleep through one of Deb's tirades on occasion.

In between bouts of wakefulness, Brian was plagued by dreams he could not remember. Dreams that left him shaken and sweating and more than a little terrified. And it was harder for him to shake the feeling than it normally would be because he was trapped in darkness. He couldn't even see Justin's face, only feel his breath against his forehead as he continued to sleep undisturbed.

It took a little while, but Brian was able to drift back off to sleep. Only to be woken what felt like seconds later by the return of the nurse. Brian kept his eyes shut, not wanting to endure any enforced banter with the nurse. He simply didn't have the energy for it. He hadn't had a night's unbroken sleep since waking up from the coma and doubted that he would have another until he was allowed to return to the loft.

Brian didn't remember falling asleep, but woke up later to the feel of the sun warming his skin and Justin's fingers lightly stroking his face.

"Morning," Brian mumbled as he blinked his eyes open on the off chance that he could see something. When he saw nothing but black, Brain squeezed them shut again.

"They'll heal," Justin soothed, his hands never faltering as they moved up to caress his hair. "Until then, you don't have to worry about how you look decked out in your hospital gown."

"Do not tell me that," Brian grumbled, turning his face into Justin's shoulder. "And don't think I don't know about the back of my head being shaved yet."

"It's not your whole head," Justin defended. "Only a little bit where the gash is. And considering how quick your hair grows you won't even be able to notice it in a few weeks."

Brian scowled but settled back down against Justin's side. There really wasn't much else he could do except lay around and listen to whatever Justin put on the television or lay around and talk with whoever was visiting him. The key to it all was that he was stuck in the bed. He wanted to sit in the chair that he knew was in the corner of the room, but with all the machines he was attached to it really wasn't worth the hassle.

The thing Brian wanted most was to talk to Michael. He needed to know just what the fuck had happened that night. Why Michael had thought he needed to take a baseball bat to his head. Brian thought that they'd worked it all out. When they'd met for lunch that day just before his birthday, Brian had been sure that they had put everything behind them that had been fucking up their relationship for months.

_"Hey, Mikey," Brian said as Michael came into the diner. It was one of the rare afternoons when Deb wasn't working so he didn't have to worry about her interrupting their meal._

_"We haven't done this in a long time," Michael chirped as he slipped into the other side of the booth. "Just the two of us, no interruptions."_

_Brian rolled his eyes, playing idly with the salt shaker. "We're not some old married couple, Mikey. We're allowed to do things apart from one another."_

_"I was just saying...."_

_"I know what you were saying," Brian murmured as he lifted his head to meet his best friend's eyes. "And I'll admit, we haven't spent as much time together lately as we have in the past... but that's a good thing, Mikey. Pretty soon we're both gonna be thirty, don't you think it's time we grew up?"_

_Michael scowled, but nodded his head just the same. "I know that. It's just.... I always thought we'd grow old together, you know? Then when we'd both retired we'd move down to Palm Springs like we always said we would. Now we're gonna be on other sides of the other goddamned country."_

_"Happy and successful with our chosen partners," Brian smirked. He then turned his whole body so that he was leaning against the wall, facing the waitress who was now standing at the end of their table. "Turkey on whole wheat, no mayo, and bottled water."_

_"I'll have a cheeseburger and fries, side order of pickles and a chocolate shake," Michael ordered quickly before turning back to Brian. "And Justin's a kid, there's no way he can be your partner. He hasn't even graduated high school yet."_

_Squeezing his eyes shut tight, Brian counted backwards from ten twice, hoping that it would calm him down. "Michael.... Why do you insist on doing this? Can't you just get it through your thick skull that I love him? Yeah, he's a kid, but he's been through a shitload of stuff and is a hell of a lot older than any kid should ever be. Now can we please drop it? I'm going to New York with Justin and you're going to Portland with Dr. Dave."_

_"Am I not allowed to be worried about you?" Michael demanded._

_"Michael, why--"_

_"Because he's a little kid who's going to take advantage of you," Michael insisted, a petulant frown appearing on his face._

_Brian slammed his hand down on the table, making sure he had the other man's full attention. "Listen to me, Michael. And listen well because this is the last time I'm going to explain this to you. I love Justin. The two of us are moving to New York. We are the couple. Me and Justin. Do you understand, Mikey? Because I really hate having things like this between us. I want us to part on good terms when we both move."_

_"Can't you at least try to see things my way?"_

_"Michael. I mean it. Don't you trust me at all? Don't you think I know a little bit about people in my line of work? I'm the one who sells the bullshit to the unsuspecting populace," Brian reminded him, grinning at the shorter man._

_"Just promise me that you'll call and warn me about any of that bullshit," Michael grinned, leaning deeper against the booth._

After that initial outburst, the two of them had been able to talk rationally about their respective partners and their upcoming moves. Things had even seemed to be okay between them. They’d had their lunch and had even made plans to meet up later that night for a drink a Woody's. Brian never would have suspected that Michael meant him any ill will. Sally keeping her hair colour the same two dye jobs in a row would have been more likely.

"I hear you had your graduation last night, Justin," Dr. Morgan said as he entered the hospital room.

Justin perked up, shifting into a more upright position. "They even trusted me to make the commencement speech."

"That's a daunting task. I had to give mine in high school too. I was so nervous I nearly threw up," the doctor chuckled. "Now I'm sorry to do this, but I'm afraid I need to commandeer Brian for a little while?"

Brian tensed up at that, but did his best not to show it. "What for this time?"

"We just want to check out your eyes again. Make sure they're not being damaged by the injury to your brain," Dr. Morgan explained, his voice moving closer as he stepped further into the room on silent shoes. "It would be best to find any complications early so that we can remedy them before they become permanent."

"I want to walk there," Brian insisted, turning his head in the direction he had last heard the doctor's voice.

"Brian," Justin scolded, whacking him lightly on the arm. "Didn't we have a talk about you trying to push yourself?"

"And when you've spent nearly a week stuck in a bed we'll talk," Brian ground out, his temper flaring suddenly. "I feel fine so I don't see why I shouldn't be allowed to walk to wherever I'm being taken to."

"Because you haven't been walking around for almost two weeks now, Brian," Dr. Morgan stated calmly, probably well used to dealing with unruly patients. "Your legs aren't used to walking at the moment and you'll probably be tired before we get to the next room. So you'll be in a wheelchair. Understood?"

"Fine," Brian grumped. "I get it. I'm stuck in the damn wheel chair."

"Glad to hear it. I'll be back in a minute."

Brian slumped back against the pillows, a sigh escaping his lips when Justin's fingers moved to brush his hair from his face.


	8. Raging Sunshine

"Where is this field trip taking us?" Brian smirked as Justin pushed him down the hallway in a wheelchair.

"That's a surprise," Justin informed his lover, refusing to give away anything at the moment.

For the past week and a half, Brian had been trapped indoors, mostly in the confines of his room. Now that he was finally removed from all the tubes and wires, Justin wanted to take him outside to the little garden on the hospital grounds. He'd okayed everything with Dr. Morgan and had helped Brian change into a pair of sweats and a white wifebeater. Justin had also brought a pair of Brian's sneakers which meant that Brian was fully dressed for the first time since the night of the accident.

As they entered the elevator, Brian shifted irritably in his seat. "This had better be worthwhile, Sunshine."

Brian was doing his utmost to sound bored and put out, but Justin knew that he was uneasy about not knowing exactly where they were going. Brian still wasn't able to see anything and the lack of improvement was making him incredibly irritable. That was one of the main reasons Justin had talked Dr. Morgan into letting him take Brian out on the grounds rather than simply wandering through the seemingly endless corridors in the hospital.

Out in the garden it would also be easier for Brian to walk around, not having to worry about crashing into the various medical equipment that littered the sides of the hallways. Since he had been released from the machines monitoring him, Justin had walked in to find Brian pacing back and forth over the small confines of the room. In those instances it would take every ounce of will power Justin possessed to stay where he was and not offer Brian any help unless it became quite obvious that he needed some.

"You'd better not be taking me to the cafeteria," Brian grumbled as the elevator started to go down.

Justin rolled his eyes, chuckling quietly under his breath. "No, we're not going to the cafeteria. Give me a little more credit than that."

Brian gave a mumbled response that Justin couldn't quite make out, but he sounded amused so Justin didn't feel the need to worry. After all, Brian had to know that he would never place him in any kind of danger. At least he hoped that Brian knew that. Justin wasn't like Michael. He wouldn't put Brian at risk no matter what. That was the one thing Justin refused to do.

The elevator doors dinged open and Justin immediately began to push the wheelchair into the corridor. A few minutes of navigating his way through the twisting hallway, Justin came to the sliding glass doors that led out to the garden.

"We're here," Justin cheered in a singsong voice as he wheeled the chair down the ramp.

At that precise moment there was a gust of wind which ruffled Brian's hair. "I do declare, Sunshine, I believe we are outside," Brian drawled with a fake Southern accent.

"Good guess," the blonde grinned as he guided the wheelchair more towards the center of the garden, making sure to keep Brian in the sun. "I figured you could do with a tan. You're getting a bit pasty."

Brian turned his head and scowled up at him. "Smart aleck. Now help me get my shirt off. I refuse to have any tan lines."

"I can do that," Justin grinned as he moved around to stand in front of Brian. 

He crouched down and slid his fingers under the hem of Brian's wifebeater and slowly began to slide it upwards. Justin did his best not to react when he realized that he could feel Brian's ribs. Brian had always been skinny and had lost at least ten pounds after having spent two and a half weeks stuck in a hospital bed. Justin had tried to get him to eat more, but being the finicky eater that he was, Brian always fought him every step of the way.

"You need to eat more," Justin said quietly as he carefully eased the shirt up over Brian's head. "You're skin and bones. How 'bout I order us a pizza for dinner. I'll even make it a roasted chicken and red pepper one."

"Justin...." Brian groaned, scrunching his features up and pinching the bridge of his nose.

Taking hold of Brian's hands, Justin placed them again Brian's torso just over his ribs so that Brian could feel just how much weight he had lost. "See. That's too thin even for you. So you're going to eat some pizza and put on some weight so that way you'll be nice and healthy when you're released."

This time Brian's sigh was more than a little forlorn. "Please, they're never letting me out of here. They're going to keep me trapped in here and do insane experiments on me."

"Oh please," Justin smirked, rolling his eyes. "The reason you're still here is so that your doctor can make sure that the clot is healing like it's supposed to and once your vision starts to clear up you'll get to go home. Dr. Morgan has told you this millions of times. I know that because I've been there each and every time."

Brian began to scowl in his direction when suddenly his features changed to that of surprise. His eyebrows shot up and he leaned forward a bit, his right hand lifting from the armrest of the wheelchair and moving ever so slowly towards Justin's face.

"Brian? What are you--"

Justin's voice cut off as Brian's slender fingers slid lightly across his cheek. He stared at Brian in awe, searching out some sign of recognition the hazel eyes across from him.

"I can... I can almost see your outline," Brian murmured, tilting his head slightly to the side as though attempting to get a better look. "The sun's behind you and you're this dark shape right in front of me."

Wanting to test this apparent development, Justin silently raised his left hand and moved it back and forth. Almost instantly, Brian's right hand shot out and grabbed hold of Justin's wrist, still the motion.

"I saw that," Brian said in awe, his attention moving to the hand that he now held gripped within his own. "I saw your hand move...."

Grinning from ear to ear, Justin lifted his free hand to cup Brian's cheek. Very slowly, he started to move his head forward and silently cheered as Brian copied the motion and their lips met in a very tender kiss that ended far too soon. As he slumped back in his chair, Brian pulled his lips inward, the tip of his tongue poking out.

"I still can't see your face, though," Brian sighed after a few moments. "You're just a dark blur right now and I'm not sure I'll even be able to see you when there isn't a light behind you."

"Hey! Knock it off! I don't want to hear any of that pessimist shit you're so fond of," Justin chastised him, barely resisting the urge to smack him on the arm. "This is a good thing. It means that the blood clot is starting to get smaller and that you're vision will come back."

The exasperated glare that he received from Brian brought the smile back to Justin's face for the sheer fact that the glare was directed right at him rather than simply in his general direction. Knowing that Brian was able to see him in a general outline, Justin straightened and placing his fists on his hips and cocked his head down at Brian, daring the older man to challenge him.

"Don't even start with me, Sunshine," Brian grumbled, a smile playing on his lips nonetheless.

"Then just be happy. Please?" Justin pouted as he leaned forward, hands on the armrests of the wheelchair so that he was able to touch his forehead to Brian's. "You're getting better and that's what's important."

There was no stopping the yelp that escaped Justin's lips as Brian latched onto his hips, pulling him forward. Justin stumbled a bit, but at Brian's command to sit, carefully placed himself on his lover's lap. He was very aware of his every movement as he got himself situated, not wanting to hurt Brian, and pressed his forehead against Brian's throat and allowed his entire body to relax.

Neither of them said anything for the longest time as they sat outside enjoying the warm afternoon sun. Justin would have been content to stay out there until the sun started to go down, just as he was certain Brian would, unfortunately that wasn't an option. Brian had an appointment with his physical therapist to help him regain some of his lost muscle mass and they also needed to inform Dr. Morgan of the improvement in Brian's vision which would undoubtedly lead to further tests.

So once Brian had been commandeered by his doctor, Justin left the hospital to run a few hurried errands. He wanted to celebrate. This was a victory, an achievement, whether Brian wanted to admit to it or not and Brian had drilled it into his brain that achievements were what you celebrated so Justin was going to throw a small party for the two of them.

There was an ulterior motive as well. Even since he had found out that it was Michael who had attacked him, Justin knew that it had been on Brian's mind more than it was not. And while he respected Brian's need to come to grips with his best friend's attempt on his life, he wanted to distract him for at least one night. In the end they would find out why Michael had tried to kill Brian, but for the moment there was really nothing Brian could do about it and Justin didn't want him driving himself to distraction with thoughts of it.

Justin was practically bouncing up and down as he left the hospital only to see Lindsay making her way across the parking lot with Gus balanced on her hip. He sprinted towards the pair, scooping Gus out of Lindsay's arms and planting a big kiss on the little boy's cheek.

"Something good happened, I take it," Lindsay chuckled as she watched Justin start to spin around as he made his way back the sidewalk. "Did Brian make an improvement?"

"His sight's starting to come back," Justin grinned, never taking his eyes from Gus' smiling face. "Brian can see light and dark now. He saw me when we were out in the garden. The sun was behind me and he could see where I was. He could see me."

Justin could feel himself on the verge of tears and burrowed his face into the crook of Gus' neck to keep them at bay. He hadn't realized just how relieved he was that Brian's vision was starting to come back until he was able to share it with someone else who loved Brian. Telling Dr. Morgan had been a necessity so that the doctor could prescribe what came next for Brian's treatment.

"That's wonderful!" Lindsay cheered, embracing Justin in a sideways hug. "Brian must be thrilled!"

Justin merely arched an eyebrow, unable to contain a smirk.

"Right," Lindsay amended with a nod. "Let me guess, he's already predicting the worse. His vision won't come back. Or maybe he's imagining that he's horribly disfigured and we're simply not telling him."

"Don't even think about telling him that," Justin winced. "He's bad enough without thinking anything like that."

"So why are you leaving? Shouldn't you be celebrating with Brian?" Lindsay asked as she took Gus from Justin.

Justin felt his cheeks heating up at the mention of his soon-to-be romantic notion. "He's in physical therapy right now so I'm going to pick up a few things so we can celebrate."

"Oh, that's so sweet," Lindsay cooed, tightening her hold on Gus who was wiggling for all he was worth. "I'll hold off telling the others until six so that you and Brian can have a few hours on your own. Give you time to celebrate."

Grateful for the reprieve he and Brian would have from Debbie's loud enthusiasm, Justin hurried off to pick up the things he'd need for his and Brian's dinner. He'd already talked to Brian's nurse who knew not to bring Brian the hospital requisite meal which Brian usually only picked at. Knowing that it would be pointless to get something that would be difficult to eat as it would only frustrate Brain, Justin stopped by Brian's favourite sushi place to get his usual order. His own dinner was a 20 piece order of McNuggets, fries and a chocolate shake which he got at the very last moment so that it wouldn't be cold when he got back to the hospital.

Before doing any of that, Justin went back to the loft to shower and change his clothes. He knew that Brian really wouldn't be able to see him, Justin nonetheless put on his best jeans and the tight white t-shirt that Brian like him in. When his hair was properly mussed and his clothes were properly arranged, Justin headed out to pick up the food and go back to the hospital.

When he arrived in Brian's room, his lover seated propped up against the pillows, listening to the evening news. He was still wearing a pair of sweat pants and a wifebeater, but Justin had a feeling they were new ones because they weren't covered in sweat.

"I come bearing food!" Justin said as he entered the room, brandishing the two take-out bags.

Brian took a sniff then immediately shook his head. "I know I took a blow to the head, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna eat McDonalds anytime soon," Brian informed the teen.

"You ate it when we saw Hedwig," Justin reminded him, grinning as he set the food down on the movable tray and began unpacking their dinners. "Besides, the McDonalds is for me. You get sushi."

"Finally," Brian sighed, dropping his head back against the pillows. "It's about time I get some decent food."

Justin made quick work of setting up their dinners on the tray. He got everything ready with Brian's sushi, putting on the pickled ginger and dousing it with soya sauce so that all Brian had to do was pop the pieces into his mouth.

"I can see that face you're making," Brian called over to him, smirk evident in his voice.

"What face?" Justin asked, glancing over his shoulder at his lover.

Brian chuckled quietly, shaking his head. "The face you're making at my sushi. One day I will get you to eat some and enjoy the hell out of it when you end up liking it."

"I'll eat one of those sushi things if you'll eat two of my McNuggets," Justin challenged as he carefully wheeled the tray over to the bed.

"Wait, wait, wait. I eat two and you eat one? How the fuck is that fair?" Brian demanded as he sat up straighter, pulling himself back so that he was sitting cross-legged giving Justin room to sit at the foot of the bed. "I should only have to eat one if you're only eating one."

"But there's more density to a thing of sushi than there is a McNugget," Justin rationalized, climbing up onto the bed. "So in the end it evens out."

Justin was sure that Brian was going to turn him down. Brian hated McNuggets and would never willingly eat one. Not even to get Justin to eat the sushi. It definitely hadn't been enough a few months ago when Brian had been trying to get him to try escargot.

"Fine," Brian said a minute later, cautiously placing his hands on the edge of the small table. "But they'd better be small nuggets and a big roll of sushi."

Protesting was pointless seeing as how it had been his idea to begin with so when the time came for Justin to sample one of the sushi rolls, he sucked it up like a man. And plugged his nose.

"So how was it, Sunshine?" Brian asked while Justin was still in the process of chewing.

"It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," Justin admitted after he'd swallowed. "It was almost good."

"High praise indeed," Brian laughed before popping the first of his two chicken nuggets into his mouth.

"Brat," Justin grumbled before taking a deep swig of his chocolate shake.

Brian's laughter only increased. "That's supposed to be my line."

Justin could only roll his eyes and went back to his meal. They had barely finished their food when Debbie burst into the room all tears and excited shouts.

"My baby's getting better!" Debbie moaned as she pulled Brian into a bone-jarring hug. "Let me see. Let me see." She had Brian's face in her hands a moment later and was peering into his eyes.

"Deb, dat 'urts," Brian grumbled as he attempted to pull Debbie's hands from his cheeks.

"Sorry, baby," she apologized, taking a step back and folding her hands across her stomach. "But Lindsay told me the good news and I needed to come here and see for myself."

While Debbie, Vic, Lindsay and Emmett commandeered Brian's attention, Justin cleaned up the remnants of their meal. Even after he just stood back and watched, enjoying watching as Brian lapped up the attention. The older man was practically preening while all the while putting up the front that he was put out by it all.

It was more than an hour before the others left, each of them promising to return the next day. When they were gone, Brian seemed to collapse a bit, exhausted. Justin had noticed for the past half hour that Brian's energy seemed to be flagging, but didn't want to say anything because he knew that it would only make Brian all the more stubborn. So he'd kept quiet and now Brian seemed on the verge of drifting off.

"Get over here," Brian yawned once they were alone, reaching towards Justin. "My head is killing me and I need some attention."

"Need some attention?" Justin repeated as he glided towards the bed. "From the looks of things you've had more than enough attention since Debbie and the rest burst in here."

"I need some attention from you." Brian was silent for a moment then said more softly. "And turn off the overhead lights. But leave the side table light on and try to...."

Brian didn't say anything more after that, but Justin got the idea. He walked over to the door and flicked off the lights then set about angling the shade on the lamp so that the light was directed towards the pillows. He checked it repeatedly to make sure that the lamp shade wouldn't move before climbing in beside Brian.

"That what you had in mind?" Justin whispered as he got himself situated on his side so that he and Brian were lying face to face.

Very tentatively, Brian's hand reached out to cup Justin's cheek. He kept it there for a few endless seconds before he began tracing out Justin's features from memory. Neither one of them said anything for the longest time, their fingers moving over areas of exposed skin, touching and caressing. They both knew that nothing would come of it, not in a hospital with its own window into the hallway beyond, but it didn't matter right then. Justin could almost forget that they were in a hospital so long as he kept his eyes on Brian's face and didn't look at the drab exterior beyond.

"It only gets better from here, right?" Brian murmured as his eyes began to drift shut.

"I promise," Justin said quietly, leaning forward to touch his forehead to Brian's. "Things will only get better from here."


	9. Raging Sunshine

"Now I'm going to take you on your word, Brian," Chase Morgan said as he continued to fill out the form that was attached the clipboard in his hands. "I am going to give this release form to the front desk only when I have your word that you will continue to take it easy when you go home. That means no going back to work, no trips to the gym and letting Justin help you when you need it. Agreed?"

Brian glared at the hazy image that was his doctor and carefully pushed himself off the bed so that he was standing at his full height. He was still a little uneasy on his feet as his vision hadn't returned completely yet. It had gotten a lot better, though. At first he had only been able to tell the difference between light and dark and that had slowly began to incorporate shades of colour and then a few days ago he had been able to see Justin's face. He'd slowly blinked his eyes open when he woken up that morning and began scanning the room for Justin. The blonde seemed to get odd pleasure in being in a new place every morning and making Brian find him.

That morning Brian had nearly jumped out of his skin when he found Justin sitting right next to him. And for the first time since he'd woken up more than three weeks before, he'd been able to see Justin's face.

_"Hey there, gorgeous," Brian yawned as he continued to blink owlishly in Justin's direction. "You need a hair cut."_

_"I do not need a-- Hey!" Justin leaned in close, peering into Brian's eyes. "You can see me?"_

_"Looks like it," he confirmed, unable to keep the smile from his lips._

_Justin made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob as he threw himself at Brian. His hands came up to hold Brian's cheeks as he peppered the brunette's face with kisses._

Brian had let Justin have his emotional outburst knowing that there was a lot the younger man had been keeping bottled up inside over the past weeks. It wasn't healthy for Justin to be keeping so much inside. Justin had kept his own emotions locked away, instead allowing Brian to rant and rave at whim. Once they were back at the loft, Brian hoped that Justin would feel safer and allow himself to react to what had happened a month ago because as far as he knew, Justin hadn't done that yet. He'd been too busy playing the part of the protector. And while Brian had sorely needed it at the time, he was on the mend now. Dr. Morgan had estimated that in two weeks his vision would have repaired itself as best as it could now that the blood clot was nearly gone. So in that time he would either be seeing perfectly once again or he would be making an appointment for laser eye surgery to repair what hadn't healed because Brian refused to wear glasses.

Before he left, Dr. Morgan handed the clipboard over to Brian, telling him that all it needed was a signature and he was released. The man knew as well as Brian did that his vision wasn't improved enough to see where he was supposed to sign, let alone the thin line where his signature was expected to be placed. He also knew that Brian wanted to be as in control as possible. That made it easier for Brian to hand the clipboard over to Justin, knowing that the blonde would place his own signature in the requisite spot.

"Looks like we're finally going home," Justin murmured as he scribbled his signature on the paper. "Back to the loft and your own bed."

Brian took a cautious step towards Justin-- his vision was still very bad where distances were concerned --and settled his arms on the smaller man's shoulders. "Our bed. Where I can fuck you into the mattress and not have to worry about some skittish nurse wandering in and interrupting us."

"Someone sounds sure of himself," Justin grinned, the sight even more wonderful for Brian who had feared for a time that he would never see it again. Or any other expression on Justin's face. "How about first we deal with getting you home. We'll see if you're still up to fucking me into the mattress when we get there."

Despite the great fuss he put up, Brian was still forced to ride in a wheelchair until they got the front doors of the hospital. Justin left him momentarily then to get the Jeep. He would have rather left the hospital in his Corvette, but Justin didn't feel comfortable driving it, preferring the more rugged jeep. All the same he let out a relieved sigh as he sunk into the familiar leather seat, a smile curving the corners of his lips.

"Get me the fuck away from this place," Brian said as he slipped on his sunglasses which he'd left in the glove compartment the last time he'd been in the vehicle more than a month before.

Justin did as ordered and soon they were speeding through the city towards the loft on Tremont. For the most part Brian kept his eyes closed. The speed combined with his still blurred vision only made him nauseous if he kept his eyes open too long.

"I talked to Vic this morning and I think he'd managed to talk Deb and the others into waiting a day before swarming on the loft," Justin said sometime into their trip. "We both figured that you would rather get used to being home again without being smothered to death."

Brian grunted, not having the energy to actually form words. Justin had removed the hard top from the jeep and the wind was rushing through his hair and against his skin. It felt wonderful having been warmed by the sun, but still cool enough so that he didn't feel hot. Brian would have loved to stay outside all day. He was sick to death of being cooped up indoors but knew that it would still be a little while before he was allowed to wander the city on his own.

Returning to the loft was almost anti-climatic. Brian hadn't been sure what he was expecting when Justin yanked open the heavy metal door, but it was just like any other day when he'd come home after work. If anything, the ride home in the bright summer sun had left him with a dull headache so he went straight to the bedroom, crawling into his own bed for the first time in a month. He groaned softly when Justin crawled in next to him, throwing an arm across the blonde's shoulders and drawing him closer.

"We have room to stretch out," Brian moaned in contentment, stretching out his toes which were unfortunately still encased in a pair of sneakers.

Brian was horrified at the whimper that escaped his lips when Justin pulled away. He remained stretched out, a smile forming on his lips as his lover began to tug off his sneakers. Once his feet were bare, Brian allowed himself to be rolled onto his back so that Justin could unbutton his jeans the lifted his hips just enough so that they could be stripped off. When he was finally naked a few minutes later, Brian stretched luxuriously on the plush duvet while Justin stripped out of his own clothes.

"This is what I missed," Justin sighed as he spread himself out overtop of Brian.

With a little bit of shifting, Brian spread his legs enough so that Justin's hips rested between them and their height difference allowed the young artist to rest his head on Brian's shoulder. As soon as they were settled in the center of the bed, a puff of air escaped Brian's lips in the form of a sigh.

"Home again. It's about fucking time," Brian grumbled, gathering Justin up in his arms. His body was demanding sleep and Brian gave into those demands, knowing that it would be foolish to resist.

It was dark when he finally awoke, the loft thrown into deep shadows. Justin was no longer in bed, but Brian could hear him puttering around in the kitchen. It was a familiar sound, one that Brian had missed over the past few weeks. Not having the energy to find a pair of jeans, Brian trudged out of the bedroom still naked, finding his way to the counter with his eyes closed rather than having to endure the blurred vision that was the remainder of his injury.

"Hey," Justin greeted as Brian's hand latched onto the back of one of the stools at the counter. He slid into it before opening his eyes and was immediately met by Justin's grinning face. "I didn't expect you to be up for at least another hour. You hungry?"

Brian spent the entire night either on the chaise or in bed, the sound of soft music filling the loft. It was relaxing and that was what Brian had wanted most of all. The noises from the hospital were gone and in place of the whispering of the machines were their own whispers.

"Are you sure you're up for this?" Justin murmured, his breath ghosting over Brian's fluttering stomach.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer," Brian smirked as he carded his fingers through the blonde's rumpled hair. He nonetheless arched his hips upwards, seeking friction against erection.

With only the blue lights illuminating their forms, Brian could barely make out Justin's wide grin as he pressed a soft, lingering kiss just above his navel. And even though he could not see Justin clearly, there was no mistaking the otherworldly beauty of his form as he fluidly trailed his lips down along Brian's right hip and down to his inner thighs. Brian spread his legs wantonly, giving Justin room to maneuver as his lips and tongue played over the sensitive skin.

"I missed this," Justin whispered against the curve of his hip. "Missed the smell of you... the feel of you...."

Brian's response was cut off as Justin ran a fingertip over the head of his cock. He groaned, arching his hips and Justin finally seemed to take pity on him, touching his lips to the underside of his cock then laving a trail from root to tip before closing his lips around the head. Justin sucked leisurely, his tongue toying with the slit that bisected the tip while Brian continued to tug lightly on Justin's hair.

Taking the hint, Justin began to crawl up Brian's body. He framed the younger man's face between his palms, holding him still as he struggled to calm his breathing. Every nerve in his body felt as though it were on edge, his skin tingling. Over the past four weeks Brian had only been able to talk Justin into the odd handjob under cover of blankets. This was much better. He could feel Justin's entire body pressed against his, no material separating them.

"God, I love you," Brian moaned a few minutes later as Justin carefully lowered himself onto Brian's latex-covered cock. 

He wanted to panic. He felt his heartbeat speed up with something that had absolutely nothing to do with the current activity he was engaged in. Brian shoved it aside, refusing to think about anything other than Justin. So Brian arched himself up, labouriously heaving himself into an upright position so that he was able to wind his arms around Justin's shoulders, holding him close. Even though he had slept for more than three hours that afternoon, Brian could still feel exhaustion creeping up on him as he and Justin rocked together. With their faces so close together, Brian could clearly see Justin's features which were made all the more ethereal by the blue sheen that tinted his skin.

"You're beautiful," Brian whispered against Justin's forehead. "So beautiful."

Justin's smile was dazzling. "I'm glad you think that. That you can see me and that you still think that."

For the time, Brian remained silent. He didn't have the energy to carry on a conversation while at the same time pistioning his hips up to meet Justin's downward thrusts. He held on tightly, his fingers spanning the damp flesh of Justin's upper back. It was the only thing keeping him upright at the time. After a few more minutes Brian had to concede to his body's demands for rest and he lowered himself back into the mattress and let Justin take over control of their lovemaking, his hands resting on the blonde's hips too allow himself some contact.

Still weaker than he would have willingly admitted to, Brian could feel his climax sneaking up on him quicker than he wanted. He tried to hold it off as long as possible, but his body began to spasm as he shot his load into the condom. A few tugs on his own cock and Justin came as well. Justin hovered above him for a few endless seconds, a hazy image, but still a wonderful sight.

"Get down here," Brian mumbled, reaching for Justin as the younger man returned to his side after cleaning up and disposing of the condom. He was on the verge of sleep and was blinking rapidly to keep from falling asleep before got back into bed. He sighed with relief when the small lithe body slid in next to him, nestling up against his side. Once he was sure that Justin had settled into one spot, he turned his head so that he could see the younger man's eyes. "Why wouldn't I still think you're beautiful? You're not the one with a huge scar on the back of your head."

"You don't have a huge scar," Justin assured him, his hand automatically moving to cup the back of Brian's head. His fingertips brushed lightly over the raised ridge of flesh that marked the place where the bat had connected with his skull.

"That doesn't answer my questions," Brian prompted, doing his best to swallow a yawn.

Justin started to pull away, but Brian wouldn't let him. He held the younger man tight to him, allowing Justin to look away only not to pull away. Finally, Justin seemed to come to terms with the fact Brian wasn't going to let go and instead pressed his face against Brian's shoulder.

"I'm just waiting for you to realize that this was all my fault and kick me out," Justin mumbled into Brian's shoulders. "He hasn't said it, but I know Michael attacked you because of me. Because you came home for my prom and not to see him before he moved. You didn't see the way he was looking at me at his and Dave's farewell party. He hates me. I thought that... I thought it had gotten better since the fall when he... when it happened, but I know he still doesn't want me around. He's a lot more quiet about it, but it's still true...."

Brian held Justin even tighter at that, wrapping himself around the smaller man. "Nothing that happened is your fault. It's all on Mikey. He made his own decisions that had nothing whatsoever to do with you."

"How can you say that?" Justin demanded as he moved his head back to meet Brian's eyes. "It had everything to do with me. Michael couldn't stand the fact that I'm still around and--"

"Michael couldn't stand the fact that he wasn't the one to domesticate me," Brian corrected him, cutting off Justin's rant before it could really begin.

"You're far from domesticated," Justin grumbled, dipping his head back down.

Brian put his hand under Justin's chin, tilting his face back up. "Trust me, Justin, I'm far more domesticated than I ever thought I would be. I mean, I... I...."

_“I haven’t had any tricks. Not a one. And not from lack of trying on their parts.”_

_Justin's eyebrows lifted slightly as his lips formed a half smirk. “You haven’t had any sex in the past five days?”_

_“I wouldn’t say that. I have been jacking off each night when we talked on the phone and again in the morning when I didn’t have you to take care of my early morning hard-ons. That’s why I’ve decided that you have to come with me next time I go on a business trip.”_

_“Do you really mean that?” Justin whispered, coming to a complete stop in the middle of the corridor. “You’re really going to....”_

Brian shook his head slightly, pushing the images away. It had all just come pouring into his head all at once, rushing in and shoving everything else aside. Brian was left panting, squeezing his eye shut to block out any other images that wanted to sneak through. It was several minutes before Brian was able to blink his eyes open without any fear of what he would see. The first thing that he did see was Justin.

"Brian?" Justin asked, peering up into his face. "Bri, are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm... I'm fine," he mumbled, still attempting to shake the thoughts away. "I just.... I said that I wanted to try the whole monogamy thing. At least I think I did. I'm not sure, I...."

Justin was silent for a moment, pursing his lips. "You did. Kinda. You didn't exactly say the words, but you hinted at it."

_"I'm going to try."_

"I said that I'd try," Brian whispered, shocked to hear himself saying those words, both in his head and out loud.

"Yeah, you did," Justin said quietly, unable to meet Brian's eyes. "But I don't expect you to hold to it. Things were different when you said that. Things were normal then. Besides, what you felt then and what you feel now are two completely different things."

"Do I get a say in this?"

Justin seemed startled by that, practically jumping out of Brian's arms. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"

"Breathe, Justin," Brian said sternly, moving his head down to touch his forehead to Justin's. "It's all right, Sunshine. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you."

Justin still seemed far too tense. His entire body was rigid and he seemed ready to bolt at any moment. The blonde was practically trembling and for the life of him Brian didn't know how to make it stop. He was completely out of his depths in this situation. All he could do was hold onto Justin as he began to sob, clutching at Brian as he burrowed his face against his chest. He'd known that Justin needed to finally react to everything that had happened, but he hadn't thought of what that would actually be like. 

And even though it freaked him out, Brian was still glad that it was happening.

"Fuck I'm sorry," Justin groaned once he'd exhausted his tears.

Brian shook his head, smoothing away the tears with the pads of his thumbs. "Nothing to be sorry about, Sunshine. You needed that."

"I shouldn't, though," Justin insisted, shaking his head. "You're the one who got hurt. I need to be the strong one. Like you were for me back when... in the fall. You helped me then and I want to help you now. It's the best I could do since I couldn't stop it. I tried. I tried to stop him, but I was too far away and I couldn't get there in time...."

Justin dissolved into tears once again, this time crying himself to sleep. Brian continued to hold tight to him through it all. Justin needed the release. He needed to get himself sorted out and calm or else he would never be able to make it through Damian Walker's trial which was set to begin in a month and a half. Brian knew that he would be fully recovered by then, at least physically, and he would help Justin as much as he was able. Even if he hadn't been, Brian would have done everything he could to help Justin cope with having to relive everything that had happened to him at the hands of the sadistic doctor.

Not long after Justin fell into an exhausted sleep, Brian felt himself beginning to drift off as well. He was amazed that he'd been able to stay awake as long as he had. As much as he hated to admit it, he was still weak. And even though Dr. Morgan hadn't said it, Brian was pretty sure that he wasn't allowed to be having sex yet. Not that it would have stopped him. Brian needed that connection.

And when he started to wake up, it was to the familiar sound of a pencil scratching on paper.

"You're not supposed to be awake yet," Brian grumbled, knowing better than to move until Justin gave him permission to.

"I haven't been up for long," Justin assured him, the sound of him sketching not stopping. "But I wanted to have this. The first night you're back home."

"You're very sentimental," Brian chuckled, letting his eyes fall shut again.

Justin snorted, the sound dissolving into a giggle. "I think that's already been long established. Now hold still. I'm almost done. Promise."

"I'm in no hurry," Brian yawned, preparing to fall back asleep again to the comforting sound of Justin sketching.


	10. Raging Sunshine

"Remember, Brian, he said that you're not allowed to squint for the rest of the day," Justin said as he noticed Brian leaning forward to make out a street sign just after they'd left the clinic. "The top layer of your eyes will heal all scrunched up and your vision will be even worse than it was before."

Brian glared at him as best he could without squinting his eyes. "Yes, Doogie Howser. Now hit the gas; the light's green."

"Asshole," Justin grumbled under his breath, unable to keep a grin from curving the corners of his lips.

In that moment things were so close to being normal again that Justin could barely keep from bouncing around in his seat. Brian's vision was now back to what it had been before the attack, his hair had grown in where it had been shaved for surgery and he had been doing work from home for the past week and was going in to the office the following day.

"Remind me why we're going to the diner when we have perfectly good food waiting for us at home?" Brian grumbled as they pulled into a free spot on the sidewalk near the Liberty Diner.

"Because Debbie hasn't seen you in a few days and has been nagging me to bring you to the diner," Justin informed him as he shut off the jeep. "Now quit stalling. The sooner we get this done the sooner we can go home and celebrate properly."

Smiling tenderly, Brian leaned forward and brushed his lips against Justin's. "Celebrating is good."

As he exited the Jeep, Justin hurried across to catch up to Brian who was waiting for him on the sidewalk. He immediately found himself with Brian's arm wrapped around his waist and pressed against the taller man's side. And for the first time in weeks he didn't feel like he was going to lose Brian if he let him out of his sight. Michael was still locked up and couldn't hurt Brian. Damian was still in jail too. He might not be for long, though. The trial was starting in a few weeks and the jury could decide to let the insane doctor go. According to Pittsburgh's high society Dr. Damian Walker was a respected member of the community. There had been an outrage when his secret life had been revealed nine months before, none of his friends or colleagues wanting to believe that he'd held a teenage boy captive in his condo for half a year.

"Hey. You all right?" Brian murmured as he pulled Justin to a stop, stepping in front of him and lifting his hands to cup the younger man's cheeks. "You're trembling."

Sucking in a deep breath, Justin nodded his head. "I'm fine. Perfectly all right. Everything is back to the way it should be so why would I be anything but all right?"

"I don't know, you tell me," Brian said quietly as he began to stroke Justin's cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

"I got a little freaked out, but I'm all right now," Justin whispered, taking several deep breaths in hopes of stopping the tremors that still shook his body. "I just.... It's going to be happening again soon. I'm going to have to dredge it all up and start thinking about it again.... I really don't want to ever think about it again."

Brian seemed to know exactly what he was talking about and pulled him into a tight embrace. Justin burrowed his face against the side of Brian's throat, deeply inhaling the scent of Brian's cologne. He stood there for several long minutes, desperately trying to calm his suddenly frazzled nerves. Justin had been fine earlier. He'd been excited about Brian's quick eye procedure that would give him back his vision, moreso that his lover himself. He'd wanted so desperately for everything to go back to normal, forgetting that his life wasn't quite at that point yet. First there was everything with Damian and that trial and then Michael.... They would finally find out just why Michael had tried to kill Brian.

"I'm all right now," Justin mumbled as he pulled away from the comfort of Brian's arms. He immediately noticed the crowd that had gathered around them and felt his cheeks flushing. "Sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it, Sunshine," Brian said quietly as he slid an arm around Justin's waist to guide him towards the diner.

"I just want it all to be over," Justin sighed, leaning into Brian's side. "It's just been one thing after another for what seems like forever. Sometimes I feel like I can't even breathe...."

To that Brian had nothing to say. Justin was disgusted with himself for sounding like such a weak little pussy. After everything that had happened to him he should have been used to things being a bit tough. He should have been stronger and not prone to breaking down at the drop of a hat. Brian was coping so much better than he was and Brian was the one who had been hurt. He hadn't been able to see for a month and he wasn't the fall down mess that Justin was.

"My boys!" Debbie cried as soon as they entered the diner. Dumping the tray on the nearest table, not even hearing the outraged shout from the men sitting at that table, she rushed at them, pulling the two of them into a bone crushing hug. She was blubbering nonsense words as she alternated between pressing lipstick smearing kisses to both their cheeks.

"Jesus, Deb, calm down," Brian grumbled as he extracted himself from her hold.

Releasing Justin, Debbie immediately grabbed hold of Brian's face, holding his cheeks between her palms. "Don't you tell me to calm down, you little asshole. I am so fucking proud of you right now," Debbie said before smacking a kiss right in the center of his forehead. She then immediately turned her attention to Justin. "You too, Sunshine. No one else could have handled a crippled lion the way you did."

Justin couldn't help but laugh as he found his cheek once again covered with Debbie's red lipstick. He was immediately snatched away by Brian who wound his arms around his middle and pulled him back against his chest. 

"Stop molesting the boy and get us our food."

Debbie placed her fists on her hips, glaring at the two of them. "You haven't even ordered yet."

"Like that ever matters," Brian snorted, leading Justin towards their usual booth.

Debbie spoiled them the entire time they were at the diner, practically feeding Brian his food by hand. The only reason Brian was enduring it was because both men knew she felt guilty about what Michael had done. She was the one who told her son that Brian had come back to share one dance with Justin at his prom when he hadn't made the same effort to attend his best friend's going away party. She'd done so only because it was the most romantic thing she'd ever heard of Brian doing, not knowing what would happen next.

After lunch at the diner, the pair went to visit Gus who Brian hadn't seen much over the past few weeks. Brian would have spent more time with his son except that since Gus had become so active with his crawling that Brian was left with headaches from all the infant's frantic movements. IT had been better the past week, but now that the laser surgery had corrected his vision Brian would be better able to enjoy the time he spent with his son.

At that very moment Brian was seated on the floor with Gus, helping his ten month old son build a block tower that was extremely wobbly and prone to falling over. Every time the tower would topple, Gus would let out an excited shriek and start pounding a few of the blocks on the ground.

"Dadda!" Gus cheered as he purposely knocked the blocks over. "Dadda! Dadda!"

Justin turned away from his conversation with Lindsay, his face split in a huge grin. That smile, though, was nothing compared to Brian's. Scooping his son up in his arms, Brian held Gus up over his head much to the delight of the little boy.

"Come on, Sonnyboy, say it again," Brian enthused as he settled Gus down on his drawn up knees. "Say 'Dadda.'"

Bored with the whole thing now, Gus wiggled his way back to the floor and crawled over to where his toys were scattered.

Sliding off the couch, Justin scooted over to where Brian sat and pulled him into a backwards hug. "Congratulations, Dadda."

Brian leaned back against his chest, turning his head just enough so that Justin could see the grin tugging at the corners of his lips. "Now we just have to figure out what he's gonna call you. Papa? Pops?"

Justin immediately shook his head. "Not happening. Papa is what I called my grandfather and Pops just sounds old. How about we wait for him to figure out Momma before we start worrying about it?"

Lindsay had missed the exchange, instead focused on bestowing praise on her son for saying his first word. She was bouncing around the living room with Gus, saying "Dadda" in hopes of getting him to make a repeat. Gus was merely giggling away, amused by his mother's antics but having no intention of speaking again until he was ready much like Justin assumed his father would have done when he was a child.

They stayed until Gus went down for his afternoon nap, Brian buoyed by the fact that Dadda had been his son's first word. Justin had learned over the course of the past ten months that Brian had never truly intended to be a father to Gus, but there was no denying that that was exactly what he was. Perhaps not a full-time dad, but he made sure to see his son at least once a week.

On the way home, Brian sat quietly in the passenger seat, staring at the passing scenery. The only reason Justin wasn't worrying was because of the slight smile that Brian seemed unable to get rid of. He was glad to see Brian happy. Brian deserved to be happy after everything he had been through lately.

"How do you feel about going away for the weekend?" Brian asked as he entered the loft ahead of Justin. Pausing near the edge of the kitchen counter, he turned around so that he was facing the blonde. "Just get the hell out of Pittsburgh for a few days."

"And just where would we go?"

Brian frowned slightly, scrubbing his fingers through his hair. "I don't know.... Harrisburg. We can go to Harrisburg. Find some cozy little B&B and just forget that the rest of the world exists until Sunday night."

Crossing over to where his lover was standing, Justin slipped his arms around Brian's waist as he pressed himself up against the older man. "That sounds perfect," Justin sighed as he dropped his head against Brian's chest. "Do you think we can get away with never coming back?"

"Sorry, Sunshine, but we're gonna hafta come home eventually," Brian chuckled, nuzzling the side of Justin's head.

"I don't wanna come home," Justin mumbled, squeezing Brian even tighter as he felt a sudden surge of fear go through him. "At least not until after Wednesday."

"Wednesday...? Wednesday," Brian echoed, hugging Justin tight against him. "Do you want me to go with you?"

Justin shook his head as he pulled himself away from Brian to go shut and lock the door. "No. I should go by myself. I have to get used to it because I can't have you up there holding my hand when I'm on the stand. I can't be a little pussy when I'm up there. I won't be."

"You're not a pussy," Brian called from the kitchen. "You're the strongest man I know. You'll get through this because you have to and then after that you never have to think about it ever again. You can finally put it behind you once and for all."

"God I hope so," Justin moaned, touching his forehead to the hard metal door. He took several deep breaths then spun himself around so that he was once again facing Brian. "So, how about I go pack while you call and make us reservations?"

Not giving him a chance to respond, Justin all but ran towards the bedroom, making sure to avoid Brian. He felt like a huge raw nerve and needed a few minutes to get himself back under control. Justin wished that he was better able to control his emotions or at the very least keep them in check. After nearly a year of living with Brian he would have hoped to have at least learned something about separating himself from his emotions. It wasn't that he wanted to stop feeling, only that he wanted to feel less.

Justin was in the process of carefully packing placing one of Brian's black wife beaters in the suitcase when a pair of arms wound themselves around his middle and he was pulled into a backwards hug. He startled at first, but relaxed as soon as he was able to convince his pounding heart that it was only Brian.

"You almost finished?" Brian murmured in his ear. "Because I've done my part which means that we're only waiting for you."

"Is here even a point in me asking where we're going?" Justin smirked, twisting his head around so that he could see Brian's face.

Brian pressed his lips to Justin's temple in a lingering open-mouthed kiss. "It won't do you a lick of good, Sunshine. So just finish packing and we'll go."

"You kinda need to let go of me for that to happen," Justin giggled, placing his hands overtop of Brian's and leaning into his chest.

"I bet I don't," Brian challenged as he nudged Justin towards the clothes that were spread out on the bed.

Justin merely rolled his eyes as he continued to pack with a six foot two parasite attached to his back. It didn't help much when Brian slipped his fingers under the hem of Justin's t-shirt and began to caress his stomach. He did his best to keep from reacting, but couldn't stifle a giggle when Brian began to toy with Justin's navel, skirting his middle finger around the edge then dipping it in.

"If you keep this up I'm never going to finish packing," Justin laughed, trying to squirm away from his lover.

"Then maybe we just shouldn't bring any clothes," Brian suggested, his breath warm against Justin's throat. "It's not like we'll need them anyway."

"But what if I want you to take me out for a really romantic dinner?"

Brian mumbled something, but didn't pull away. While Brian was very open about the fact that they were in a relationship, being so visibly romantic was something else entirely. Eating out usually just involved going to the diner or picking up some take-out on the way home. The only few times they had been out to a more high end restaurant it had been under the guise of a celebration. 

"We still need to properly celebrate your recovery," Justin added as he leaned back into Brian's chest. "Go eat a fabulous meal, dance until we can barely stand up then spend the rest of the night... doing a dance of a different sort."

"You mean fucking," Brian deadpanned, earning him an elbow in the gut from Justin.

"No, not fucking," Justin corrected him, rolling his eyes. "We'll be too tired for fucking. And, besides, fucking is too loud when we do it and we'd end up waking everyone in the place up. I'd rather not be kicked out in the middle of the night."

"Fine, no fucking," Brian sighed dramatically.

Ten minutes later the pair were loading up the jeep, ready for their weekend get away. They had decided against calling anyone to let them know where they were going, but stopped off at the diner on their way out of town and left a note for Debbie telling her what was going on. After ordering a pair of coffees to go and half a dozen lemon squares, Brian and Justin were on their way out of Pittsburgh, heading towards Harrisburg.

Both of them left their cell phones in the jeep when they reached the Bed & Breakfast they were staying at so that they wouldn't be interrupted by their nosy family members once it was discovered that they'd gone out of town. This was going to be the last time Brian and Justin had to relax for the next little while. Damian Walker's trial started in two weeks and Justin was far from prepared for it. He would have preferred to be able to stay out of the spotlight and not even pay any attention to the trial until it was over. That wasn't an option, though. The district attorney had made it incredibly clear that in order for Damian to be found guilty, or for there to even be a trial, Justin needed to testify.

There was only one bright point in that frightening week in the beginning of November. That was when Brian had first said that he loved him. And as terrified as Justin had been of that concept at first, he was now glad for it. Justin was convinced that having Brian love him was the only reason he was still standing.... Of course, it was also the reason Brian had almost died.

"So does this meet your approval?" Brian asked as he closed the door to their room.

Turning his head from the window, Justin flashed him a brilliant smile. "It's gorgeous, Bri. Perfect for the weekend."

"Glad to hear it," the older man smirked, crossing the room until he was close enough to draw Justin into his arms. "Now, I believe you said there was going to be dinner, dancing and fucking involved in this weekend."

"Fucking was your word," Justin countered, unable to keep the grin from his face.

As it turned out, fucking was far from what occurred in that room in the wee hours of the morning. It was slow, sensuous and lasted until the sun began to peek over the horizon. Every part of Justin's body felt blissfully numb. He curled up against Brian when they finally tumbled into bed, winding himself around his lover.

"Have we sufficiently celebrated?" Brian yawned against the top of his head.

Chuckling quietly, Justin pressed a kiss to Brian's chest. "For now. I plan on celebrating for the rest of the weekend." 

"Can we sleep for a while first?" Brian mumbled, already half asleep. "You wore me out, Sunshine."

"Can I get that in writing?" Justin giggled, lifting his head up and grinning down at his lover.

Brian smacked his ass, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Twat. Go to sleep."

Justin folded his hands on Brian's chest, resting his chin on top of them. For several minutes he looked up at Brian's face, relieved to see those hazel eyes locked on his own. "I'm glad you're better, Brian."

"Of course I'm better?" Brian murmured, his eyes drifting shut. "Why wouldn't I be better?"

Justin pursed his lips, not wanting to give voice to the thoughts that had been swirling through his head in the month and a half since the prom. Worries that he hadn't been able to purge from his mind no matter how hard he tried.

Carding his fingers through Justin's hair, Brian cupped the back of his head in order to draw the teen's face up towards his so that their foreheads were touching. "Everything's gonna be okay, Sunshine. Just give it a little time."


	11. Raging Sunshine

"You don't have to do this, you know," Justin said as Brian pulled into the visitor parking lot at the courthouse. "You're just getting back to work so you should be there instead of worrying about me. I'll be fine."

"I know what I'm doing, Sunshine," Brian assured him, shutting off the Corvette's engine. "Now, come on, you're going to be late."

Justin stayed right where he was, staring out the windshield and making no move to unfasten his seatbelt. 

"This is a good thing, Justin," Brian murmured as he slid a hand around the back of Justin's neck, squeezing slightly. "The worst than it can get is going to be today. Deidre is going to ask you the toughest questions the defense attorney will probably be able to come up with so you'll be prepared. You'll know what the worst is so there won't be any surprises."

Justin nodded his head slowly. "I know that it's just.... I'm freaking out for no reason."

"No, you're freaking out for a good reason. If you were calm I'd be worried," Brian said, rubbing the base of his skull. "What happened to you was horrible and very soon it's going to be over. You just have to tough it out for a few more weeks."

It took a few more minutes, but Brian was able to get Justin into the courthouse and up to the district attorney’s office. He would have rather stayed with his lover, but there was nothing he could do. He wouldn't be allowed to stay with Justin on the stand so it was better Justin get used to doing it on his own. Brian would be there when it was over.

And in the meantime he had other business to take care of on the other side of the building.

"I'd like to see Michael Novotny," Brian said to the officer sitting behind the reception desk.

A few minutes later, Brian was seated at a table in a stark room with a large two way mirror on one wall. There was a loop of metal and a padlock on the opposite side of the table and that more than anything made the situation more surreal. In a little while Michael was going to be locked to the table by that loop of metal.

When he heard a key fumbling in the lock in the door directly across from him, Brian tensed. He was suddenly feeling very uneasy about the prospect of once again being face to face with the man he had thought to be best friend. He tensed even more when the door opened and Michael was actually standing there. 

"Brian!" Michael cried, a huge smile appearing on his face and he started to move forward.

Brian was instantly on his feet, backing away. "Can you lock him up, please," Brian said tensely, taking another step back and crossing his arms over his chest.

Michael's expression crumpled and while normally Brian would have relented this time he looked away. He couldn't trust himself around Michael, not after what he'd done. Brian still wasn't entirely convinced that Michael hadn't been trying to hurt Justin. He didn't want to believe that Michael was capable of something like that, but after what had happened he knew that it was very possible.

"I'll be just outside this door. Knock when you're finished," the police officer said once he had finished locking Michael's handcuffs to the table.

Brian nodded, murmuring his thanks. He remained on the far side of the room, watching the guard's retreat. Brian pursed his lips, willing away the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. This was something that needed to be done. He was going to force answers from Michael if he had to because Brian needed to know why the man he'd thought was his best friend had tried to kill him.

"I was beginning to think that you were never going to come see me," Michael said in an almost child-like way.

Snorting quietly, Brian pushed himself away from the wall. "It's not like I could have come sooner. Visiting isn't very easy when you can't see anything."

"Now you're being dramatic."

"You do remember that you hit me over the head with a baseball bat?" Brian asked, eyeing the other man warily. "Put me in a coma?"

"I didn't mean to," Michael said quietly, turning his gaze to the table.

Brian lowered himself into the vacant chair, staring at Michael. "If you weren't trying to kill me just what were you trying to do?"

It was terrifying to watch Michael's face transform in the next few seconds. His eyebrows drew in towards each other, lines creasing his forehead as a result. He pursed his lips and his nostrils began to flare as he sucked in deep draughts of air. IT almost didn't look like the same man he had known for the past sixteen years of his life.

"Michael...?"

"He's a slut, Brian," Michael hissed, his eyes narrowing. "He throws himself at anyone who'll pay attention to him. Damian, Kip, the guys in the backroom. He's a fucking whore and he gets everything I've ever wanted."

"You're fucked up, Michael," Brian said with absolutely no malice in his voice. Something had happened to Michael and none of them had noticed. "Something is wrong with you because you're not seeing things straight. Justin isn't like that."

Michael's laughter was low and dangerous. "That's what he wants you to think. So you'll give him presents and pay for his education. He pretends to be a poor tortured teenager, but I know the truth. He's only out for your money and your cock."

"And he has both of them whenever he wants," Brian confirmed. "My money because he's never asked for it and fights me every step of the way and my cock because he's beautiful and sexy and I love him."

"No," Michael said emphatically, shaking his head as he spoke. "No. You only love him because he makes you think that you do. He's been nothing but trouble since you dragged him out of the backroom."

Brian shoved himself from the chair in order to refrain from reaching across the table and doing something he would later regret. "I love Justin for who he is and how he makes me feel about myself. I don’t care if you understand it or not, just accept it."

"It should have been me!" Michael shouted at him, remaining seated since he could not go anywhere. "I've been there since we were fourteen. If you were going to fall in love with anyone it was supposed to be me."

"Because you put more time in?" Brian asked incredulously.

Michael said nothing but his silence spoke volumes. Brian slumped against the well opposite the table, desperate to wrap his mind around the fact that something he had always laughing brushed off could possibly be the reason he'd almost died. He clung tight to the knowledge that Michael didn't seem to have meant to hurt Justin, taking comfort from that.

"It didn't have to happen," Michael said ominously. "But you put him before me. You came home for his stupid prom but you didn't even care that I was moving to the other side of the country."

"You're a grown man! And for everything that's happened to him, Justin is still a kid and besides that he was only going to have one prom. He deserved to have that good memory," Brian insisted as he attempted to fight the headache he could feel forming at the base of his skull. He'd had far too many headaches since Michael had taken the bat to his head and he didn't want to suffer through another.

"I'll bet that he doesn't have any good memories now," Michael taunted, leaning back in his chair, smug as could be.

Brian sucked in a deep breath, willing himself to remain calm. "I want to know why you did it, Michael. I want to know why you tried to kill me."

"I didn't try to kill you," Michael insisted again, the smug look disappearing. "I just wanted things to go back to normal. Before _he_ showed up. I wanted you to forget about him just like in issue 216 of Captain Astro."

Brian had absolutely no idea what had happened in issue 216 of Captain Astro. It must have been impressive, though, if it had warranted a bat to the head.

"That's the one where Captain Astro fell in love with the evil Veruca Sultana and she made him part of her harem. He forgot all about Toby Harper even when he broke into Veruca's palace and tried to rescue Captain Astro. Then Captain Astro tried to fight Toby because he thought that Toby was one of the bad guys, but Toby wouldn't fight him. Captain Astro charged at him and when Toby moved out of the way Captain Astro tripped and hit his head on a marble column. He got his memory back then. He remembered Toby and they defeated Veruca and everything went back to normal."

As Michael had rushed through his explanation Brian could only stare at him in shock. He had nearly died because Michael had tried to bash away his memories of Justin. Justin had been put through hell because Michael couldn't tell reality from a comic book.

Brian was barely able to keep his knees from giving out when he realized just how insane the whole situation had become. He desperately wanted to believe that Michael had come up with that story to play the insanity card when it came time for the trial. For it to be anything else would have meant that Michael had really tried to kill him.

"There is something seriously wrong with you, Michael," Brian said at last. "We're not comic book characters and Justin didn't brainwash me. I love him. It's as simple as that."

Michael shook his head furiously, pounding his fists down on the table. "That's a lie. Justin has done something to you. I know it. If you'd just let me fix it, I can make everything go back to normal...."

Brian stalked over to the door and began pounding on it with the side of his fist. "I'm done in here, let me out." He continued pounding on it until one of the officers opened it. As soon as the door was opened, Brian stalked out, not listening to any of Michael's shouts. He didn't look back. He couldn't. The man back there wasn't his best friend because Michael never would have done that to him.

Brian didn't stop when he left the interrogation room, but continued on to the opposite side of the building where Justin was hopefully still in his meeting with the Deidre Collins. Unable to stand still, Brian didn't wait for the elevator but instead took the stairs and practically ran up all four flights. He would have kept going, but he wasn't sure how long he'd been in there with Michael and he didn't want Justin to worry. The meeting would be hard enough on Justin without him going missing when he was finished.

Unfortunately, he had been too late. When he emerged on the fourth floor, Justin was leaning against the wall across from the District Attorney's office, bouncing and chewing nervously on his thumbnail. As soon as he heard the stairwell door open, Justin turned to him and seconds later Brian found himself with his arms full of his trembling lover. Brian held onto him tightly, murmuring nonsense against his temple as he tried to calm him down.

"I thought you'd left...." Justin moaned as he attempted to press himself still closer to Brian. "I came out and you weren't here."

"I'm sorry," Brian whispered, kissing Justin’s forehead. "I didn't think I'd be gone so long."

Justin let out a shaky breath as he carefully extracted himself from Brian's arms. "It's okay. I shouldn't be freaking out like that anyway. It's not like he was there or anything. Like it was real."

"But it will be in about a week," Brian said as he pulled Justin back into his arms.

"Can we not talk about that now?" Justin mumbled against Brian's shoulder as he wound his arms around the taller man's waist. "I just want to go home and pretend that none of this really happened."

Brian nodded his head. "Whatever you want, Sunshine." That was the reason he'd taken the entire day off. Brian had known that his meeting with Deidre would throw Justin off balance and had planned on spending the day helping him calm down. He had already informed Ryder that he would be working from home during the course of the trial. Justin was going to be completely strung out during it when he would be face to face with Dr. Damian Walker for the first time since November. But Justin was strong. Panicked as Justin would be at the time, in the end he would be the stronger for confronting the man who had caused him so much pain.

Despite protesting that he was all right, Justin remained glued to Brian's side as they made their way through the building. Brian had his own meeting with Deidre later in the week. He already knew that his main problem would be keeping his temper in check. Brian had seen first hand what the despicable doctor had done to Justin. He had been there, helping Justin as he struggled to resurrect his life.

"Do you want to go to the diner for some lunch?" Brian asked as they pulled out of the parking garage. "Let Deb know that we're still alive?"

Justin laughed quietly and nodded his head. "Let's go see Debbie."

The closer they got to the diner, the more Justin seemed to relax. He was still tense, but not as tense as he had been before. Brian had no intention of forcing Justin to talk about what had happened in the lawyer's office. When the artist was ready he would talk and not before. In the meantime he would let Justin be coddled by the closet thing either of them had to a mother. Deb would force feed him half the Liberty Diner menu and have Justin laughing and forgetting about why he had been upset in the first place.

True to form, within minutes of their arrival at the diner Deb had food in front of them and had plopped herself down next to Justin in the booth.

"So who is going to tell me why mister work-a-holic is here in the middle of the day?" Deb asked, looking pointedly at Brian even though the question was likely directed solely at Justin since both knew the ad exec wouldn't answer it.

"I had a meeting with the District Attorney," Justin said quietly, distractedly plunking a french fry into a puddle of ketchup.

That immediately sent Deb into over-protective mother mode. She began fussing over Justin, taking his cheeks between her palms and forcing his face towards her. She didn't say anything at first, giving him instead a very thorough once over to assure herself that he was physically all right.

"You should have come here for breakfast," she concluded, smacking a kiss on his cheek then wiping away the residue lipstick. "A good breakfast would have helped settle you."

Brian knew that was far from the truth, but he didn't contradict her. If anything, seeing Emmett, Ted, the munchers and Deb would have made him all the more uneasy. It had been all Brian could do to coax the blonde out of bed that morning. Justin had been incredibly uneasy so Brian had suggested McDonalds for breakfast and had been treated to the only real smile Justin had given all day.

"We were running late and got McDonalds on the way," Justin lied as he once again went back to playing with his fries.

"So you were down at the courthouse then?" Deb asked quietly, pursing her lips, and Brian instantly tensed. "I was going to go there today after my shift and see Michael."

The words had barely left her mouth before Justin's eyes were locked on him. "Michael's being held at the police headquarters?"

Brian silently cursed Deb for not keeping her mouth shut. He'd hoped that Justin wouldn't realize that Michael was still in lock-up at the police headquarters which was attached to the courthouse and continue to assume that Brian had simply been wandering the halls of the building.

Deb nodded her head in confirmation to Justin's question. "For now. There's no room for him at the jail right now so they're keeping him at the police headquarters until there is."

Justin didn't push things any further then. He went back to his meal, finishing his cheeseburger if not his fries, and let Deb pamper him. He didn't say anything in the Corvette on the way back to the loft either. Brian knew that Justin was fully aware that he had been to see Michael and was probably only figuring out how he was going to confront him about it. And even though he wanted to make it easier for Justin, Brian couldn't make himself start the conversation.

The two men went about their own business for the rest of the day. Justin went off with Sally to see a movie and Brian began mapping out a new account that Ryder have given him the file on the day before. They met briefly over dinner, but then Brian went back to work and Justin flopped down on the couch with Brian's old copy of The Persian Boy.

Dusk had fallen when Brian finally decided to stop pretending that there wasn't a giant pink elephant sitting in the center of the loft. Shutting down the computer, he made his way over to the couch, smiling genuinely when he saw how engrossed Justin was in the book.

"I think I definitely would have enjoyed living back then. Men naked and oiled up, butt fucking practically a way of life...." Brian mused, hoping to gain Justin's attention.

Sure enough Justin's eyes darted up to meet his. "You'd make a good Alexander the Great. But who would I be? The loyal lover and general or the Persian eunuch?"

"I think we both know the answer to that," Brian said as he snatched the book out of Justin's lax grip. Holding his free hand out towards Justin, he pulled the blonde to his feet, using just enough force so that Justin's momentum carried him forward enough to fall gently against Brian's chest. Brian lowered his head enough so that his forehead touched Justin's, smiling softly at him. "You'd be my best friend. The one that I'd trust with my life. The one who I'd lose my mind over if I lost you."

Justin lightly smacked Brian's stomach. "I'm not at that part yet."

The two men remained standing pressed tightly together in front of the couch, neither one saying anything. Sighing, Justin burrowed his head under Brian's chin, attempting to hide even as he tightened his grip on Brian's waist.

"Why didn't you tell me you were going to see Michael?" Justin asked after a time.

Brian frowned, nuzzling against the top of Justin's head. "I didn't want you to stop me. I didn't want to want you to stop me.... So I went to see him so that I could find out why he took a bat to my head."

"Did he tell you?" Justin's voice was very quiet and Brian had to strain to hear him.

Brian was quiet for a moment, not sure if he should tell Justin about what Michael had given as his reason for hitting him over the head with the bat. Brian knew that he would eventually tell Justin the truth, but not at the moment. It would be bad for Justin to find out that Michael justified what he had done by believing that he would rid them of Justin. Knowing that would only make Justin feel guilty about something that really wasn't his fault. It was Michael's fault. He had done everything of his own free will and had nothing to do with Justin.

"Nothing that made any sense."


	12. Raging Sunshine

Ever since Brian had been to see Michael, the older man had been incredibly subdued. He wanted to believe that everything would be okay now that Brian had been able to confront Michael. It was foolish, but with everything else going on Justin really wanted to believe that things would be okay. Justin really wanted everything to be normal again. He missed normal.

"Hey, Sal, what are you doing this afternoon?" Justin asked as he slid into the seat across from her in one of the booths at the diner.

Swallowing a mouthful of pop, Sally shrugged her shoulders. "Nothing that I can think of. Why?"

"I want to go to the jail to see Michael."

Sally's eyes got huge and she spit up the pop she had just swallowed. "What the hell! Why the fuck do you wanna go see that asshole? He nearly killed Brian."

"Brian went to see Michael last week and he's been in a funk ever since," Justin sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. "I want to know what Michael said to him."

Frowning, Sally leaned back in her seat, idly fingering her French fries. "I'm not sure about this, Jus. Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"No, I'm not," he admitted, snatching a fry from her plate. He didn't eat it, but held it poised between his two fingers. "I have to do it, though. Things are going to be insane enough next week when the trial starts so I want this finished. I don't want Michael to keep affecting our lives."

Sally was quiet for a minute then slowly nodded her head. "All right. I'll go with you."

Justin smiled gratefully, popping the French fry into his mouth. "Thanks, Sal."

Not in a rush to confront Michael, Justin ordered a cheeseburger and fries. He only picked at the food, not even finishing the cheeseburger, but it gave him time to work himself up to facing Michael. It would have been easier to pretend that nothing had happened that morning when Justin had his meeting with the district attorney. If he could have convinced himself that everything was all right. Just knew that it wasn't, though. He knew that whatever Michael had said to Brian had been enough to linger long after the conversation had ended.

Leaving the jeep parked on Liberty Avenue, Justin allowed Sally to drive them downtown. Justin was glad that she had volunteered to drive them because he couldn't be sure what frame of mind he would be in after meeting with Michael.

"You know that you don't have to do this, right?" Sally asked as she pulled her beat up old car into the parking lot. "No one expects you to confront Michael. Or make any sense of what happened that night. What he did was just insane. He tried to kill his best friend. We would never do that... no matter how many times you've threatened to kill me."

"Thank you for doing this, Sally," Justin said again, holding her gaze so that she could hopefully see that he meant every word of it. "I wouldn't have had the guts to do this without you."

Sally merely rolled her eyes at that. "You would have done it, Justin. It might have taken you a little while to get down here, but you would have made yourself face Michael."

Frown still etched firmly on his face, Justin led the way into the police headquarters. He began to feel sick to his stomach almost as soon as he stepped into the building. He was tempted to simply run away and put off facing Michael yet again. Pursing his lips and willing away that nauseous feeling, Justin strode towards the main desk and asked if he could see the man who had nearly killed his lover.

"Are you really sure you want to do this?" Sally asked yet again as Justin stood nervously in front of the door leading into the interrogation room.

He hesitated for a moment, but nodded his head. "Yeah. I have to do this, Sal. It'll just keep haunting me if I don't."

"I'll be right out here if you need me."

Justin's fingers lingered on the doorknob for several long seconds before he opened it.

In a way he was almost glad that Michael was already inside. It meant that he didn't have to wait and stress himself out even more. At the same time he couldn't stop the sudden tremor that shook its way up his spine at the sight of the older man.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Justin pursed his lips, his fear turning suddenly into anger. He glared down at the seated man, his hands tightening into fists. "I want to know what the fuck you said to Brian."

Michael leaned back in his chair, a smug smile on his face even though he had to position his body oddly to accommodate the handcuffs fastening his wrists to the table. "I knew that he wouldn't tell you. He knows that I was telling the truth so he didn't tell you."

"Didn't tell me what?" Justin demanded, fidgeting where he stood. He could have sat in the seat across the table from Michael, but he didn't want to get that close to the other man. Justin really didn't want anything to do with Michael, but for Brian he had to.

"Brian knows the truth about you now," Michael giggled manically. "He knows that you've poisoned his mind against me and the rest of his family. And that I've cured him. He's just waiting to tell you about it because he feels sorry for you. He pities you. You're nothing but a pathetic twat and I finally made Brian realize that."

In his head, Justin knew that everything Michael was spouting were lies. Nothing he was saying was true. Justin _knew_ that. There was no doubt in his mind about it. Hearing the words coming from Michael, though, sent him for a loop. It was hard for him to maintain his indifference when Michael looked so convinced about what he was saying.

"Brian loves me," Justin murmured, forcing himself to meet Michael's gaze. "I gave him an out. I told him that he could take it back if he wanted to, but he didn't. Brian chose me, Michael. Me."

"That's a lie," Michael hissed, slamming his fists down on the table. "A lie! Brian wants me! He's just playing with you! He wants to hurt you for keeping us apart!"

Justin merely smirked at the older man. "Except that I'm not. I'm exactly where Brian wants me to be. With him. I'm there every night when he goes to bed and every morning when he wakes up. I'm there on weekends. I'm there when he visits his son. I'm there whenever he needs me because he wants me to be there."

"You're lying!" Michael screamed. The older man started yelling and thrashing about, knocking his chair over as he shot to his feet. "Brian loves me! I know it! He loves me!"

Justin plastered himself against the wall, suddenly terrified of Michael. It was the first time that he had ever really been scared of Michael. For a long time he had only just felt sorry for the delusional man. He had hated Michael when the comic book connoisseur had let Damian take him and then again when Michael had tried to kill Brian. 

Someone burst through the door on Justin's side of the room and the blonde immediately slipped past the guard and out into the main part of the police station. Almost immediately Justin caught sight of Brian and ran into his arms. Justin could feel himself trembling and felt weak because of it. Brian had faced Michael and had been fine.

"Why am I such a fucking mess?" Justin moaned into Brian's shoulder.

"You're not a fucking mess," Brian whispered, pressing a kiss to the shell of his ear. "You're far from a fucking mess."

Brian led him out of the police station then. Justin was dimly aware of Brian saying something to Sally and gave her a distracted thank you for coming with him. He knew that Sally understood and that he would thank her better later, but at the moment Justin couldn't muster anything better.

"You want to tell me why you went to go see Michael?" Brian asked once they'd entered the loft.

Sighing, Justin snaked his fingers into his hair, making a tight fist. "I'm not even really sure anymore. I just.... I needed to see him. He almost killed you and...."

"And I'm fine," Brian finished for him.

It was far from the truth, but Justin appreciated the gesture. The real truth was that Brian still had very bad headaches and that his vision got blurry when he was tired. That wasn't including the nightmares that often drove Brian from bed rather than confronting them. Justin had tried so many times to get Brian to talk about his nightmares, but the older man never would. He would turn towards one of the massive windows, effectively shutting Justin out.

"You're not... you're not with me because you pity me, are you?" Justin stammered, his eyes looking everywhere but at Brian.

Brian didn't answer right away and when Justin finally did risk looking at him, he honestly couldn't interpret the expression on Brian's face.

"I don't want to be pitied, Brian," Justin told him, forcing himself to hold Brian's gaze. "I won't be. Yeah, some shitty things happened to be, but once this trial is over I won't have to think of it ever again."

"Justin, I don't pity you," Brian stated emphatically when Justin made a move towards the door. "Hell, pity is pretty much the last thing on my mind when it comes to you. You're too strong for anyone to pity you."

Justin snorted in disbelief at that, scrubbing his hands over his face. "Somehow I don't think either of us believes that after my little display at the police station. I'm a mess."

Brian reached forward and drew Justin into his arms. "I'm hardly a poster boy for a neat and tidy psyche, Sunshine. If you do anything, it's impress the hell out of me."

Justin remained in Brian's arms for the simple fact that it was easier than fighting him. No matter how much he denied it, Justin knew that on some level Brian pitied him. It would have been impossible for him not to despite Brian's claim that pity made his dick soft. The fact of the matter was that pity was a natural human reaction. That first night nearly a year before Brian had felt pity for him and Justin didn't blame him. He had been a sad, pathetic mess and it was a miracle that Brian had wanted anything to do with him.

"I may hate what is happening to you, Justin, but I won't pity you," Brian said after a time. "Not when you've done so much for yourself in the past year."

Justin leaned further into Brian, taking all the comfort the older man was offering. He didn't want to admit to it, but his meeting with Michael had really thrown him. He hadn't been entirely certain what he'd expected to happen in that interrogation room, but he should have expected some kind of outburst from Michael.

"He gave me some comic book song and dance," Brian admitted at last. "He claimed that he hit me over the head because that was how Captain Astro had been saved from some mind controlling villain. He's convinced that he's the hero now. That he saved me from you."

"I was never a threat to him," Justin sighed. "I wouldn't have put you in that position."

Brian pressed a kiss to his temple. "I know that. So does everyone else."

Intellectually Justin believed Brian's statement. Mostly be believed it because he wanted to, needed to even. Most of the time Justin still felt as though he was a guest in the overall family dynamic. His showing up had ultimately thrown everything out of order. Justin had learned early on that Brian was the center of their little family and Justin had thrown Brian's entire persona into question. He was making Brian doing things that he wouldn't have a year ago and while most days Justin had no problem with that, there were many times that he felt guilty about it. Justin had never wanted to upset Brian's life. He had only ever wanted a place where he could stay and regroup for a little while and now more than ten months had passed. Justin didn't think that he could leave even if he wanted to. He was Gus' other dad now. Even if he was willing to hurt Brian, he wouldn't hurt Gus. If he was being truly honest he couldn't hurt either of them. Brian and Gus were his family and had been since that very first night.

The pair eventually ended up on the couch and Brian even consented to watching The Yellow Submarine for what was probably the hundredth time. And as comforting as the movie was for Justin, what he enjoyed the most was lying reclined against Brian's chest. They were stretched out lengthwise with Justin resting comfortably between Brian's legs. For much of the movie, Justin played absently with Brian's hands which were resting on his stomach. He toyed with the older man's fingers, tracing their contours and drawing idle patterns on his palm. About halfway through he realized that Brian had dozed off. He tilted his head back so that he could see Brian's face which was half pressed into the back of the couch. His mouth was partially open and Justin could more distinctly hear the wheeze that was an ever-present part of Brian's breathing. Justin ingrained the image in his memory then turned his attention back to the cartoon.

A light rain had begun to fall by the time the movie ended so when Justin shut the television off he made no move to get off the couch. Instead he burrowed deeper into Brian's chest and shut his eyes. He remained half aware for quite some time, listening to the rain as it splattered against the tall windows until he too eventually drifted off to sleep.

The day before Damian's trial began, Brian had arranged for Gus to spend the day with them. Justin was glad for the distraction. At nearly eleven months old, Gus was taking his first tottering attempts at walking and was jabbering away non-stop in complete nonsense. He was also getting into everything which was why Brian opted to take the little boy to the park rather than risk his loft.

"Don't even think about it, Sonnyboy," Brian said as Gus began movie his hand with the wandering ladybug closer to his mouth.

Gus grinned broadly at his father and held his hand out in Brian's direction. "Da."

Brian scooped the ladybug from Gus' outstretched hand and pretended to eat it, much to his son's delight. Justin watched the thing flit away from behind Brian's back and grinned broadly.

"That's cheating," he whispered in Brian's ear as he wound his arm around his lover's shoulders. "Your son offered you a snack, you should have eaten it."

"Only after you eat one," Brian deadpanned, arching an eyebrow in the blonde's direction.

Gus was instantly fascinated by that facial expression and began trying to master it himself. The little boy couldn't quite master the raised eyebrow, but he did a very good impression of Brian's tongue in cheek look while he was trying. Gus' attention only lasted on that for a few minutes at that before he was off and crawling across the grass.

Leaving Brian on the blanket he'd brought with him from the loft, Justin crawled after Gus. He wrapped his hands around Gus' middle and rolled himself onto his back, bringing a squealing Gus along for the ride. Gus' laughter only increased when Brian scooped him out of Justin's arms and swung him high above his head. Justin stayed on the ground, watching father and son as they spun around above him.

"Pada!" Gus called, reaching his hands out towards Justin.

Justin held out his arms and Brian carefully set the little boy down on his chest where Gus immediately settled down with a yawn. Gus had been up all day without a nap and was exhausted. Justin was definitely grateful then that Gus wasn't a fussy baby. If he was tired he would find the first comfortable place and settle down to sleep. 

While Gus wiggled around in search of the most comfortable position, Brian stretched out alongside Justin. The older man reached a hand out, ruffling his son's hair which brought a sleepy grin to the toddler's face. Tilting his head to the side, Justin smiled at Brian and ran his fingertips along Brian's arm.

"You comfortable?" Brian murmured once Gus had drifted off.

Justin nodded his head and brought Brian's hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to his palm. "Wouldn't move for anything in the world.... But a pillow would be nice."

Justin had expected Brian to ball up the blanket they'd been sitting on earlier, but instead the older man lifted his head and placed it on his lap. Justin smiled up at Brian, stretching his hand up behind Brian's neck, guiding their faces together for a tender, lingering kiss. The park that they were in was close enough to Liberty Avenue that no one gave them a second glance. Even if they hadn't been so close to home, Justin wouldn't have cared. With everything else going on in his life, Justin wanted the intimacy. He craved it because it helped to keep him centered.

"What time do we have to bring Gus back to Lindsay's?" Justin asked, shifting slightly as he became aware of something digging into his back.

"Not till after supper," Brian informed him. "You want me to take him?"

Reluctantly, Justin nodded his head. "Yeah. There's something pressing into my back and I don't want to wake him up."

Loosening his hold on Gus, Justin allowed Brian to take the infant from him and carefully sat up, stretching the kinks out of his back. He took Gus back so that Brian could stand up, holding the miniature version of his lover protectively against his chest. The little boy shuffled against him, scrunching his features up, but didn't wake up.

"Can we go to the diner for lunch?" Justin asked once Brian had gotten Gus settled in his stroller. "I'm craving some of their chili cheese fries."

As expected, Brian shuddered at the suggestion which only made Justin laugh. Despite Brian's obvious distaste for his choice of food, Justin knew that the older man would still end up stealing some fries from his plate.

When the arrived at the diner, Justin was relieved to see that Debbie wasn't here. As much as he loved the red-haired waitress, he knew her well enough to know that Debbie would find some way of reminding him of what he was doing his best to ignore. All that he wanted of that day was to enjoy his time with Gus and hopefully spend most of the night being fucked into the mattress by Brian.

"Your ass is going to grow twice its size," Brian groaned when the waitress set a large plate of chili cheese fries in front of the blonde.

"You love my ass and you know it," Justin smirked as he stabbed is fork into the mass on his plate. "You think it's round and very fuckable."

Brian arched an eyebrow at that, lifting half of his turkey sandwich to his lips. "Is that so?"

Justin nodded his head emphatically. "Yep."

"Well, unfortunately, we won't be able to test your theory for several hours because we have our son to entertain," Brian reminded him, nudging the stroller that the sleeping tot was in with his foot.

"But we do have all night," Justin grinned, leaning back into his side of the booth. "And I plan on making use of as much of it as possible."


	13. Raging Sunshine

Even though it was going to be a while before Justin had to testify, the prosecutor had insisted that Justin be there for the entire trial. As the victim, his presence was essential so that the jury would be forced to remember that someone had been hurt as a result of Damian's perversions. That regardless of whether or not he had recovered, Justin could carry to scars of it for the rest of his life. And as much as Brian wished that it wasn't true, but he knew that Justin wouldn't always be able to keep the memories at bay.

Beside him, Justin shifted uneasily, his body tense. Brian reached over and took hold of Justin's hand, bringing it to his lips in order to press a kiss to his knuckles. "You're doing great, Justin."

Justin's fingers tightened around his briefly before he twisted his hand enough to slide his fingers through Brian's.

"Were you aware Doctor Walker had allowed Mr. Taylor to live with him?" Deidre Collins asked Damian's younger sister who had come forward months ago, asking to testify on Justin's behalf.

"Yes, I was," Jessica Walker responded immediately.

"And did Doctor Walker tell you why Mr. Taylor was living with him?"

The young woman nodded, tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear. "Damian said that he had become a foster parent and Justin was his first placement. Damian had wanted an older child because with his schedule he couldn't be as attentive to a young child."

"What were your first impressions of Justin Taylor?"

"He was very skittish. Very scared. He got very jumpy whenever someone got near him. But Damian said that he'd been abused by his father so I felt sorry for him.... He seemed like a sweet kid."

A smile ghosted across Justin's lips. Justin had told him about Damian's younger sister. She had been nice to him, spending Saturday afternoon's with him sometimes when Damian had to work. They had watched movies together and Justin always said that he felt normal when he got to spend time with Jessica. A few hours of normalcy, however, weren't enough to be worth all of the pain Damian had caused him.

"Ms. Walker, had you ever been inside off the room that led off the kitchen?" District Attourney Deidre Collins asked in her cross-examination.

"No, that door was always locked."

"Did you ever wonder what was in there?"

"Damian always told me that it was storage. Our grandmother had left him some antique furniture in her will and I always figured that he stored it in there. If I'd known what Damian was doing--"

"Objection, your honour! It has not been proven that--"

The judge looked non-plussed by the defense lawyer’s outburst. "Overruled. Police evidence has already confirmed the presence of the equipment in Doctor Walker's home."

The girl looked genuine which caught Brian off guard. She was Damian's sister. She shared blood with the bastard who had hurt Justin. It was hard for Brian to reconcile that knowledge with the image he carried in his head of Justin struggling against the leather straps that bound him to a pair of cross-beams in Damian's "playroom." Justin with the blindfold and the gag, straining and pulling until his wrists bled and the gash on his left arm was torn open. Damian had done that to Justin and done even more that Brian still didn't know about.

Those unknowns made Brian even more uneasy about Justin testifying. Justin was already barely holding it together. Having to dredge up parts of his past would make things even more difficult for him and Brian wasn't entirely sure if he could fully help Justin cope with it all. Brian wasn't even sure that he would be able to cope. He didn't want to know if the imagined horrors that Justin had gone through were less frightening than what Justin had actually gone through and Brian hated that he hadn't been able to stop any of it. Hated even more that he hadn't been able to save Justin those times Damian had come after him at Woody's, at the loft and at the diner.

Sally was the also testifying that day, looking odd with her hair dyed a natural shade of red and a dark skirt with a matching fitted blazer in place of her usual eclectic wardrobe. Brian couldn't help but wonder what Deidre had threatened to get her to calm her tastes down.

"How long have you known Justin?"

"We met back in September. I did a cheerleader cheer in the hallway at U.S. Grant then showed him around the school," Sally said, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "It was his first day and I thought that he could use a friend."

"Did you and Justin spend a lot of time together after that?"

"Pretty much all of our spare time."

"Were there the night that Justin was attacked in his home on the corner of Tremont and Fuller?"

Sally pursed her lips, nodding her head slightly. "I was there that night. I'd left a little bit before, though, because I still had some homework to do."

"Did you forget anything at Justin's home that night?"

"My blue lensed sunglasses. Gus, Brian's little boy, had kept trying to take them off my head so I put them down. I didn't want him to hurt himself."

"Did you see anyone as you were leaving the building?"

"I did," Sally croaked, squeezing her eyes shut momentarily.

"Who did you see?"

"Damian Walker. I'm the one who let him into the building."

Beside him, Justin was shaking his head, frowning in Sally's direction. He seemed momentarily calm and when Sally sat down next to him after she was done testifying, Justin immediately pulled her into his arms. For those few minutes he was able to forget and Brian was glad for that because as the day went on Brian could tell that Justin was becoming more and more tense and he knew that he wouldn't be able to calm the blonde down until they got home. It worried Brian because it wasn't even time for Justin to be involved in the trial. Deidre was going to call Justin last. Lindsay and Brian himself would still be testifying for the defense at some point, with Brian taking the stand right before Justin.

Towards the end of the day, after the final recess, Brian noticed that Justin was scratching at the inside of his left forearm. At first he didn't think anything of it until Justin's fingers slid under the cuff of his suit jacket and he began to press down harder. Reaching over, Brian grabbed hold of Justin's right hand, drawing it onto his lap and holding it tight between both of his.

"Just relax," Brian whispered, leaning over so that his lips were moving against the blonde's temple.

Justin was silent, but his fingers were twitching in Brian's grasp. He made a panicked noise and then his face was burrowed against Brian's shoulder. Keeping his left hand holding tight to Justin's, Brian wound his right arm around Justin's shoulders, pulling the younger man still closer.

The rest of that day's testimony finished without any startling revelations and Brian hurried to take Justin back to the loft. Almost the entire way back, Justin was scratching at the inside of his left forearm and as much as Brian wanted to stop him, it took two hands to steer the vehicle and control the gear shift.

"Justin, come on. You're gonna hurt yourself," Brian said once he finally managed to catch a stop light. He automatically reached over and began to tug Justin's hand away from his arm.

"I'm just realizing that I'm going to have Damian's scars on me for the rest of my life," Justin sighed, leaning his head against the frame of the Corvette. "I can pretend sometimes that I'm all right and that there's nothing wrong with me, but.... I'm fucked up, Brian. That's really all there is to it. Even if Damian gets locked up for the rest of his life I'm still going to be fucked up."

"Except that you keep forgetting just how strong you are, Justin," Brian pointed out, flashing Justin a quick, yet very sincere, smile before accelerating through the intersection. "It really doesn't matter how fucked up you are. You have met our family, haven't you?"

"I'm gonna tell Debbie you said that," Justin smirked, leaning back self-satisfied.

Brian's tongue poked against the inside of his cheek as he glanced over at Justin. He knew that Justin was only pretending to be calm and relaxed for his benefit just like he knew there wasn't really anything he could do at the moment. They were only about ten minutes away from the loft and when they got there Brian planned to lock the front door and turn off the ringer on all the phones.

Three hours later Brian was still doing his best to distract his lover. He'd even gone as far as to ordering Justin's favourite Chinese foods. Chicken balls, potstickers, deep fried wong tons, lemon chicken and anything else the blonde could find that was caked in batter, friend or drenched in sauce. They were far from anything Brian would chose to eat on his own, but when Justin held out a strip of lemon chicken between his index finger and thumb, dripping excess sauce, towards his mouth, Brian couldn't help but open his mouth. Some of the lemon sauce drizzled over his bare collarbone and Justin immediately swooped down to lick it away, his tongue continuing to follow the trail up Brian's throat to the corner of his jaw.

"You keep this up and your dinner is going to get cold," Brian admonished, running his tongue over his bottom lip to remove any traces of the lemon sauce.

Justin's head jerked quickly from side to side. "Don't care. I still haven't tried eating plum sauce off your chest. It might taste better than the lemon one."

Stretching out on one of the futon cushions on the floor, Brian let Justin have his way with him. He let himself be a canvas, doing his utmost not to squirm and get the sticky substance on the cushions. Justin needed the control and Brian was more than willing to let the younger man have his way with him once Justin began laving his tongue across his torso. He traced patterns along Brian's chest, sometimes by dribbling it directly from the carton and other times with sauce smeared on his fingertips. Justin was treating it as serious as any other work of art. His features were hard, his lips were pursed and he was staring intently at the designs he was creating on Brian's chest.

"Thank you for putting up with me," Justin murmured as he pressed an open-mouthed kiss to Brian's chest. "For letting me live with you. For letting me be a part of your family. For defending me. For loving me. Just... just thanks. Okay?"

"Okay," Brian whispered. He wanted to contradict what Justin was saying, but he couldn't. Justin looked so earnest, his eyes staring straight into Brian's, almost daring him to blink.

Satisfied, Justin pressed a second kiss to his chest, hot breath puffing against Brian's damp skin.

Later that night, Brian stayed awake long after Justin had fallen asleep, watching over the blonde as he slept tucked against his side. It had taken him a long while to calm Justin down, the younger man's mind working overtime trying to prepare himself for Damian's inevitable testimony. Deidre had done what she could to prepare him for what Damian would say, but there was no way to predict how exactly the doctor's lawyer would attempt to fabricate his client's innocence.

Holding himself up on his elbow, Brian slid his fingers through Justin's hair, pushing his bangs away from his face. Justin looked so peaceful, so innocent. It was hard to believe that anyone could do anything to hurt him. Justin was just too happy, too full of life. That was why it pained him so much to see what the trial was doing to Justin. All day he had been watching Justin scratch at the scar that slashed down his left forearm. It was red, irritated and standing out all the more.

"As soon as this is over we're getting out of the Pitts for a while," Brian whispered, his lips brushing lightly against Justin's temple. "We need to recharge after this."

Sitting on the stand, Lindsay looked every bit the prim and proper little WASP. Her hair was immaculate, her clothes impeccable and she held herself very calm and composed while Deidre questioned her about that November afternoon.

"Brian and I were going to go shopping for clothes for our little boy, Gus."

"How did you end up at the Liberty Diner?"

Lindsay glanced down at her lap, her brows furrowing slightly. "I asked Brian to meet me there because I wanted to see Justin. Justin had been attacked a few days before and I wanted to make sure that he was okay."

"Were either Mr. Kinney or Mr. Taylor at the diner when you arrived?"

"No."

"How did you know that something was wrong?"

"One of the waitresses told me that Justin had left all of a sudden with an older man," Lindsay said quietly, her lips pursed.

"What did you do then?"

"I called Brian. He was a little late meeting me, so I called him on the off chance that he had gotten there before me and had gotten... distracted."

Deidre arched an eyebrow at that. "'Distracted?'"

"Brian and Justin love each other very much and they're very demonstrative."

Beside him, Justin leaned against his side, nuzzling his cheek against Brian's shoulder. Since he was already holding Justin's left hand, Brian brought it to his lips, touching a kiss to his knuckles. He was hoping to distract Justin, knowing what was going to be coming. It was impossible, but Brian didn't want Justin to have to relieve what had happened in November. Brian wished that he could have stopped it from happening the first time.

"How did you and Mr. Kinney get into the building?"

"I distracted the doorman while Brian slipped inside when someone was leaving the building. I pretended to have twisted my ankle and asked him to hail a taxi for me and then when he was gone I followed Brian."

"But you still did not have a key to Dr. Walker's condo? How were you able get inside the apartment?"

"Directly from the building manager," Lindsay said calmly, leaning back in her chair. "Brian made an impassioned plea to the man and was able to get both the apartment number and the spare key while the building manager called the police."

Deidre was silent for a moment, pausing in front of the jury stand. "Did you see Mr. Taylor right away when you entered the apartment?"

"No, we did not."

"But you did find him in Dr. Walker's apartment?"

"Yes."

"Where exactly did you find Mr. Taylor?"

"Justin was in a room next to the kitchen."

"Was he restrained in any way?"

For the first time Lindsay seemed to falter. Out in the gallery, Brian squeezed his eyes shut tight, wanting to banish the memory from his own mind.

_Throwing open the door nearest the kitchen, Brian stumbled, his knees nearly giving out under him at the sight of Justin strapped naked to a black wooden X. The blonde was struggling desperately, blood dribbling down his arms. Justin was making a series of panicked mewling noises, pulling against the straps holding his wrists to the X._

_"JUSTIN!"_

_There was a strangled sob from Justin and then Brian was rushing across the room._

Brian kept Justin close to him for the remainder of the day. He had managed to convince himself that he would be able to get through Lindsay's testimony without reacting and was annoyed by the way his hands seemed to tremble as she detailed Justin's rescue. Angered him even more that Justin was the one comforting him on the way back to the loft, massaging the base of the skull.

Another thing weighing on Brian's mind was the possibility of Michael making an appearance during the trial. As far as Brian was concerned the man was completely insane, but Deidre had warned them just that afternoon that Damian's lawyer was trying to get Michael declared sane enough to testify on the doctor's behalf. Brian didn't even want to think about what Michael would say on the stand, neither did he want to think of his former friend as actually being sane. If Michael was sane it meant that he had knowingly tried to splatter Brian's brains across the pavement.

"Why don't we go see Gus tonight?" Justin suggested as they finished up their dinner: pizza from the place down the street. "He could use a visit from his Dadda."

"And you think that his Dadda could use a visit from him, huh?" Brian deadpanned as he tossed a pizza crust down on his plate. He tried his best to sound angry, but failed miserable.

Justin smiled slightly, glancing down at his plate. "Both his dads."

Brian returned the smile and didn't protest when Justin dropped another slice of pizza onto his plate. He ate it without complaint, only dropping the crust on the plate with the others. "I'll call Lindz when we're done eating and let her know that we're coming over."

As he'd hoped, Justin's smile was immediate. There was a smear of pizza sauce on his chin with Brian leaned over to wipe away with the pad of his thumb. Once he got rid of the red sauce, he returned his hand to Justin’s cheek, sliding his thumb across the delicate cheekbone.

"I love you, Sunshine," Brian whispered, leaning over to brush his lips against Justin's.

Justin continued to smile against his lips. "I love you too."

For a brief while, Brian was able to forget that he was going to be the one on the stand the following afternoon.


	14. Raging Sunshine

"How exactly did you and Mr. Taylor meet?"

Justin fidgeted uneasily in his seat. Brian had only been on the stand for a few seconds and he already missed the comfort of the other man sitting next to him. Instead he sunk back into the hard wooden pew as much as he could, hoping to hide away from what Brian was going to have to say. 

"I was in a dance club on Liberty Avenue and I saw Walker smacking him around." Brian frowned, pursing his lips momentarily. "He shoved Justin to the ground and started kicking him."

"Were there others around?"

"Yes."

"Did anyone else attempt to intervene?"

Brian shook his head once. "No."

"Why did you help him?"

The pause was longer this time. Brian looked down at his lap then at Deidre and then beyond her to where Justin was sitting. "Because from what I could tell, Justin hadn't done anything to deserve what Walker was doing to him. He was terrified."

"How did Mr. Taylor come to live with you?"

"I offered Justin my couch because he had nowhere else to go. His parents kicked him out when they learned that he was gay and he didn't have anywhere else to go."

Deidre put upon a concerned expression, furrowing her bows. "You offered to take a seventeen year old boy home with you? That doesn't strike you as odd?"

"Justin's parents kicked him out when they found out he was gay. The only place he had to go was to Walker and I wasn't about to let him go back there when he already had two bruised ribs."

From where he sat, Justin could see the tenseness around Brian's eyes and at the corners of his mouth. Brian was stressed out. Brian was tense and he was worried and it was all because of him. Brian could deny it all he wanted, but Justin knew that it was true. He had caused nothing but pain since Brian had found him and not for the first time Justin wished that he had left that night on the bus. So many bad things would have never happened to Brian if he had just gone away.

It was a useless wish, though, because Justin was too selfish to have given Brian up. There had been a few bad moments, but on the whole Justin had been happier than he could ever remember over the past year. He had a family and friends that he loved and a life that he was proud of. And all because Brian had made sure that he didn't go chasing after Damian that night at Babylon.

"Now could you please tell the court what happened at Woody's Bar the night of September 13th of last year, Mr. Kinney?" Deidre asked, leaving her notepad on the desk as she crossed back over to the witness stand.

Risking a glance to the defense side of the room, Justin stared at Damian for a moment, trying to see if he was at all nervous. By all rights he should have been. He was guilty. Damian had done every horrible thing that he was being accused of and they both knew it. Damian had put him through hell. Both him and Brian. And while Justin could ignore what Damian had done to him, the sadistic doctor had hurt Brian and that Justin couldn't forgive. Wouldn't. Brian had never done anything to warrant having his life torn apart like it had been in the past year. And if the people in the jury box on the other side of the room believed Damian over them he would get to walk free. It just wasn't fair.

"Justin and I met some friends there for a few games of pool around nine o'clock. We'd just got a table maybe half an hour later when Justin went to go use the washrooms." Brian faltered momentarily, pursing his lips. "Then I heard Justin scream."

Not for the first time Justin considered forgoing art in favour of studying law. He never felt like he was doing enough when he volunteered at the teen crisis center. He wanted to do more. He didn't want anyone else to be hurt like he had.

"So at this point Justin was still in the washroom?"

Brian nodded his head. "Yes. We'd gone all around taking shot at the table and I realized Justin hadn't come back. I was about to go check on him when I heard him scream."

"What did you do then?"

"I tried to get into the washrooms."

"And you couldn't?"

"No. The door was locked."

"Could you hear anything that was going on inside?"

"Some thumping and crashing.... The sound a body makes when it hits something. And voices."

From where he saw Justin could see Brian fidgeting with the left cuff of his jacket. It was a habit of his when he was nervous or upset. Justin preferred not to think about which one it was. Justin could still remember how desperate he had been to get to Brian when he'd been with Damian in the men's washrooms at Woody's. And he could remember just how scared Brian had sounded on the other side of the door.

"Did you call the police when this happened?"

Brian shook his head. "No. I just wanted to get Justin back home."

Deidre furrowed her brows in mock confusion. "So over the course of a single weekend Mr. Taylor is attacked twice and you don't inform the police?"

"No, I didn't."

"Given the nature of both attacks, it would seem only natural that you would want to create some type of police record," Deidre mused out loud, turning slightly towards the jury box.

"Justin wasn't in any state to deal with an investigation. It was better just to put it behind him and get on with his life. So we did that. I took Justin home and the next day he went back to school."

"Did you have any other trouble at that time?"

Brian shook his head. "Justin started school, he started a job at the Liberty Diner and things were pretty normal all things considered."

"So the attack on Mr. Taylor in your loft was the next time you encountered Dr. Walker?"

"Yes."

"Were you present during this attack?"

Brian tensed, his lips pursing. "No."

"What happened when you came home that night?"

"I got into the building and heard Justin scream," Brian said, leaning back into the chair. "The elevator would have taken too long so I ran up the stairs. By the time I got there Walker was gone, Justin had a huge gash on his arm, and my infant son was screaming."

"At that point did you know what had happened?"

"Only that Justin had been attacked."

Lunch was called once Deidre was finished questioning Brian about the attack at the loft. Justin could tell how unnerved Brian was as he slowly made his way towards the gallery where Justin was waiting for him. As soon as Brian was through the gate, Justin slipped into his arms.

"Careful, you're gonna wrinkle the Armani," Brian murmured against the top of his head.

"I don't care." Justin shrugged his shoulders, hugging Brian tighter. "I'm sorry for making you do this."

"Don't worry about it, Sunshine."

Begging off eating with the others, Brian took Justin to a nearby deli so that they could regroup. Justin didn't want to admit just how on edge he was. And he wasn't even on the stand yet. Justin wanted nothing more than to go back to the loft and not leave until the trial was over. He could write his testimony down instead of having to get on the stand. He really didn't want to do relive it all. Justin had been trying so hard to forget it all and now he couldn't.

"You don't look so hot," Brian said as they waited for their sandwiches to be made. "Are you feeling okay? You're looking really pale"

Justin nodded his head, uncapping his bottle of water. "I'm fine. A little stressed, but fine. You don't have to worry about me."

Brian smirked. "Nice try, Sunshine."

"I'm really okay, Brian. I promise."

He knew that Brian didn't believe him. Justin didn't really believe himself. He could pretend, but it wasn't working. It wouldn't have been so bad except that Justin didn't have Brian there with him while he was listening to the testimony. Instead he had to endure it by himself and that was what freaked Justin out the most.

"This will be done by the end of the week, right?" Justin asked as they sat down at a side booth.

Brian unwrapped his sandwich, his lips contorting in odd ways while he thought up an answer. "I hope to fuck so," he said at last, fiddling with the edge of the wrapper. "I can only take so much more of that bastard's smug grin."

"What if they decide he's innocent?"

"Don't even fucking think it," Brian hissed, setting his sandwich down and staring directly at Justin. "There's no way that bastard Walker will get away with what he did to you. Too many people know about it."

"But what if--"

Brian's eyes darkened and his hand shot across the table to take hold of Justin's wrist. "Stop it right now, Justin. Don't do this to yourself. You don't need this right now."

Justin pursed his lips, trying to keep from saying anything else. He was still nervous, though. Still uneasy. He didn't know what was going to happen one minute to the next during the trial and that made him even more nervous. Justin didn't know what Damian had told his lawyer and what way those things were being spun. Even without interpreting things in Damian's favour there were things that Justin didn't want known. Things that he had only reluctantly told Deidre and that he still hadn't told Brian about. He knew that Brian wouldn't judge him-- Brian would never do that. The reason that Justin didn't want to tell him was because he just wanted to forget about it. It was easier that way than having to actually think about what had happened to him.

Brian was still insisting that the two of them take a trip when the trial was over and done with. This was going to be Justin's last little break before he started university in the fall. Brian was still only working part time and since he was the boss he could easily take the time off to get away for a week or two.

"How about Italy?" Brian suggested after swallowing a mouthful of sandwich. "You can immerse yourself in the culture and I can immerse myself in the fashion."

"So when are we going to spend time together on this trip?"

Brian shook his head slightly, smirking. "That's what the beaches are for, Sunshine. I plan on coming back from this with the perfect tan."

It was Justin's turn to smirk that time. "Does this mean we're going to have to find nude beaches? 'Cause you won't get a perfect tan if you have to wear a swimsuit."

"Is that a suggestion, Sunshine?" Brian asked, arching an eyebrow.

"No, that's not a suggestion," the blonde snorted, shaking his head. "You may be an exhibitionist, but I'm not. I prefer to keep my clothes on in front of all except a select few."

"Select one?"

"Select one."

"Glad to hear it," Brian grinned as he picked his sandwich back up. 

Justin pointed a pickle at him. "The same better go for you."

"You're going to have to take that up with the Smurf. See if she's gotten over wanting to see my dick."

"Let's just not go there," Justin smirked before taking a bite from the end of the pickle. "I'm hoping that she'll have forgotten about that by now."

Brian smirked in return, leaning back in his seat. "You do remember that this is your best friend, don't you?"

"That doesn't mean she has a right to see my boyfriend's dick."

He saw Brian wince at that and knew that it was because Justin had called Brian his boyfriend. No matter what their relationship as, Justin knew full well that Brian hated being called his boyfriend. It was too juvenile for Brian's tastes. Not that he was fond of lover or partner, though. Brian preferred to avoid any type of labeling and most of the time Justin found it amusing. Other times, though, he would rather know where he stood with Brian. He didn't doubt that Brian loved him-- he'd known that almost from the start. Close to it, anyway.

For Justin lunch was far too short. The hour passed quicker than almost any other hour he could remember and soon they were back in the courtroom. What Justin hated most of all was that he was stuck alone watching Brian relive some of the worst moments of his life.

"Why didn't you call the police when you realized that Mr. Taylor was missing from his shift at the Liberty Diner? Surely they would have been better equipped to deal with the situation."

Far away as he was, Justin could see Brian's jaw tighten. "Walker had been released from police custody just that morning and already he had gotten to Justin. I wasn't about to trust them to get him back safe."

"So you took the law into your own hands."

"I did what I had to to protect Justin," Brian ground out, staring directly at Deidre. "Walker had just sliced his arm open a few days before and I didn't want him to be hurt any more. I knew Walker's reputation and I'd seen the cuts and bruises on Justin's body when I first met him, there was no way I could let Walker hurt him again."

"Do you admit to attacking Dr. Walker in the hospital later that day?"

Brian didn't hesitate before nodding his head. "I do."

"Had you known ahead of time that it was the hospital where he worked?"

"No. I wouldn't have brought Justin there if I did."

"There was an altercation with the police later as well, was there not?"

Brian glanced down at his lap momentarily. "I lost my temper."

"Could you elaborate?"

"I was stressed out and didn't want to hear how sorry the officer was that Justin had been abducted. They should have made sure that Walker was kept away from him in the first place. I started shouting, the one officer started shouting back and we nearly traded punches in the exam room," Brian said rather plainly, looking contrite. "I was stressed out and my temper was shorter than usual."

There was a final break called before Damian's lawyer began his cross-examination. The man would really only be given a chance to get started, but Deidre had finished far too early for the trial to be called to a close for the day. That final break was made even more difficult because Deidre wouldn't let him and Brian talk during it. She needed to go over a few things with Brian and that took precedence to him needing a hug. So instead he smiled tightly at Brian and fiddled with one of the buttons on his suit jacket.

"You were involved in a sexual harassment complaint last fall, were you not?" Damian's lawyer, Jessica Bower asked as she stalked over to the witness stand.

Brian leaned back in his chair, unconcerned about the question. "I've already answered this question. Kip Thomas filed the complaint because I wouldn't give him a promotion he didn't deserve. He ended up dropping the suit so it's irrelevant anyway."

"So you're denying that you had sex with Mr. Thomas?"

"No, I'm not. I had sex with Kip. What I did not do was promise him a job if he slept with me."

The blonde lawyer in the perfectly tailored suit that Justin was sure Brian could name the designer of didn't seem the least bit concerned by his answer. "Why exactly did Mr. Thomas drop his complaint against you? Surely he had a lot to gain by pursuing it."

"Actually, he would have been blacklisted. All of the other major firms would have been nervous about hiring him when he ended up losing."

The woman actually smiled like that. "You're a very confident man, Mr. Kinney."

"You have to be in my business. You're selling yourself just as much as the product."

"So you lie."

Brian shook his head. "No. I pride myself on always telling the truth."

"I was under the impression that advertisers are wonders at putting a spin on things. Make the general public buy things they really don't need. How do we know you're not putting a clever spin on what happened between my client and Mr. Taylor?"

"Because I'm telling you so."

Jessica bobbed her head up and down slowly. "So if I were to ask you if you knew why Mr. Thomas dropped his complaint against you, you would tell me...?"

"That Justin was responsible for it."


	15. Raging Sunshine

Brian bit the inside of his cheek so that he wouldn't grin at the lawyer's shocked expression. He and Deidre had talked at length about just such a situation arising. They had decided that it would be better for Brian to be honest about Justin tricking Kip into dropping the lawsuit. It was better that he deal with it since Justin would be under enough stress when it was his turn on the stand.

"I must admit that I surprised that you admitted to that so easily," the impeccably dressed Ms. Bower mused.

"I told you, I tell the truth," Brian reminded her, folding his hands comfortably over his lap. "Justin was the one to get Kip to drop the suit."

"And how exactly did Mr. Taylor accomplish this?"

Brian pursed his lips momentarily. "He propositioned Kip on Liberty Avenue then once he had Kip thoroughly distracted Justin let Kip think that he was underage. Kip panicked and agreed to drop the charges so long as Justin didn't let anyone know about what had happened."

"Impressive. Mr. Taylor appears to be a very ingenious man," she said, walking a few steps towards where the jury sat. "Then you would not fault me for believing that he would be entirely capable of creating the situation with Dr. Walker himself?"

"I was under the impression that Walker was paying you to do exactly that. And apparently he's also paying you to create a 'he said, he said' scenario to throw doubt on the district attourney's case."

Jessica clucked disapprovingly as she turned back towards Brian. "Please, Mr. Kinney, give me a little more credit than that. I did study law, after all."

"I would hope so, otherwise Walker is going to be in serious trouble. Not that I mind, of course."

"Of course not, Mr. Kinney. It is your lover that was supposedly assaulted by him."

"Your honour, I would ask that Ms. Bower ask Mr. Kinney a question and not simply trade banter with him," Deidre huffed, rising to her feet.

"I happen to agree with Ms. Collins," the judge nodded, looking pointedly at Jessica. "Please return to your line of questioning."

"Yes, your honour," Jessica said, dipping her head down in a brief nod. Mask back in place, she immediately turned her attention back to Brian. "Mr. Kinney, how did you find out about Mr. Taylor's role in Kip Thomas' decision to drop the charges against you?"

"Kip's cousin is a friend of Justin's. He called me because he was worried that Justin was going to do something to get the charges dropped. I found Justin outside of a club called Babylon about ready to have a panic attack."

"This was after he had propositioned Mr. Thomas?"

"Yes."

"So Mr. Thomas would be the third person Mr. Taylor offered himself to sexually in order to benefit himself?"

"Well Walker took advantage of Justin's desperation, Justin and I only started sleeping together after we'd been living together for a while, and what Justin did with Kip was Justin trying to be selfless," Brian countered, glaring at the woman.

Jessica effected a slightly confused expression. "So Mr. Taylor didn't trade sexual favours for a place to live with both you and Dr. Walker, and he didn't do the same with Mr. Thomas in order to ensure that his current patron would still have enough money to keep him in style? Because, I must say, Mr. Kinney, that it certainly looks that way."

"To someone looking at facts on a piece of paper, perhaps."

"That is my job, after all," she reminded him, not losing stride. "An individual can create all sorts of stories explain their actions-- putting a positive spin on events is what I believe people in your industry refer to it as. I prefer to look at the facts alone and the facts state that Mr. Taylor has no qualms about using sex to get what he needs."

Brian had to bite his tongue to keep from shouting obscenities at the woman. It was completely obvious to him what she was doing and frustrated him that he could do nothing to prevent it. Her logic was completely sound and to anyone who hadn't been personally involved it even made sense. But Brian knew Justin and he knew that Justin would never do what she was accusing him of. It wasn't in him to be that callus and unemotional. Especially not where sex was concerned.

Any chance Brian had to defend Justin was taken away when Bower steered her line of questioning away from the whole Kip affair. It continued to be a battle of wills between the two of them, Jessica doing her best to make Walker sound like a man Justin had taken advantage of while Brian did the exact opposite. He had dealt with enough contracts to be able to maneuver his way around tricky legal speech.

The only thing throwing him off was when he would catch a glimpse of Justin. The blonde was a nervous wreck, fidgeting almost continually. Thankfully, after half an hour, the judge called an end to testimony for the day. Brian was excused from the witness stand and made a beeline for Justin who was also moving towards him. They met just inside the gate, Justin winding himself around Brian, clutching at him tightly.

"I must say that was more enjoyable than I thought it would be," Deidre said as she began gathering up her paperwork. "You really are a bastard when you put your mind to it."

"I try my best," Brian smirked, rubbing one hand in circles between Justin's shoulder blades. "Do you need us for anything tonight?"

Deidre shook her head. "No, not tonight. I would like to meet with you sometime on Sunday, Justin. I want to go over a few things with you before it's your turn on the stand. Just let me know tomorrow what time would be good."

Bypassing all of their family, Brian led Justin out of the courthouse, intent on getting him back home. Justin was completely on edge and he wasn't sure how long it would be before he snapped. A few of the reporters who had been covering the trial tried to stop them to ask Brian some questions. Brian shrugged them off, refusing to comment. If it wasn't for Justin, Brian would have had quite a bit to say to them. He would have reveled at the chance to say exactly what he felt about Walker while dancing around the possibility of the doctor being able to charge him for libel.

"I'm glad tomorrow's Friday," Justin sighed against Brian's shoulder as the exited the courthouse. "I don't think I could last any longer."

"What do you want to do over the weekend?"

Justin's brows drew together and he scratched at the bridge of his nose. "I want to lock ourselves in the loft. Not see anyone, not go anywhere, just stay home."

Turning his head, Brian nodded against the side of Justin's head so that the younger man could feel the movement. "Whatever you want, Justin."

Since neither of them was in the mood to cook, Brian suggested they stop by the diner on the way home. Justin needed to get some real food in him. All week he'd pretty much been picking at his food, eating less than Brian usually did which was far too little for an eighteen year old. Especially one with Justin's usual appetite. Justin's appetite seemed to have returned somewhat by the time they reached the diner, ordering a double cheeseburger, large fries, chocolate shake and half a dozen lemon squares. The lemon squares were for the both of them, but Brian knew that Justin would end up eating more than half of them.

They ate sitting on the large futon cushions in front of the television, leaning their backs against the couch as they watched Yellow Submarine. Brian had seen more of the movie in the past few weeks than in all the months Justin had owned a copy of the film.

"If you wanted fries, you should have ordered your own," Justin said without taking his eyes from the screen.

Smirking, Brian snagged another from the container resting between Justin's knees. "You can take it out in trade."

That earned him a raised eyebrow from the blonde.

The two of them spent a mellow evening in front of the television. Justin hadn't taken Brian up on his offer, but he was practically curled up around Brian. Having condemned himself to a night of doing whatever Justin wanted, the movies were far from anything Brian would have chosen to watch. First cartoon rock stars, then drunken half-mad pirates, followed by the tale of a young English writer seducing a cynical French courtesan. And while he wouldn't have chosen the movies, he didn't mind watching them and actually enjoyed them to some extent. The last movie seemed to have snapped Justin out of his funk despite its somber ending.

"I'm glad you never listened to me all those times I told you to let me go," Justin murmured as the credits began to roll. "I'm happy here. I'm happy with you. With everything. Except for all this trial shit. That I could do without."

"It won't be for much longer," Brian promised, pressing a kiss to Justin's temple.

"But then the whole thing will start all over again with Michael," Justin reminded him, good mood suddenly vanishing. "Do you think things will ever calm down?"

"You start college next month, Sunshine. Things won't be calm for a long time," Brian grinned, attempting to salvage Justin's earlier mood.

It got him a snort of amusement from the blonde that he immediately used to press his advantage. Winding his arm around Justin's middle, he tackled the blonde forward, pinning him to the cushions. Justin rolled his eyes, shifting his hips and spreading his legs, making room for Brian. He was smiling, tilting his hips just enough so that his groin was pushed against Brian's. After the stressful week, Justin was exhausted, his half-hooded eyes as he stared up at Brian, a smile curving his lips. 

Still not saying anything, Brian toyed with the longer strands of Justin's hair that were fanned out on the cushion. Justin was staring up at him just as quietly, lifting his hands to stroke along Brian's forearms where they rested beside his head. It was Justin who tilted his head up, nuzzling the underside of Brian's jaw. Brian dropped his head down, giving Justin easier access to his throat. There was a puff of warm air and then Justin's lips pressed wetly against his skin.

Before long, and at a pace Justin was setting, the two were lying pressed together naked. The air conditioner was on, but it was warm in their little alcove. Friction heated. Their bodies slid against each other, sweat slicking the way. Justin arched against Brian, head tipping backwards so that the top of his head was pressed into the futon cushion, exposing his throat to Brian who laved a stripe over his Adam's apple and over to the corner of his jaw. He sucked lightly, aware that he couldn't leave a mark that would be visible over the collar of his dress shirt.

In the end, the sex was almost an afterthought. At Justin's urging they rolled so that Brian was lying upon his back, the blonde rising up above him like some kind of underworld creature glowing in the light from the streetlamps spilling into the windows. Justin was the one who set the pace, slowly lowering himself down onto Brian's cock, easing his way with lube that came from their stash in a drawer in the coffee table. Justin rocked above him, his body arching before he leaned forward, resting his hands on either side of Brian's head. It was glorious to watch the blonde move against him and it was all that Brian could do to content himself with allowing Justin to lead things, merely sliding his hands along the smooth flesh and not thrusting at will.

When they had finally exhausted themselves, the pair ended up sleeping on the futon cushions, a throw from the couch protecting them from the chill of the air once their bodies began to cool.

It was still dark when Brian woke up. It wasn't the pitch black of the middle of the night, but the lighter sky closer to dawn. Beside him, Justin still slept soundly. The lines around his eyes were no longer quite so intense, Justin so relaxed in sleep that he was even making the snuffling half-snores that only came when he was utterly exhausted.

Brian watched him sleep, blinking lazily as he brushed a few longer strands of hair from Justin's face. He intended to let Justin sleep for as long as possible. The blonde needed the rest. Brian was relieved that it was Wednesday. Both of them needed the weekend to wind down. Justin more so since he was the one who was going to be testifying once Brian was finished on the stand. Brian wasn't worried too much about him on the stand with Deidre questioning him. It was Jessica Bower that Brian was more worried about.

"It's not morning yet, is it?" Justin mumbled sleepily, eyes still shut.

"Technically," Brian whispered, snuggling in closer. "You don't have to wake up yet, though. Sleep."

Justin murmured something that Brian couldn't quite hear then fell back asleep. Brian continued to stay awake, his mind already too active to allow him to slip back into slumber. Falling would probably be a mistake even if he could manage it. Neither of them had been up to the bedroom to set the alarm and if he fell asleep Brian could not guarantee that either of them would be awake soon enough to get to the courthouse on time. Brian allowed his eyes to rest for short periods of time, however. Since the attack he had often ended up with tension headaches behind his eyes if he had been focusing on something for too long a period. It was a hassle, forcing him to cut down on the amount of time he spent working on accounts. Granted he was one of the bosses and his line wasn't on the job, nor was he expected to carry such a heavy work load, but Brian enjoyed the work. It was the reason he had gotten involved in advertising in the first place. 

When the clock on the DVD player said that it was just after seven, Brian reluctantly woke Justin up. The artist yawned, immediately snuggling deeper into Brian's arms in an attempt to put off waking. Brian was tempted to give in, but it would be better if they were ready early rather than having to rush to the courthouse.

"Come on, Justin, we need to get up now," Brian said quietly into Justin's hair.

Justin moaned, shaking his head. He clutched at Brian's arms, refusing to be moved. "I want to stay here. Please? Can we just not go in today?"

"I wish we could," Brian sighed, nuzzling the side of Justin's head. "But I've got to finish up on the stand today. After this we have the whole weekend, though. Two days without anything to worry about. Okay?"

Snuffling quietly, Justin nodded his head against Brian's shoulder. "I know. I just... I don't want to...."

"Don't worry about it, Justin. I know."

The pair were quiet as they got themselves ready to go to the courthouse. Even though Brian had more than enough suits to wear a different one for each day, Deidre had warned him against it. He'd been told repeatedly that the trial wasn't a fashion show for him and that he should try to dress conservatively. For Brian that meant traditional suits in traditional colours, a more somber look than he would normally wear.

"We're going to be late," Brian called towards the bedroom where Justin was still puttering about long. "I thought we could stop by the Muncherville on the way and see Gus."

Justin appeared in the doorway then, a slight smile tugging at his lips. "Do we have time?"

"I wouldn't have suggested it if we didn't have time," Brian assured him, smiling softly.

It took only a few minutes with Gus to get Justin smiling and laughing. Gus was fascinated by the tie Justin was wearing, doing his utmost to pull the knot loose. Distracting him was proving to be a bit difficult, but Justin didn't seem to mind and Brian was glad to see him so relaxed.

"How are the two of you holding up?" Lindsay asked as Brian snagged a muffin from the bowl on the counter. All around the kitchen there were plates and containers of baked goods which showed just how anxious Lindsay had been lately.

Brian stared down at the blueberry muffin, crumbling a bit off into his hand. "It'll be over by next week, right?"

"I hope so," Lindsay sighed, handing him a cup of coffee. "Justin will testify next week and we just have to sit through whatever defense Walker's lawyer puts together then watch as the D.A. tears it apart."

"I adore that woman," Brian smirked before popping the muffin bit into his mouth. "She's very devious when she puts her mind to it."

Lindsay blew at the steam on her own cup, a slight smile curving his lips. "She seems to be very good at what she does. Hopefully by this time next week she'll have convinced the jury that Walker is a monster who deserves to go to jail for what he did to Justin."

Brian nodded but said nothing. He didn't want to jinx it by saying anything out loud. Brian wanted to Walker to rot for the rest of his life. It wasn't likely, but as long as Walker suffered Brian would be content. If there was any justice at all the man wouldn't be able to practice medicine again. And if he did manage to retain his license Brian would make sure that he didn't see another patient.

"Do you want anything to eat, Justin?" Lindsay called into the living room. "I have muffins and cookies. I also made some chocolate cake."

Brian arched an eyebrow. "Cake?"

"Cake sounds good," Justin said as he appeared in the doorway. "I could use the sugar boost."

Brian snatched Gus out of Justin's arms as the blonde walked past him, pressing a kiss to the infant's forehead. "Hey there, Sonnyboy. We're gonna need to have a talk with your Mom and your Daddy about their choices of breakfast food. You're not gonna be eating anything like that, are you?" Gus started giggling and clutched at his nose while the two blonde's scowled at him. "No, you're not. That's right, Sonnyboy. You're gonna be eating healthy like your Dadda."

"You'd better watch it, Kinney, we both know all of your nasty habits," Justin reminded him, arching an eyebrow as he forked some of the cake into his mouth. He moaned dramatically immediately after, turning towards Lindsay. "This is amazing, Lindsay."

Shaking his head, Brian wandered out of the kitchen and into the backyard. He was still trying to figure out how he'd ended up where he was then. A year ago Lindsay had been pregnant with a kid he'd had no intention of being a father to; he had been spending his days working his ass off; and his nights at the clubs with Michael and the guys, fucking anything with a dick. He'd been content if not entirely happy. Now he was a father, he had a partner, was a partner in the company he worked for, and Michael had nearly killed him. 

"Life is weird, Sonnyboy," Brian murmured, staring down at the little boy in his arms. "So enjoy it now while you're a kid and don't have to worry about all the shit that grown-ups do. And I'll bet that if your Mom and Daddy have it their way I'll be talked into giving you a little brother or sister at some point. That won't be so bad, will it? You'd be a good big brother."

Gus continued to babble away, tugging on Brian's tie and the lapel of his jacket all the while. "Dadda," he chirped at the end, grinning up at Brian.

Smiling softly, Brian brushed a kiss against Gus' forehead. "I'm gonna look out for you, Sonnyboy. Me, your Mom and your Daddy all had it kinda rough when we were growing up, but we won't let that happen to you. That's a promise."


	16. Raging Sunshine

Justin was incredibly grateful that Deidre managed to put off his testimony until Monday. Between cross-examination and a redirect, lunch had come and gone before Brian was done on the stand. Preferring not to cut her own line of questioning in half, Deidre had instead asked for Justin's testimony to be put off. Justin didn't want to think about how pathetic he looked because the judge had taken one look at him and agreed to her request.

"So I will see the both of you in my office at one o'clock Sunday afternoon," Deidre said to Brian as Justin immediately latched onto him when he got to the district attorney’s table. "It shouldn't take too long, but I want to make sure that you're ready for Monday, Justin."

"We'll be there," Brian assured her.

Justin nodded his head mutely. He didn't really want to go to the meeting or anywhere else once he and Brian got back home. Between take-out delivery, pay-per-view and a well stocked night stand drawer there was no need for them to leave the loft. They could unplug the phones and if they ignored the door buzzer there was no reason for them to deal with anyone until Sunday afternoon.

"You doing okay?" Brian asked once they were in the 'vette.

Pursing his lips, Justin nodded his head tightly. "Yeah. I'm okay."

It was a full out lie and they both knew it. The end of Brian's testimony had dealt with the night Damian had shown up and the loft and the following Monday when he's forced Justin from the diner. Hearing Brian talk about it made everything come rushing back to him, forcing Justin to remember things he'd rather have forgotten. So Justin had tried pretending that it wasn't him being argued about at the front of the courtroom.

Justin glanced over at Brian when he turned towards the interstate exit instead of heading towards the loft. "Umm.... You do remember that home is the other way, right?"

"I was aware of that, yes."

"Then where are we going?"

"Away," was Brian's enigmatic answer. "I figured we could use a few days away from the Pitts. I know I can."

Justin relaxed into the seat, his eyes sliding shut. "Thank you, Brian."

Brian didn't say anything and since his eyes were closed Justin could see if he made any type of reaction. They rode in silence for a while. Justin knew that it was pointless to try and coax more information out of Brian. It would have been pointless. It hadn't taken Justin long to learn that Brian enjoyed extravagant gestures. The more dramatic the better.

For a while Justin faded in and out of consciousness. Justin wasn't sure how long he slept, waking on and off, and only for a few seconds at a time. He was exhausted and no matter how much he tried he couldn't seem to stay awake. So he gave in and got rest while he could.

"You with me, Sunshine?" Brian asked, the 'vette slowing down.

Yawning, Justin blinked his eyes open. "'M awake. Where are we?"

"Here."

Justin stared out the windshield at the bed and breakfast they were parked in front of. The house looked to be turn of the century, complete with wrap-around porch and shutters. Justin adored it immediately but was shocked that Brian had selected a place like that for them to spend the weekend. It certainly didn't have room service, something Justin wasn't sure Brian could cope without away from the loft.

"We don't have any bags," Justin said suddenly as he burst out of the Corvette. "What are we supposed to wear for the rest of the weekend? I don't wanna wear my suit all weekend."

Brian rolled his eyes, slipping his arm behind Justin's waist. "Ye of little faith."

Justin allowed himself to be pulled against Brian's side, falling in step with the older man. "The trunk on the 'vette is too small for anything you would pack."

"Lube and condoms alone," Brian mused.

Smirking, Justin smacked Brian's stomach with the back of his hand. "You'd better not be planning for us to be naked the entire weekend. I would like to leave our room from time to time."

"You're a lot more demanding than I remember."

Justin snorted in amusement, but kept silent. He was still amazed that Brian had gone through the trouble of surprising him with a weekend away from the Pitts. Justin would have been perfectly content with locking themselves away in the loft. They had done it often enough in the past.

"You're early."

Justin startled, not having seen anyone on the porch. The man who had spoken emerged from a darker section of the porch, smiling broadly. Justin returned the smile somewhat hesitantly, following after Brian who was leading him towards the porch.

"We got an early start," Brian explained as he began climbing up the steps. "Mitch, this is Justin Taylor, my partner. Justin, Mitch Balsom, owner of our little retreat here."

Justin took the proffered hand, shaking it firmly. "Nice to meet you."

Roughly ten minutes later Brian and Justin were in their room where a pair of bags was already sitting on the foot of the bed. Justin glanced over his shoulder at Brian, raising an eyebrow, but otherwise said nothing. He had to wonder what else Brian had planned for the weekend then decided he didn't want to know. It would be much more fun to find out as the weekend progressed. Whatever it was would be far more interesting that spending the weekend locked in the loft.

"So do you approve of our safe haven?" Brian asked, flopping down on the massive king sized sleigh bed.

Following Brian to the bed, Justin crawled up so that he was straddling Brian's waist then leaned forward, hands on either side of the brunette's shoulders. "I most definitely approve," he murmured, pausing with a kiss between each word. He snuggled against Brian's chest, kissing along the side of his throat.

Like the exterior of the building, the interior had a turn of the century flair to it without looking like a museum. It was open and airy and everything looked utterly relaxing. Justin would have had no problem falling asleep if it wasn't for the fact that Brian currently had a hand down the back of his pants. He arched into the touch then, on the way down, pressed his groin firmly into Brian's. He was rewarded with a hiss from Brian who squeezed his ass cheek firmly. Still fully dressed they continued to thrust against one another. Justin planted his knees into the mattress and heaved himself back upright so that he could remove his shirt and tie.

"You're gorgeous," Brian moaned as he fumbled with the fastenings of Justin's pants. "Absolutely beautiful."

"I'll bet you say that to every man you're about to fuck," Justin snorted, purposely grinding himself against Brian. 

Justin briefly noticed Brian's stomach muscles contracting before his lover was sitting upright. The motion was so quick that Brian barely managed to remain on the bed and was caught around the waist by Brian and pressed against his chest.

"I say that to you," Brian murmured against his lips.

The only thing Justin could do was smile and wind his arms around Brian's shoulders. He and Brian kissed languidly, Brian's hands sliding up and down Justin's bare sides, fingers ghosting over his flesh. Justin was happy. Everything else outside of that moment was shoved away and all of his senses were firmly fixed on Brian. Brian was the most important thing to him. He loved Brian so much and was relieved to be alone with him once again.

Justin slid his hands along Brian's shoulders to his chest, tugging the tie loose. He wanted at skin. Wanted to feel Brian's skin against his own. So he made quick work of the buttons, slipping his hands into the opening he created, under Brian's arms and around his torso. Justin placed wet open-mouthed kisses along Brian's collarbone. Even now, months after the accident, there was a bump on the bone where it had broken. It was slight enough that you had to actually know about it in order to feel it.

He lifted his head when Brian's hands tangled in his hair. The two men stared at each other for several long moments, cheeks slightly flushed and eyes half-hooded. Tilting his head slightly, Brian nipped lightly at Justin's lower lip before sucking it between his own. By this time Justin had his hands cupping Brian's jaw, the pad of his thumb stroking his cheeks. As Brian continued to plunder his mouth, Justin brought his hands down, tugging the shirt from Brian's shoulders and down his arms. It was still tucked into the waist of his pants, but that was a matter for later. At the moment all he cared about was Brian's mouth against his own.

With some more tugging, wiggling, and snorts of laughter the two of them were naked and grinding against one another. They twisted about, oriented themselves diagonally on the bed, giving them more room to maneuver. Brian cursed suddenly and immediately afterwards there was a loud thump. Lifting his head from Brian's chest, Justin glanced over his shoulder towards the end of the bed where there was only one bag now.

"My bag or your bag?" Brian panted, thumping his head back against the mattress.

Justin settled himself back on top of Brian, kissing along his sternum. "My bag. I assume yours is the one with all the supplies."

Brian moaned as Justin sucked on his Adam's apple, his back arching as much as it was able under the blonde's weight. "You assume correctly."

A short while later they were putting those supplies to good use. Justin was lying stretched out on his back, his legs wrapped around Brian's waist as his partner thrust into him. He had his arms around Brian's shoulders, their bodies pressed as tightly together as they could manage. Brian dropped his forehead against Justin's, his breath hot against Justin's cheek.

Neither of them had the energy to do more than wrap the comforter around themselves when it was over. They were still sprawled diagonally across the bed in a limb-tangled heap so their feet stuck out of their blanket cocoon. Even though it was warm enough, it didn't take long for Justin's feet to get cold. 

"Holy shit. It's eighty degrees outside, how can your feet be that cold?" Brian grumbled when Justin wedged his feet between Brian's shins.

"There's an air conditioner on," Justin pointed out. "Cold air means cold feet. Now keep still."

Brian was still complaining, but he didn't try to dislodge Justin's feet. "Are you hungry now or can I lay still for a while before your stomach demands attention?"

Justin yawned which appeared to be answer enough because Brian's eyes slid shut immediately afterwards. Relaxing himself, Justin blinked his eyes closed. He curled his body around Brian's as much as he was able to in that enclosed area, relaxing more with each breath.

It was dusk when he woke, still bundled up in the comforter alongside Brian who was still sleeping soundly. Justin didn't want to wake him. He stayed as still as possible, staring up at his lover's face. The setting sun was casting odd shadows on Brian's face. One angle made him look older, the next far younger. Staying still, Justin began to doze off. He wasn't tired, but the inactivity made it harder for him to keep his eyelids from drooping shut.

Justin knew that Brian was waking up when he felt him shifting about. He pulled Justin to him tighter for a moment then was blinking his eyes open. "Hey."

"Hey."

"My arm's asleep."

"You'd better not be implying that I'm heavy," Justin grumbled, twisting about until he was lying on his stomach.

The arm that hadn't been pinned, smacked against his ass. "Most of you might not be."

Justin scowled, but didn't dignify the comment.

It was roughly another ten minutes before they finally forced themselves out of bed. They showered quickly, both of them crowded into the small shower stall to save time and partake in some casual fondling. Justin allowed Brian to do what he would to him, leaning back against the cool tiles that eventually warmed with his own body heat. It took awhile but eventually the two of them were clean and dressed in regular clothes, their suits draped over a chair near the room's main window.

The bed and breakfast was located close enough to town that Brian suggested they walk. Justin readily agreed, having spent enough time in a car for his liking. They ate at a small diner, one that was thankfully much quieter than the one back on Liberty Avenue. The food was just as good, too.

"You could have ordered something else, you know," Justin said as their meals were placed down in front of them. "Something that you don't eat practically every day."

"Like you don't have a hamburger every time."

"Except that I don't. Unlike you, I enjoy variety," Justin grinned before taking a bite off the end of a french fry. He didn't say anything when, true to form, Brian began sneaking fries off his plate when he had finished half of his sandwich.

In place of lemon squares, this particular diner had fudge brownies. Fudge brownies that Justin instantly found himself addicted to. If he hadn't seen Brian picking the crumbles that were left on his plate, Justin would have thought that Brian's reason for buying a dozen of them before they left were truly altruistic. Justin knew, though, that no matter how much Brian may have denied it, the older man had a weakness for chocolate. It was a weakness that Justin exploited whenever he could.

"You are an evil, evil man," Brian moaned as Justin straddled his waist later that night, one of the brownies cupped in his hand.

Justin's grin was unrepentant. He broke off a corner of the dessert, holding it before Brian's lips. When Brian refused to open his mouth, Justin smeared some of the chocolate frosting against his bottom lip then moved his hands out of the way in order to lick the chocolate away himself. Brian had lifted his knees up, providing Justin with the perfect support to lean against while he taunted Brian with eating bits of the brownie.

"Are you going to share?" 

Leaning back as far as he was able, Justin rested the remainder of his brownie on his chest, just below the hollow at the base of his throat. He let his arms drop to his sides and waited for Brian to take what he wanted. And ended up sprawled on his back when Brian spread his legs apart, lunging forward so that he was now kneeling on all fours above him.

Brian kept his eyes locked on Justin, staring intently into his face as he leaned down to take a small bite from the treat. As Brian slowly ate the brownie piece by piece he stroked and fondled Justin's upper body. Thumbs stroking over his nipples, fingertips ghosting along his sides, knuckles tracing the indented muscle that went from hip to groin. Justin was quickly beginning to regret taunting Brian as he had earlier.

"This is evil," Justin whimpered as Brian once again nudged the base of his shaft with his knuckles. "You are evil."

"Fair's fair, Sunshine," Brian chuckled, purposely ignoring Justin's rising erection.

Unable to complete the game he had begun, Justin grabbed hold of the remainder of the brownie and reached behind himself to dump it on the wooden bench that sat pressed up against the foot of the bed. He then wound his arms around Brian's shoulders, pulling their bodies together as he mashed his lips to his lover's.

Justin had no idea what time it was that they finally allowed their exhaustion to take over. They ended up in a tangle of limbs, partially stuck together with sweat and semen. It was far from a comfortable way to wake up, physically anyway. Gross as it felt to wake up covered in smears of flaking cum, Justin thoroughly enjoyed the way Brian was wrapped partially around him.

Between coaxing Brian out of bed and grabbing a quick shower, they made it down to the dining room with a half hour to spare while breakfast was being served. Since he had a feeling that they wouldn't be leaving their room until dinner at the earliest, Justin ate everything he was served along with the hash browns Brian didn't want from his own breakfast.

"I'd suggest fucking outside or some romantic shit like that except that it's the middle of summer which means bugs," Brian informed him as they returned to their room.

Snorting, Justin wound his arms around Brian's waist, leaning up to brush a kiss against the underside of his jaw. "I'd be shocked if you wanted to."

Instead of spending the day in bed, Brian surprised Justin by taking him into town. There were a few local galleries in the rather artistic town and Brian was always on the look out for more artwork to decorate the loft. There were a number of Justin's pieces already scattered about the loft and Brian's office. At the moment, however, Justin didn't do sculpture and the empty corner near the dining room table that was currently empty. The two of them had been to most of the art galleries in Pittsburgh and hadn't found anything suitable.

"You don't look at abstract sculpture very often, do you?" Justin snorted as Brian once again returned to the rather twisted figure in the centre of the gallery. "That's a woman."

"The fuck it is," Brian sputtered, circling the terracotta figurine.

"It has boobs."

"Those aren't boobs."

Justin arched an eyebrow. "Who's the artist in this relationship?"

"They're not boobs."

"Yes they are," Justin insisted, tracing a finger along the figure's spine. "This is the head here which means these are boobs."

"Well we're not having a naked woman in the loft. I'd never be able to fuck again."

"Can't have that. I think I saw a much more manly statue over there," Justin said, nodding towards a partition that broke up the gallery. "He was nicely hung too."

"Lead the way, Sunshine."


End file.
